I'm Trying...

I recently discovered that my husband cheated on me. I believe it when people say its the most heart wrenching thing imaginable.

I have to admit I was quite blind-sighted by it. I never EVER thought he'd do that since he himself had been the victim of an unfaithful person as well. I still at times have a hard time believing that this actually happened to me.

I have a hard time trusting people in general. But he was the one person I was completely honested and opened up to. I lost my virginity to him. I feel like I gave him everything I had yet... wasn't good enough?

I can't help but feel that way.

I always said I'd never stick around with a cheater. But I love him so much, I find myself still trying to be with him. Its like I'm just sitting there with my hand on the door knob thinking, "Oh please! Just give me any reason to let you back in."

But the memories of him and her and his uncommited and uncaring attitude to even reconcile for it... It hurts. It aches. My heart feels ripped to shreds. First I thought wow... I feel like writing one of the those emo songs. Haha.  =(

Hurts when someone cheats... and especially when they themselves, are so low in self-esteem that they dont care anymore about anything really. He doesn't even care enough to try to save us. And he won't go to counseling anymore.

How to stop the irritating ping of hurt on the heart...?

That's the real question. Or how can I forget?

Aceanator Aceanator
22-25, F
4 Responses Nov 14, 2009

This must be really difficult for you. He is really bad and he sounds like he is being so ungrateful to you. I know you love him and want him to come back, but I am worried if you just keep begging and being nice to him, he will never do it. In fact, many people take advantages of other's kindness. Same thing happens here and although it hurts to let him go but which one hurts more, leaving him or keep having him cheating? Although it will really hurt to leave him,at least you will recover and you might find the right person for you. Even if it's him, he should come back to you WITHOUT any other girl in his heart. Either way, doing nothing at this point will only hurt you more and will make you sick eventually.

When my ex husband left me for another woman three years ago, I got sick of hearing that the only thing that helps heal is time.<br />
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Unfortunately, it's true.<br />
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I, too, tried everything to try to resolve the issues and save my marriage. I do believe it is possible. But in my case, it wasn't. Unfortunately, he ended up married to the woman he left me for.<br />
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Just remember that either way you choose to go, you are beautiful.

I'm going through pretty much the same thing. The pain is almos unbearable and simliar to the stages of grief when loosing a loved one. I'm going through it now and I hate him for making me feel this way. NOBODY can relate unless they've lived this and that's why I joined this site. To commiserate with people who understand and not imagine what it'd be like. <br />
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Stay strong. You deserve better. That's what I tell myself. I think the reason we feel the need to have them back after what they did is that it's "comfortable". We are safe in what we know and facing divorce and restarting our life is very scary. I dont' know about you, but I don't ever plan to go through this again. It's a permanent scar that has resulted in a loss of naievity.

I looked at that website and I found it to be very very VERY helpful. Thanks. =)