My Everyday Struggle

First of all, to the readers, i'm not fluent in english so please be patient with me.

I had these feelings everyday that I've always kept in my mind because I'm too ashamed to share it. Well, no one cares about it cause i always try to hide my true self that i am really a weak person.

I'm 21 but almost 22 and male. Everyday of my life, since i was in high school, i felt so much depression because of my physical appearance. This is not some self-esteem issue, i'm ugly, literally, and i can't accept it. I can really say how ugly i look. My nose is flat, i have a lot of pimples, i'm thin and have a very shy personality. All the main qualities of a person to be ugly. People never called me ugly directly, but i feel that these people around me made me feel that way. I feel this negativity inside me to the point i want to die. I've miss a lot of things in my life. I don't wanna be around too many people, because i think they will judge me. I've tried to isolate myself to everyone even with my freinds. Because of that, people see me as different and don't like to be around me. I'm really sensitive when someone is commenting about my physical features. I'm really really mad inside but i can't speak my mind. I'm really afraid and tend to be quiet. I keep it inside, think about it everyday and end up crying myself.

I know you've read stories like this a thousand times, but i just wanna share this to you, someone who can understand me cause i think this is only way i can do to survive my depression.

Thank you for reading. I do hope for your respond. Have a nice day.
warriortears warriortears
6 Responses Oct 22, 2012

Sweetheart, you're not ugly. Only those idiots that bully you like that disgusting gunch that told you to kill yourself are ugly.

Please feel free to message me if you feel hopeless. I'm here for you & God bless you.

For me I don't like using the word ugly. I feel like it's just not nice. And I'm so sorry that you feel that way about yourself. To me attraction can not be based one persons views, including yourself. Though there may be things that you may see about yourself and your like wow that is unattractive(everyone has them) there are probably 10x more attractive and wonderful things that you could find about yourself. For example, you explained in the beginning how you were not fluent in English but look how clearly you were able to put your feelings into words to be understood and felt by others. That's something to be proud about!

First let me say that your English is fine, no problems at all. I doubt very much that you are as unattractive as you think you are. I think that media has created an idea of what we are all supposed to look like and that is false. I expect that you look exactly how you are supposed to look.

There are many people around us and in history also that is much evident that great people were not good looking physically but they are the most beautiful people acknowledged worldwide.I would not sympathise on your story....why should I?You have nothing in yourself that needs sympathy....go and see the world with new perspective....and develop self esteem which certainly not dependent on physical attributes.Read autobiography and biography of great people like Nelsonn Mandela,Mahatma Gandhi,Mother Teresa would come to know the real meaning of "beauty"
You just need to know the real meanings of word.....meanings that are wired by society around are not necessarily right ones.:)

Just that I read Your storry and am aknowledging Your anquish. Hope you find peace.

It sounds like you're going through a really hard time right now... I'm sorry that you are feeling so down. I know what it's like to feel discontent with your body and I know that it can affect your life in every way imaginable. Many people may not know what you're going through and that can feel so isolating. I just stumbled across this site and I've been reading posts... it's comforting to me to read the struggles of other INFJs and see the similarities and differences among us.

For me, depression was the hardest thing I ever faced in my life. I couldn't have made it through without the help of friends and family, and encouragement to see a counselor and psychiatrist. Even if they didn't say anything to me, it felt so good to be able to share all the feelings I had with someone. I don't know you, but from my own experience I can suggest leaning on your support network of friends and family, and seeking mental health services to pull you out of this tough time.

You're not alone! People love you. It's easy to not notice when you don't love yourself. Things are going to get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now. It's hard to share the many things that are going on internally, but there's no shame in it. Sending you positive vibes!

Thank you for reading my post. I just hope people like you could be around me. :')

hi friend -- i want to send some positive vibes too. something else important to remember is that your personality and attitude (about yourself, self-talk, self-image) can either help you or hurt you in this one life we have. if you are depressed, please see a counselor. take these messages with you to help explain how you feel. i know its hard not to self-hate. it can easily turn into a lifelong habit. i'm not the greatest success at defeating it, but i am old and hope you believe me from experience. you are still young and that is in your favor. if you could please learn to accept yourself. i bet you have some great qualities and fun about you. remember, it is our own personalities that help us overcome life's problems or succumb to them. "Life is a Stage."
I hope you think positively about yourself. good luck to you.

I hope this is good advice.
Cher starred in a 1985 movie called Mask. True story about someone who had severe deformity. True story about a guy in soCal. I saw him one time. He had lots of friends walking with him. Take the good and go get those friends.