I Think I'm In Love
It's almost like watching a cliche movie, watching the way her and I interact. You know how it goes: Two people meet and become real great friends, sharing secrets, laughing at inside jokes, talking about who we're attracted to, etc. Well, as of last Fall, that started to change. It was like I stopped seeing her as my little buddy that I talked to about life and became the girl that I wanted to share moments in my life with.
When I finally knew that I had at least a crush on her, I decided to tell her in a letter; I'm more of a person who can express deeper feelings through written words than spoken. Anyway, she read it and acepted the fact, she said she kind of had a feeling I liked her already but it didn't change the way she saw me as a person. I was expecting that, I wasn't hoping for a "I like you, too. Let's be together!" reaction. For awhile, I felt okay with her just knowing my feelings outright. For awhile.
A part of me figured later on, "I'll be in college soon, might as well have fun while it lasts right?" So when we would talk eachother I'd flirt a little, not so much that she'd be repulsed though. The surprising thing was that she would actually flirt back! At first I thought she was just playing along with what I told her, but no. She'd actually say that I was cute, adorable, she even thought the little sweet things I did for her and said to her were charming. I liked the attention but I WAS SO CONFUSED! This was coming from the girl that told me she was straight yet she'd flirt with me like we were a soon-to-be couple. So I devised a plan to spend an entire day with her: going to the park, getting some food, watch a movie and just talk to her about her feelings towards me. Well, she took it as me trying to get her alone to do "things". I was shocked, the most I did was say things to her, nothing explict mind you, just corny little flirt talk. She told me she had felt that way for awhile now and didn't want to hurt my feelings. Well, it didn't matter cause they were hurt anyway. I pretty much thought she'd never want to hang around or talk me again.
Then she started back at school... And sent me a message on her first day saying how much she missed me being there walking with her to class. Honestly, I was angry and confused. She just told me 2 weeks before that she didn't feel okay around me, yet she missed my companionship. Of course I bitterly messaged her curt replies and she asked if it was because of what she had said. Ya Think?!? She then went on to explain that she had only felt that way because she was unsure of herself, it had nothing to do with me. I somewhat forgave her, I still wasn't sure if she was telling me all the details but I figured things would work themselves out and she'd tell me later.
She did end up telling me something later. The thing she felt awkward about was when I held her hand while walking to class (I vaguely remember doing that), but now that she had mulled it over for a bit, she actually didn't mind it happening and even liked it a bit. She said there was something different with me doing it than anyone else who did. SO CONFUSED!! I brushed it off at the time, but since she pretty much blew me off for hanging out, she told me she really wants to make it up to me by actually hanging out when I'm back in town. Thing is, I'm not sure if I want to anymore. I feel like she might WANT me to try something now so she can tell me her feelings. I know I get this empty, aching feeling when I think about her and when I'm talking to her on the phone but I need to know- Does she feel the same way I do? Everyone I tell this story to thinks she does, but what if I'm taking this the wrong way? What if she doesn't know what she wants? I want her to love me back, but I need to know what she's feeling.
When I finally knew that I had at least a crush on her, I decided to tell her in a letter; I'm more of a person who can express deeper feelings through written words than spoken. Anyway, she read it and acepted the fact, she said she kind of had a feeling I liked her already but it didn't change the way she saw me as a person. I was expecting that, I wasn't hoping for a "I like you, too. Let's be together!" reaction. For awhile, I felt okay with her just knowing my feelings outright. For awhile.
A part of me figured later on, "I'll be in college soon, might as well have fun while it lasts right?" So when we would talk eachother I'd flirt a little, not so much that she'd be repulsed though. The surprising thing was that she would actually flirt back! At first I thought she was just playing along with what I told her, but no. She'd actually say that I was cute, adorable, she even thought the little sweet things I did for her and said to her were charming. I liked the attention but I WAS SO CONFUSED! This was coming from the girl that told me she was straight yet she'd flirt with me like we were a soon-to-be couple. So I devised a plan to spend an entire day with her: going to the park, getting some food, watch a movie and just talk to her about her feelings towards me. Well, she took it as me trying to get her alone to do "things". I was shocked, the most I did was say things to her, nothing explict mind you, just corny little flirt talk. She told me she had felt that way for awhile now and didn't want to hurt my feelings. Well, it didn't matter cause they were hurt anyway. I pretty much thought she'd never want to hang around or talk me again.
Then she started back at school... And sent me a message on her first day saying how much she missed me being there walking with her to class. Honestly, I was angry and confused. She just told me 2 weeks before that she didn't feel okay around me, yet she missed my companionship. Of course I bitterly messaged her curt replies and she asked if it was because of what she had said. Ya Think?!? She then went on to explain that she had only felt that way because she was unsure of herself, it had nothing to do with me. I somewhat forgave her, I still wasn't sure if she was telling me all the details but I figured things would work themselves out and she'd tell me later.
She did end up telling me something later. The thing she felt awkward about was when I held her hand while walking to class (I vaguely remember doing that), but now that she had mulled it over for a bit, she actually didn't mind it happening and even liked it a bit. She said there was something different with me doing it than anyone else who did. SO CONFUSED!! I brushed it off at the time, but since she pretty much blew me off for hanging out, she told me she really wants to make it up to me by actually hanging out when I'm back in town. Thing is, I'm not sure if I want to anymore. I feel like she might WANT me to try something now so she can tell me her feelings. I know I get this empty, aching feeling when I think about her and when I'm talking to her on the phone but I need to know- Does she feel the same way I do? Everyone I tell this story to thinks she does, but what if I'm taking this the wrong way? What if she doesn't know what she wants? I want her to love me back, but I need to know what she's feeling.
By:
Valintine07
Age:
18-21
,
Female
