My Life

Most of my bullying began when i was around 8 years old. I started puberty then, and everybody noticed I was going through changes. I was the oldest in my class too. My body began to develop, my face broke out and class 'mates' began to make fun of me. Soon I couldn't go by a day without someone making fun of my acne. The girls were the worst. They knew that I was shy, and that I wouldn't stick up for myself. They turned the whole class against me, did devious things like plant personal objects of theirs into my shoolbag and tell the teacher I was stealing their belongings. Funny thing is that the head teacher of my primary school had caught the girls being nasty to me on numerous occasions, but still nothing was truly done other than them being told off. They still continued.

At the age of 12 I began High School. For the first year I tried to make friends. Did everything I could. I tried to put make up on to cover my acne but I got made fun off for that too. I started putting on weight, I thought I was comfort eating, turns out there was a lot more to it than that. People began to make fun of me. The boys made fun of my large breasts.

In the second year I became more and more secluded from everything. I was very anti-social. Hid in the girls bathrooms mainly in the cubicles with the doors locked. A few girls knew of my hiding and they chose to make a joke of it. They threw wet towels over the top of the cubicles at me, nicknamed me 'toilet girl' because i spent most of my time in there at school, just wishing I was dead.

P.E was the worst. I hated wearing shorts, I hated my legs because I thought they were fat. The boys laughed and ridiculed me as I attempted to run and shouted at me 'fatty'.

Every morning I began to notice the increase of time I needed to get ready. I spent at least two whole hours in the mirror covering acne scars and more acne appearing. I always wore black to disguise the lumps and bumps of my body, and I had half of my face covered by my long dark brown hair. I always had the half of my face covered with my hair that had the most acne.

At school during breaks I was constantly in the girls bathrooms at the mirror. Girls began to notice me there all the time. Some would mock me as I brushed my hair, some would actually ask me why I was there all the time. I didn't have any friends, I had completely cut off any friendship I had began to form from the first year.

No matter how long I stayed in the mirror, it didn't make any difference, I still thought I was ugly.

Up until my forth year in High School (I was then 16) everything was more or less the same. Except I was now given a room by my guidance teacher at the school. She was so nice and I felt she understood. I also started to see a psychiatrist and was provided anti-depressants to help with my low mood.

I was put into a science class that year with a teacher from hell. He immediately had it in for me. The very first day my mum had to phone the school to tell him that he was wrong in how he treated me, she even told him about my problems. Didn't make a single difference. One day I was so sick of his treatment for me that I lied to the schools office so I could leave the building. I went down the street and was going to jump in front of a car, but then my dad came for me to take me home. Nothing was done about this teacher, but I sure would love to be the one responsible for making him lose his job.

I was then at the psychiatrist once more when I was diagnosed with depression and Body Dismorphic Disorder (BDD). It's a condition that when you look in the mirror, you see yourself differently to everyone else.

I also found out that I have PCOS, Poly-cystic Ovarian syndrome, which causes excess weight problems (also makes you crave sugar severly), excess hair growth and bad acne problems. Turns out I had this since I was around the age of 9/10.

Till this day I cant go out anywhere without feeling severly insecure. I cant go to my local mall, I cant go out with friends. I'm overweight and hate myself, I feel like a freak for having all these conditions. I dont know what to do, my life has no existence. There is plenty more to my life story but that would make this way to long.

I'm 20  in two months and I have wasted the majority of my life indoors hiding. I'm going to make a stand and try my best to get out there. Wish me luck.




xXBeckyMacDXx xXBeckyMacDXx
18-21, F
4 Responses Dec 30, 2009

You go girl !! seriously i think it's good that you're finally coming out of your shell !! best of luck !! :)

I don't think you should hide, neither loathe yourself because that will give the satisfaction to everyone who has ever mocked you. And I don't think you're a freak or ugly, I think you're amazing because you confessed to strangers your life story! You may be fat, ugly or have many issues, but that won't stop life, will it? And neither yours, so I want you to tell yourself that whatever they had told you, it's wrong. It's them that have an empty space in their life so they go to defenseless people to feel they accomplished a big thing. So please, raise your chin to the sky and tell yourself that my imperfections are what make my perfection. Good luck and never change -C.

I'm sorry for the bullying, but you shouldn't change your self because someone thinks you should be different. Why should you listen to them? Question your own actions, take crap from no one. And you know what, I'm the nerdiest, geekiest, uncoolest kid at school, but I'm happier then they are because I know how to live. The kids who bully me are fat, country, tobacco spiting rednecks, who would poor dear **** on them selfs to get closer to their kill. And why should I listen to them. If you listen and do what people tell you, you'll hide, or change, and why would you change, to get those jerk offs to like you!

I understand you. Fortunately, you are judge by your wisdom later on in your life. Study hard and you'll find your way out. <br />
<br />
Try to do some research on the health benefit of lemon water and sulfur face mask.