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Too Ugly For Love...

Ever since I can remember I was bullied for being "ugly". I have really bad eyesight and had to wear big, thick glasses as a kid and when I got older I began to have an acne problem. I have also always been really pale and, you know "tan" is the "in" thing and my weight has always fluctuated. I was so repulsive that absolutely no boys wanted to date me when I was in junior high. Well, there is one who I believe liked me but he would not date me because he was popular and his friends all thought I was hideous. Even boys who claimed they were my "friends" told me I was ugly and boys who had a reputation for having "low standards" would not even touch me. I was told by two different boys that I was so disgusting I would never lose my virginity and they thought I was so ugly they did not even treat me like a girl as they  had no problem with hitting me and abusing me. I got contacts in seventh grade which I thought made more attractive but I found out quickly I was mistaken. Also my female "friends" would say how unattractive I was behind my back and even a few times to my face. I tried to make myself feel better by telling myself maybe its because I have been with these kids for nine years (I went to a K-8 school) and they are only calling me ugly because they hate me for other reasons and things will get better when I get to high school...but...no such luck. I got to high school where I was with boys from all over the county and most of them still thought I was ugly. I did finally get a boyfriend when I was a senior and he was also my first kiss at almot 18 years old. I ended up marrying this guy after of high school. Well this may sound like a happy ending it is bittersweet. My husband loves me and tells me he always thought I was attractive but there is a part of me that feels like that is not enough and I need to be attractive to everyone. I worry what if my marriage ends for some reason? I am not attractive enough to get anyone else decent and I will be alone again. I have pock marks left behind from the acne, I have a really round, pudgy face, I am overweight and I have this annoying double chin that is still there somewhat even when I'm skinny. I think all of this makes me look so bleh. I have been told i am "average" looking but to me that is not good enough. I feel like no one would want to approach me if there is nothing special about my appearence and especially if my appearence is particularly unappealing. It has consumed my life. I am sure I probably have body dysmorphic disorder but I have no insurance and cannot afford treatment and I really do not like shrinks and meds anyway. It just seems like people care so much about looks...especially men when it comes to chosing women to date. Sometimes I feel like I just can't handle living in such a superficial world.
Onedayacometwillfall Onedayacometwillfall 26-30 27 Responses Jul 20, 2010

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When I was 11 all my friends used to be pretty and confident. I was the only girl who was ugly and wanted to change it in every single way. Then I got older and thought that I should give up thinking about beauty. Beauty is skin deep but ugliness is clean to the bones. There are some quotes that got me going. Then I started dreaming.. It was so nice. Those whole time when I looked at the mirror I only put myself down and now when I look at the mirror I look at the future. In a future where I will be a doctor. Where I will help to end poverty. Being concerned about beauty leads to nothing but being free from it leads you to a greater future. So don't worry about beauty. Beauty comes and goes. Look how strong you are to overcome such barriers. I dream to be a woman like you.

Wow, I really want to punch those bullies right now.

Haha, but anyway I think you are a strong woman and I'm glad you found a man. I hope you fall in love with this man for life and prove them wrong!

They must regret it so much now. I hope they do - what they did was DISGUSTING.

I know the feeling. I've had eyeglasses prescribed since I was 5 or 6 and the stupid Dr insisted I wear big lenses so I can 'see better'.. well that covered up half my face. Also I have hirsutism (excessive facial hair growth) so I was the joke of both school STAFF and students. I got through school hating women because they only talk to me when they want to get to know a guy friend- because I was basically considered a 'bro'. Also I have a crooked front tooth that grew back as permanent set and very active moderate-severe body/facial acne.. although I convince myself that it's useless to fall inlove because boys just don't like me that way, I went through a lot of heartbreak without having to be in a relationship, and I can't cry like other pretty girls and be consoled because ppl just avoid me when I'm upset- apparently I look 'scary'.

Fast forward to the present- I've access and my own finances to spend on hair removal products and contacts. Although people from school barely recognise me and actually think I'm attractive and 'approachable' now, I still can't forgive them for the way they treated me. It's become difficult for me to believe men would really love me if I eventually neglect my self-grooming procedures. People usually say well, why don't you get medical treatment for it... it's made me conclude that only 2 options exist: get medical treatment and distrustful or just accept your flaws despite the comments.

I hate how in movies, 'ugly' people just have to get contacts, braces and brush their hair. And all that talk about how inside beauty counts. Sorry I'm ranting this should be a story by itself lol.

My advice would be look after your self as best you, as in don't drink, smoke or eat to excess and wear nice clothes, style your hair to flatter etc. you have to make an effort to look nice, for most people atleast.
Secondly, don't be your own worse critic! Remember you may look at yourself and think that doesn't look good but no one else will be looking at you that hard and that critically. Think about it, you don't look at everyone you meet and think "eeww what little eyes" haha :) sooo people won't do that with you.
Tbh the best you can do is make your self up and don't think about how you look the next time you talk to someone new, instead try and be charming and funny, and watch how they react! Good luck

I am 15 and 16 in 2 months, life has pretty much been mean to me or "society" since I started year 2, the kids used to treat me in a type of med evil way, they would through stones at me and call me names while the teachers just sat and watched through the windows, I would try and act brave and fight back with words but it would make it worse so then I just had to "ignore" them said my mum. Fat lot of good that was, I went 12 years ignoring those evil twits. People look at me as if I wasn't human, boys laugh and point at me, even my own friends say I need to work on my "looks" :,( will life ever get better for me ? My answer is no it just seems to be sucking me up . I would tell you about my body problems but it might put you off your food. My nick name is shrek and Mona Lisa.

Although Im not happy about your situation, Im happy to read your post. Ive been ugly all of my life. At forty two, Im not only ugly but old looking. I sent a pic to a male friend of mine that I thought was a friend. It was just out of fun since my little girl was playing with my hair making a hairstyle. Well every time I after I sent the pic he starts making jokes about me being old..then he follows it up with and dont get me started on your hair...who does that ??
Im happy you are married, Ive been divorced for nearly eight years. People treat me even worse now that Im divorced.

im sorry people made you feel that way. I am ugly but i am trying not to feel sorry for myself. but it is frustrating when everything and everyone confirms that i am ugly. i feel my looks have caused me to waste my life and has prevented me from doing things i wanted to do. i know my appearance will never improve but sometimes optimism can creep up on me which is painful when i am greated by the truth over and over again. its hard getting over myself and making the most of life but i need to try. i dont feel like being the door mat everyone for the physically acceptable . please try and live your life to the fullest

Cherish your husband. I am so scared that I'll be alone forever. I worry that no one will ever want to marry someone SO ugly. You're married! And marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing. Enjoy life as a wife! =)

Hey I just wanted to say from that picture you look sexy... but also wanted to say It's not really about specific looks when it comes to love... at least not for me. I mean, sure I like a specific look, but that's because that's the "pattern" that I seem to have an attraction too (colored hair, cute, punk) But the truth is, when you love the person, you love the person and you don't really look at them lol that sounds wrong. You look at them cause you love them I mean all you see is is how much you love em, but you don't look at them and try to size em up. My advice sucks... I don't want to say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I just want to point out that love creates beauty in your eyes... so my point, looks aren't everything and certainly don't mean anything sometimes... I'm glad I'm not a psychiatrist :)

i have the same problem as you did in school. the girls no problem they treat me great. boys they call me all sorts of names like retard,and ugly. they even make mama jokes about me. I got depression because of that. when i move i was happier. If a person calls you ugly they are uglier in the inside then out.

I guess the one thing I learned is that those comments on my appearance really aren't about me. I knew a girl who called herself my friend who told me that I needed to find an uglier guy because any handsome one would cheat on me because he deserved prettier, and that I needed to lose weight to be a better person. She didn't care if I was pretty, or ugly, or if I lost the weight. She didn't hate me. She was just one of those people who takes her mess of insecurity and turns it outwards. I don't, I take it all and turn it all inwards, so it seems weird that someone would do that. I know the whole "they're just jealous" but it didn't feel like that, she was prettier and thinner than me and set to be married, so there was nothing to be jealous of. I think it's more of a thing where they sense that you take on your own burden of insecurity and they can dump theirs on you as well by calling you all the things they are actually thinking about themselves.<br />
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I know that this girl was purposely giving herself laxatives and exercising excessively because she was worried if she gained 10 lbs her fiancé would leave her even though she was underweight.

@ancientrockinthesky Riigghhhht...because "vanity" is one of the 7 deadlies right? Judging by your name I am assuming you are the "holy roller" type. So I should just concentrate on my "biblical beauty" right? I have been fed that line before. Biblical beauty usually equals her face looks like an *** but she is a 'nice" person and will make a good wife because she will be "submissive" because she is not pretty enough to be a party girl. Sorry sweetie, thats not me and I will not settle for that. In the real world REAL attraction involves the ability to inspire sexual arousal and if you don't got it you'll prolly attract some of you jesus freaks who will use you as a baby factory. Besides how can I be vain when there is nothing for me to be vain about?

Beauty does not give you love...some of the most beautiful women in the world are the most heartbroken.<br />
Don't let your vanity get the best of you.

Beauty does not give you love...some of the most beautiful women in the world are the most heartbroken.<br />
Don't let your vanity get the best of you.

I know exactly how you feel but I even have it worse and I'm a man. Growing up I was just nothing but a short fat black kid no one liked me I was really nerdy just lived in my nerd world with video games, cartoons, and comic books as adult I remember one thing ringing in my head these days its a comment my cousin made he told me "do you want to have kids that come out like you". Means those words mean even more to me today as I think of having a family but then again I am getting to ahead of myself if I cant even attract a woman to be with me. <br />
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I think of the few women I have been in relationships with and it was nothing it was all just I took what I can get the few women that could see past my ugliness could have me...

If you can't be pretty, be cool.

I have beem ugly almost all my life. I was actually sorta cute till I was about 3. <br />
Then it all went downhill. <br />
I was always painfully shy, too. I never felt "worthy" if others' time. I'd stand at the teacher's desk for minutes, until they'd look up and ask what I wanted. I had hardly any friends, and the 2 I did have seemed to always single me out and go play themselves. <br />
As I grew, so did my lower jaw. OUTWARD. <br />
And my face grew lonnnng and very thin. <br />
When my hair is wet, I literally look like a man. (I'm a 40 year old woman)<br />
Walking home from school one day, an older boy walked past me, all alone, and gave me a horrible look and mumbled "f***ing UGLY!". I was in 8th grade. <br />
My friends were starting to get lots of boyfriends, but no one liked me. <br />
On Halloween once, I dressed as a punk rock chick, with a colored spiked wig. <br />
Every single house we went to, asked "are you a boy or girl?"<br />
In the middle of 11th grade, we moved to another school district. <br />
Oddly enough, I got my first ever boyfriend. It was great. <br />
Even though he was pretty much a big dork...he was a cute dork. <br />
After we broke up a year and a half later, I had 3 more boyfriends, then for two years<br />
I couldnt even get a LOOK from a guy. It was a horrible time in my life. I was lonely, watching my sister go out on weekends with different guys, while I sat in my room and wrote sad poems as I watched the sun go down all by myself. <br />
Finally, after those two years, I met a guy while out one night. He was dorky and wearing "floods", but he bugged me all night for my phone number. He was a cute dork, too. <br />
Bottom line, we got married 2 years later. <br />
After a few months, we were talking about our wedding day, and I mentioned how his best man had to tell him to breathe when I walked down the isle towards him. <br />
He then admitted, (here's something you NEVER hear!) that the reason he stopped breathing, was because I looked, and I quote, "like a dog", when he saw me. <br />
THAT was a shocker!!! And I had to forever grin and nod when my Mom would proudly tell people the romantic story of how her son in law had to be reminded to breathe when I walked down the isle, from the shock of my beauty that day. Very depressing!<br />
We're still married. It's been almost 17 years. <br />
And he's put me through hell at times. And I stayed, knowing I would most likely never be attractive to<br />
Anyone else again. I used to go out dancing with my friends every weekend after I was married, and I had just lost weight and was a size 7. I never ever got a guy's attention. (i'd never cheat, but my husbamd used to tell me to try and get mens numbers to boost my confidence.)<br />
Well...I never got one. <br />
A few times, guys would come up behind me, and tap me on the shoulder, and when I turned around, they gave me that old familiar look of disgust, and say "oh. I thought you were someone else". <br />
When all my friends ended up attracting a man for the night, I'd suddenly realize I was the only one dancing alone, so I'd slink away and go tear up in a corner till they were done dancing at the end of the night. <br />
I was thin, I had a new attitude, I thought I was the ****, but no one else did. <br />
I was ugly, no matter how my body looked. <br />
So I gave up the girls nights out, and focused on the fact that I HAD a man, and didnt need to attract others. Even though its fun to ne flattered or lusted after. I'm married...not dead!<br />
I'll never figure out why my husband married me. He's never told me I'm pretty. <br />
And I've always felt like an embarassment to him in public. <br />
But he's a good man, after all these years...after a lot of molding and fixing! Lol! <br />
We have two awesome kids, and I still feel ugly every single day of my life. Especially when I have to socialize with other parents. <br />
I'm fat again, too, which doesnt help. But neither did being skinny, right? <br />
(I'm only a size 16, and I'm realy tall, so I dont LOOK that fat, luckily.)<br />
Sometimes I will purposely do all I can to NOT have to be in social situations, because I just cant deal with the looks that day. <br />
Oh, did I mention, I have a big ugly cafe au lait spot on my neck, and my teeth are crooked, doubled rows in a few spots, and yellow? (and I've never smoked!)<br />
Yeah. <br />
I guess my point is, that even ugly girls can luck out and find love. <br />
But when we get in an arguement, I worry that if he ever left me, I'll be alone for the rest of my life. <br />
It's truly a torturous life for ugly people. And the way uglies are depicted in movies makes me wanna punch someone!! The classic "dorky ugly girl everyone makes fun of, takes off her glasses and takes off her pony tail, and shes beautiful".....that really makes me mad. Imagine if it was that easy??<br />
I have no glasses, and I have long hair. <br />
Nope! Doesnt work! <br />
Even that darn show Ugly Betty....she's actually pretty!!<br />
They just put dorky glasses on her! <br />
Ooooooh, I hate that. <br />
<br />
Yep. Life sucks for us uglies. And we're cheated out of a lot in life, that is normal for pretty girls. <br />
But....nothing we can do, right? But just hope for the best. <br />
Ps...my kids are BEAUTIFUL!!!! my son has girls fighting over him. And my daughter has boys chasing her at recess, hitting her. You know how little boys in love are, right? <br />
I'm sooooooo thankful for them being attractive. I would be heart broken if they had to go through life like I did. <br />
Good luck! And appreciate what you have! I know I do!

I'd listen to what neutral people told you<br />
You can see those things can happen ......the parent copying happens at that age....I also did....toping off my already existing problems :/

@defectivemoonbunny You could be correct about them not liking me for other reasons. I had a conversation with the husband awhile back about this and I mentioned how annoyingly neurotic my mother is and he said perhaps back then I copied those traits and it could have made me unlikeable. :-( I have calmed down a lot since then. Yeah I have had people describe me as average before...and I have even had some tell me I am attractive but not nearly as many. haha. I figured if that were true these things probably would not have happened but who knows. :-p

hey i think you might be average from your desc<x>ription, like seriously<br />
and the bullies may have not liked you for other reasons and that may have made you non attractive in their eyes, besides some people just like being cruel that does not mean they did not see you like a girl they just enjoyed not treating you like one. Also self esteem issues are enough to make someone unattractive, like if your feeling like a slimy green monster people pick that up and perceive something is wrong with you and move on, they don't check you out if you have physical flaws.<br />
hjkfdlhska is right <br />
if you where that ugly you where not married like her or me. I went thro the same thing too.<br />
I think you should start punting your emotional needs first and take care of yourself and try getting some positive attention from other people too not just your husband.

IT's over now you're married. someone loves you. I was hit and bullied too. Unfortunately i'm too ugly to get maried. Some of us will die alone

@ patchworkofmistakes Yeah...I wish I was kidding but all of this happened. Actually, this is only a SMALL part of what happened to me. I was bullied pretty severely...and for what? Just because they thought I was ugly? I'll never understand why I was hated so much for what I looked like.

i am sorry to hear that you were shown such cruelties. sadly, words as such will remain in your head for a long, long time....but you can take steps to lessen the pain...eventually, alleviate them altogether. <br />
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there's nothing wrong with being pale, i have a cocoa coloring and trust me when i tell you that i sure wouldn't mind being a lighter tone...it's not to be, so i accept it...the color of my skin is not the sum of who i am.<br />
as for acne, they leave lasting scars (inside & out), but they do fade.....unfortunately pockmarked skin does not fade, i don't believe there's a cream or topic solution out there for that, beware of using harsh scrubs on those areas. i think you're going to have to get such treatments such as dermabrasion or laser. as with anything, it takes time and patience. the plus side though is that going to a medi-spa type place is invigorating for the spirit...makes you feel better when you do something nice for yourself you know. <br />
body image has always been a complex thing, take a really good look at your physical appearance---what do you like about yourself? what do you want to change? don't say everything, give yourself specifics. think of ways you can make those changes...e.g. i drink 2 cups of water for every can of soda i down. it's not hard and this way i'm still getting my coke that i want...gradually i phase it out (i'm still drinking coke by the way). you stated you didn't want to see a therapist, perhaps joining a group counseling about eating/body image problems. <br />
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lastly, i'd suggest taking in the compliments your husband doles out. take each word in slowly, when he says you're lovely look at your eyes, aren't they indeed lovely. he loves you, he is attracted to you...sees something in you that's unique and as a culmination of everything he wants in a woman. take pleasure in that.<br />
<br />
who we are cannot be duplicated. there's only one you...

Are you serious? I knew people were rude a$$holes, but damn...

We cannot all be pretty. But...we can all be attractive.<br />
<br />
One of the first lines in the novel Gone With The Wind, about the romantic heroine Scarlett O'Hara whose adventures in love take up the whole story, is: "Scarlett O'Hara was not pretty."<br />
<br />
Many famous beauties were not really classic beauties; they were women who knew how to project themselves as attractive.<br />
<br />
Attractive people have several qualities that can be developed. They take good care of themselves and do their best to be healthy. They dress well, in a way that expresses their personality. They take an interest in other people, remember names and have a thick skin when it comes to making new friends; they just keep trying until they have friends. They are not known for being great beauties but they are usually of interest to the opposite sex because they sparkle with confidence and charm.<br />
<br />
For more details, read: How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. If you do what this book says, you will be attractive, even if not, strictly speaking, pretty.

Hi I just wrote a long letter about "ME" being ugly! really don"t want too rewrite it because it was too upsetting for me, "But" I feel for you. Please look for it and let me know what you think..... My mom always says that "Beauty comes from the inside not always the outside. I did"nt believe her now and I don"t believe her now. Cheer up!....Anto815

Hey, I have heard of this dismorphic disorder, It sounds frustrating. Please don't give up on some form of treatment though, you deserve to feel better. Check out community health centers and free clinics and just keep looking, there are therapists who do "gratis" work.<br />
Also about this whole beauty thing...When you feel beautiful inside it shines out to others, I am not a really good looking women but have certainly had more than my share of suitors...It's so much more about radiating confidense, I once had a very popular guy ask me how I always had these really good looking guys around me and I just smiled. Truth is looking like societies idea of what is beauty just isnt important to me....You have to learn to love who you are, the world is full of famous people who if they didnt radiate confidense your dog would probably chase away...look at Lyle Lovett ...He married Julia Roberts...wow! and there are scads more so don't give up....The one thing you can change in this world is your thoughts.