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Well, I Still Feel Hideous

My self image has still no improved. My sex life suffers from it sometimes because I do not feel attractive or desireable and I feel like I should not be having sex...if this makes any sense. Those of you who read my previous story may remember I am married and you may say "Well, your husband finds you sexy." Sure, that may be but he is the only one. There are a lot of men out there with ugly wives whom only they find attractive.  And again if my marriage were to end for any reason I would be **** out of luck. I have been hit on a few times when I was out and about but it was usually by disgusting pieces of trailer trash who were probably only hitting on me because they know they cannot do better. And sorry, I may be ugly myself but I do have some standards. I want someone whom the thought of sex with them does not completely nauseate me...and an iq thats at least above 100 is nice too. Or it is by men who purposely go after less attractive women beacause they feel they will be an easy lay because they assume we don't get it enough. I have been told before that I am "average" but average does not mean you are pretty or even cute it just means you are not completely disgusting. But I feel if I am only average than I may as well be disgusting because average does not turn any heads...at least not any decent ones. Some people try to tell me I am pretty but if I were so attractive than why did I not have a real boyfriend or even a frist kiss until I was almost 18? And the boys definately would not have treated me like complete **** like they did if I had been pretty. Hell, I even remember boys I didn't even know pointing at me and laughing about how ugly I was. And I am aware that even my husband's gamer friends in high school thought I was ugly and a couple were even trying to get him to go out with a better looking girl who liked him. I mean not to be mean, but how ugly are you when gamers find you ugly? Those guys are notorius for having low standards. So if a gamer thinks you're a dog than you must be pretty hideous. So, no I am not pretty, never have been. I did "go out" for a week with some kid from another school when I was 14 and I remember the boys at my school acting so shocked when they found out I "finally had a boyfriend". That shows you how hideous I was to them. One of the replies to my last story stated I should not feel bad because ugly people get attractive people all the time and they used Lyle Lovett marrying Julia Roberts as an example. While I thank you for your input you must realize Lyle is a man and from what I have seen it is much easier for less attractive men to get attractive women than vice versa as long as you have a talent or money as Lyle does. Women are held to a higher beauty standard by men than men are by women, simple as that. Decent men want a pretty woman and that's how it is; males just seem to be programmed to care more about looks.. If my marriage ends I may as well throw in the towel because there will be nothing else out there for me.
Onedayacometwillfall Onedayacometwillfall 26-30 2 Responses Aug 8, 2010

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You may be older than me, but I feel the same way. Only my family and friends and ex-boyfriend think I'm pretty and I know they're only lying. When I'm with my friends, they always get hit on and I'm always left behind because I am the ugly one. It always makes me cry because I can never be pretty. I hate being an ugly 14 year old. Everyone at high school is going to laugh at me.

Why are you so hard on yourself? Personally, I find all women beautiful in some way. I really do. I look at all women (men, too). You don't have to be gorgeous to catch my eye, either. I understand what you're saying, though, because I was that girl, too. I didn't date until after I graduated & went with my cousin to his senior prom. I felt ugly. I really did. I later learned why I felt ugly (and I am not suggesting that this is your problem in any way, shape, or form). I felt ugly because I hadn't found my true self yet. Imagine my surprise when I found that my true self was really male, not female. Having said that, I understand what you said about men being more visual. I find that I am more visual since I went on testosterone. I am more attracted to breasts & butts than I used to be, and all a woman has to do is show a little cleavage, & I notice right away.<br />
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Try not to be so hard on yourself, okay? I'm sure that you're a beautiful sexy woman just as you are.<br />
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Aran