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The Ugly Friend

I can remember as far as elementary school being teased for the way I looked. I had all sorts of nicknames from my classmates. I told the teachers, they did nothing; one even laughed at one of the names they gave me. Middle school it was the same... picked on because of puberty and told i must be a lesbian because im so god damn ugly no guy wants me. Got called the ugly duckling minus the ending; that i would always be ugly forever. My family knew of the teasing- they just didn't care for my damaged self esteem. As long as i didnt cause them to wake up at 2 am to pick me up somewhere, thats all that matters. They even said if i did something, they would let me stay til i was released. High school was always rejected by guys I came in contact with. I didnt even tell them how i felt and was rejected, even the ones i had no feels for rejected me as well as the ones that i told how i felt about them rejected me. College i was introduced to online dating; some of the guys were interested in me but not much progress was made- we ended up just drifting apart. I had a boyfriend in 2011 but our relationship only lasted 4 months. after our break up no guy gave me the time of day or looked in my direction or anything... its as if im not even there. I go out, dress up but yet they only talk to me to ask me about my friends.
It kind of hurts always being referred to as the nice girl or described as the ugly chix with the hot friends.
An Ep User An EP User 1 Response Jan 22, 2013

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Idk what you look like, and I have my own self-esteem issues, but a couple things came to mind after reading your post.



Firstly, and you can choose whether or not you want to believe this, personality really does make a difference. Of course our first judgments are largely based on looks. Evolution made us that way... attractive features = good genes and nice healthy babies. A lot of beauty is culturally determined, though a lot of it is simply how we are wired. But I have known women who maybe I wasn't attracted to at a first glance, until I got to know them. Sharing laughs, wonderful experiences, a connection between like minds goes a long way for a lot of men. There will always be shallow guys, but there are also men who know that there is so much more to an individual than the way they look. A certain level of physical attractiveness is always a component, but you only have to find those one or two features that turn you on and it just goes from there. Which leads me to my next point...



There are often things we can do to feel more attractive, and feel like others see us as more attractive. Over the last few months I lost 40 lbs (through diet & hard work), and though I still have lots of work to do to get myself into better shape, I look in the mirror and see somebody who I'm more comfortable sharing with others than I used to be. We play to our strengths, and do our best to overcome the things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like very much. There are almost always things that we can do to improve the way we feel about ourselves.



Beauty fades, but that doesn't help us now. People are less shallow as we age, but again, not much help now. We do what we can. If you are reasonable in what you seek out in a man (lookswise), and you have a sweet personality, you will find someone (for a serious relationship, or just for tonight, depending on what you want.) The best we can do is try to stay positive. A smiling face is always more pretty than a frowning one :]



Best wishes!