I Have My Rights!

I was raised as a Christian, my father brought me to church every Sunday with him. I never told anyone that I went to church, because I didn't really believe in it.
I still remember the day my father brought me to church at four years old. I was very happy then, there are so many children to play with, we sing those songs together, we prayed together, we did so many fun things together.
But that was when the abuse started. My parents, especially my father, started abusing me physically and emotionally. I hide all those bruises on my arms and back, I am so scared that someone will find out. The Bible taught me that I must honor my parents, but I found that I couldn't, I simply can't. The Bible also taught against the use of violence, but my parents use violence on me everyday. It made me doubt if my father is really a Christian.
Aunt Shirley was a worker in the church, she asked me about my parents one day, and I blurted out that they are scary. She pulled me into a quiet room, and told me firmly that I must honor my parents, and that talking bad about them is a sin. I showed her the bruises, it is the first time I showed someone, I told her that my parents used violence, she didn't believe, she said that I just committed another sin for lying. She made me pray to God so that he will forgive me for my sins.
The violence in my family got worse, and as I turned ten, I can no longer stand what my parents made me go through. My parents yelled at me that I am ugly and useless, that they didn't knew what they have done to deserve a child like me, they said that I should be dead. They even locked me up and stopped me from eating for meals because they thought that I am too fat and ugly. They would hit me for no reason at all.
I was starting to question "my religion", and I started skipping the Sunday school. Aunt Shirley found out two weeks later and this time, she got angry. She even pulled me by my ear and told me that I am the worst child she have ever seen. She told me that I have too many sins and she don't think they will be forgiven. My parents were informed, and you can guess what they have done to me. I told them I don't want to go church anymore, but they forced me to go every week.
To me, forcing me into a religion is just one part of my abuse, it is also the reason why my abuse never stopped. It went on because I didn't dare to speak against my parents since I have to honor them.
I am 13 today, three years after the day when I recognised the abuse. I am still forced to go church, but I believe that I must take control of my own life. I have the rights to make decisions in my own life!
Kaslyne Kaslyne
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 5, 2012

I see your dilemma. It sounds rather like your family like enforcing their will at you , then it being religious abuse .They were forcing you to go the church , but the real problem is more in violence.

Don't hate your church or your parents, let me loathe them for you. Run away to another place, another church, surely one preacher or another will help you out.