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I'm Tired Of The Big Lie

If you have ever lamented your looks because you know that you are not physically attractive, you have heard this lie:

"It's what's on the inside that counts." There is the ever-popular cousin to this lie:

"Everyone is beautiful in their own way."

Sure, you can be a wonderful person on the inside and while it's important, at least for a woman in America, it will never be as important as what's on the outside. "First impressions are lasting impressions," tells it all. The FIRST impression anyone makes is the most important one. And you know what? That first impression is based almost entirely on HOW YOU LOOK. While some of it is in how you carry yourself, which is effected by your level of confidence, it is mostly about how you look. I learned hard lessons about this in college. Every guy wanted to meet my roommate or one of my friends. Because I was unattractive, I was approachable and they would ask me for an introduction. It was never me they wanted to meet. Never.

Why do we keep perpetuating this lie? I don't do it, but I've read it so many times - even here! Does what's inside you matter? Sure, but not like what's inside. Don't even pin any bets on it.

I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of trying to hold on to the hope that all the nice things inside me might mean something to my husband. They do, but they would mean a million times more if he thought I was attractive. It hurts to know that if I was pretty in his eyes he would say so. But because he doesn't, I must not be. (He can say things about other people being attractive, so it's not like he doesn't notice. He doesn't do it in a rude way, it's just here and there. Nothing mean.) All I want is for him to look at me and feel lucky that he's with someone he is physically attracted to and thinks is pretty. He doesn't because I'm not
LizzyBeth68 LizzyBeth68 41-45 8 Responses Jan 22, 2011

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I am only 13 and I am cring like crazy because I know exactly what u mean middle school is a terrible place whare I get teased all the time for me being over weight and I is hard for me because I am a boy and everyone's a sport frantic and I hate sports

I know exactly what you mean. Another lie is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have posted on here about being ugly, and another response I get is that it's my attitude. People only think I am ugly because I think it and all I need to do is think I am pretty. Sorry but I have been insulted by strangers. Strangers can't read my mind. I can't tell when someone else thinks they are ugly. I know a beautiful girl who thinks she is ugly. So now that I know she thinks that why don't I find her ugly? People can't seem to accept a person is truly ugly and yet those very same people have probably seen people they find ugly.

Wait a second...hold on! you guys are married? well at least you have someone in your lives be thankful for that. I too have been picked on and bullied because of the way I looked. I had the worst case of acne and nothing I did could have gotten rid of it. I was teased because of my face. I still have acne problems, still feel ugly and I still am single. One thing is right, first impression will always be of the outward appearance, a person's character comes second.

I agree with you LizzyBeth! I get so tired of hearing those cliches too. I remember having a friend tell me I was not as pretty as this other girl but I had 'better personality". I straight up told her that personality did not matter. If it did I would not have been rejected by all the guys I fell in love with in school and would have had a happier adolescence. Now, I am stuck married to the only halfway decent guy who would have me and am hurting because I want more out of life and cannot have it.

I agree with you LizzyBeth! I get so tired of hearing those cliches too. I remember having a friend tell me I was not as pretty as this other girl but I had 'better personality". I straight up told her that personality did not matter. If it did I would not have been rejected by all the guys I fell in love with in school and would have had a happier adolescence. Now, I am stuck married to the only halfway decent guy who would have me and am hurting because I want more out of life and cannot have it.

LizzyBeth68 I agree with you. I am the same. I have great character, but how do you make a first impression with that? Especially without a word. You don't.

Sigh. This is exactly what I mean. "everyone is attractive in all diffrent ways." Well, I'm talking about physically attractive, nothing else. And everyone is NOT attractive.



Why is it that we keep telling people this? This is what I don't get. Why do we (and I'm guilty of doing this in the past) continue to tell people - especially women - that they all have something attractive about them but then talk about "what's inside." Really? That's not what people notice first and I don't know any man who has said, "I met a really great woman," and meant strictly that she was a nice person.

there are so many levels of attractivness luv, what one person likes another may not, your husband married you for a reason! you dont fall in love with someone if your not atracted to them right? what im trying to say is you may not be julia roberts or angelina jole attractive (i dont know ive never seen you) but you will be attractive in your own way everyone is attractive in all diffrent ways so dont be so hard on yourself xx