Serious Upgrade!


So I've always had negative situations with loved ones. I love my family to death, but I went thru so much HELL because of them, which resulted in alot of personal I had to deal with. I had to learn the VERY VERY HARD way to truly love MYSELF. I've accepted that I am who I am, and I have FINALLLYY stopped apologizing and worrying about my past. It has happened, I'm over it. Which leads me to...

I randomly met the most amazing guy. It was so simple and innocent, but from the first conversation alone I knew he was someone that would change my life for the better. He's incredibly sweet (but not in a mushy adoring way, which is such a relief compared to those in my past); very strong and honest and motivating and true. Everything about him I feel is completely sincere. So as I'm writing this I am tearing up, OMG! LOL

My pattern with guys has been, they are so 'in love' with me and I am barely interested. My intuition has always beat me upside my head telling me not to take it there because they are NOT worth it. I have settled with every guy aside from one, that Ive been involved with. I always use the reasoning, "well he likes me this much, I need to find a reason to like him too" Then I'd date em, sex em, and be appalled within 6 weeks. (Leave your judgements at the door). Again, this whole process (which lasted about 2 yrs with NUMEROUS guys really f**ked me up, more so than I already was. I was so dissapointed in myself, but didnt know how to fix the problem, and unfortunately my situation had to get extremely bad before it got better!

I have been doing some serious self therapy and I am in such a positive place! Looking forward to the future and ready for anything, and {HE} has absolutely been contributing to that. He's so positive and so impressed and proud of me, but not like the ones before. They were in such awe and barely knew me. He takes time everyday to spend time and get to know me in every way, and always wants me to understand him on a deeper level as well. We havent used the word 'love' yet, but he definitely includes me in his future and has promised to do everything he can to keep us going because he feels "this was meant to happen" (his words). Is it love??? I believe so. I don't want to rush anything or assume, but I KNOW it isnt lust or infatuation. My only concern is, I dont want it to be one of those situations where he is just someone that was suppose to come in my life to teach me something and by next season he is gone. I understand and truly believe everything happens for a reason, and NOTHING is in my control. Either way I am forever grateful for the few months and beautiful moments we have already shared. I just really really want this to last as long as possible:-)







plummberkirt plummberkirt
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 26, 2010

That's so sweet! Yeah I hate when guys are like obsessed or seems like they are trying to follow some sort of mushy gushy romantic rule book that they think will get us to fall head over heels. That gets boring very fast!