Too Ugly For Love...Ever since I can remember I was bullied for being "ugly". I have really bad eyesight and had to wear big, thick glasses as a kid and when I got older I began to have an acne problem. I have also always been really pale and, you know "tan" is the "in" thing and my weight has always fluctuated. I was so repulsive that absolutely no boys wanted to date me when I was in junior high. Well, there is one who I believe liked me but he would not date me because he was popular and his friends all thought I was hideous. Even boys who claimed they were my "friends" told me I was ugly and boys who had a reputation for having "low standards" would not even touch me. I was told by two different boys that I was so disgusting I would never lose my virginity and they thought I was so ugly they did not even treat me like a girl as they had no problem with hitting me and abusing me. I got contacts in seventh grade which I thought made more attractive but I found out quickly I was mistaken. Also my female "friends" would say how unattractive I was behind my back and even a few times to my face. I tried to make myself feel better by telling myself maybe its because I have been with these kids for nine years (I went to a K-8 school) and they are only calling me ugly because they hate me for other reasons and things will get better when I get to high school...but...no such luck. I got to high school where I was with boys from all over the county and most of them still thought I was ugly. I did finally get a boyfriend when I was a senior and he was also my first kiss at almot 18 years old. I ended up marrying this guy after of high school. Well this may sound like a happy ending it is bittersweet. My husband loves me and tells me he always thought I was attractive but there is a part of me that feels like that is not enough and I need to be attractive to everyone. I worry what if my marriage ends for some reason? I am not attractive enough to get anyone else decent and I will be alone again. I have pock marks left behind from the acne, I have a really round, pudgy face, I am overweight and I have this annoying double chin that is still there somewhat even when I'm skinny. I think all of this makes me look so bleh. I have been told i am "average" looking but to me that is not good enough. I feel like no one would want to approach me if there is nothing special about my appearence and especially if my appearence is particularly unappealing. It has consumed my life. I am sure I probably have body dysmorphic disorder but I have no insurance and cannot afford treatment and I really do not like shrinks and meds anyway. It just seems like people care so much about looks...especially men when it comes to chosing women to date. Sometimes I feel like I just can't handle living in such a superficial world.
Onedayacometwillfall 26-30 27 Responses 4 Jul 20, 2010