The Story Of The Girl Who Used To Be.

This is my story. I fell in love with a guy who seemed wonderful. He used to think the world of me. He loved me. And then he met someone else. He is the only person who has seen everything, and he didn’t like what he saw. He was put off when he got to know me.
I used to think that I was beautiful, until he told me that since I had put on weight he was no longer attracted to me. Now I feel fat and ugly and worthless. I fight so hard to resist the urge to shove my fingers down my throat and get rid of it all. I am so emotionally empty that I feel like I should be physically empty as well. I feel fat because she is so skinny.
I used to think I was smart, and now I just feel naïve for falling for him as far as I did. For trusting him. I feel stupid because she is so intelligent.
I used to have a sparkle in my eye, something that drew people to me. I used to have this fire inside me, this passion and zeal for life. But now I just feel dull. I go through the motions, I even put on a smile and brave the world, wearing a mask of the old me to cover my face. I pretend to be ok, and I try to be strong. But I’m sick of it. I feel dull because she seems so exciting, and I feel second-rate because he chose her.
I’m not the same as I used to be. I’m not that beautiful, passionate, zealous, strong, determined girl anymore. I feel like I’m disappearing bit by little bit, and soon there will be nothing left of the girl who once was, the one who I was proud to be. The girl who fell in love with him is gone. And I don’t know what has replaced her, but I’m not proud of it.
solonelyimlost solonelyimlost
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

There is someone out there who will see the real you and accept you no matter what you weigh. You are more than a body.

Your not less tho, nor will you ever be less then what you were. You grow from these things, even if it dosent feel like it. And if he actually cares that much about apperance it sounds like its good hes not with you anymore. Anyone who is so majorly concerned about looks is never any keeper. And sometimes we just have to greive anyway, feel weak and just allow ourself to be sad. And if this new girl is so intelligent she will most likly dump him anyway. Regardless again, people can be cruel for sure, and certainly feel like they try to take away what makes you great, but damn!, we are great, beautiful and wonderful for a reason. Just other people again who want us to sink to their level. Become shallow and petty like they are.