The Mind Is Its Own Worst EnemyI saw this group on a friend's list and realised that I do believe this. She is a genuine person and so I trust this forum.
Saying that intelligence causes isolation seems somehow self-indulgent or arrogant but how true that is. To be alone in the way I think about things, to feel as if I experience the world differently - oh, so lonely. I suppose we all have that inner mind where we believe that we are alone in our thoughts and our mental gyroscopics. I see the logic in so many things, I see flaws in people's arguments, I see unfairness, I see untruths, I see, I see I see.
But the isolation I have lived with for a long time - I have learnt that our mind's ability to process is a gift and once we understand that it seems that the joys of seeing the world with this mind do genuinely outweigh the isolation. I would not part with my mind, with its intelligence and all it brings. Not for anything.
So - to the depression.
I have been in therapy for nine months now. I went because my world has fallen apart. In that time, I have learnt that I have had so many losses in my life and that I have not really recognized them for what they are. My life is a journey of running, of avoiding and now I find myself stopped. Unable to move forward and looking around, I see that I have forgotten to do the things I should have. I live in a world apart from my own - I live on the edge of everyone's life. A stranger in the very worlds that I crave for. I cry from a place that I did not even know was in me - and tears that don't stop - and pain that never dulls.
I now know what it feels like to cry inside - I thought that was only an ex
And what has this to do with intelligence?
Well, I don't believe that my intelligence caused my depression but I do believe that it can hamper my recovery. My mind is so fast, so analytical - I race through self-diagnoses; I follow thoughts like thunderbolts. Sometimes, I can't just FEEL the emotion, I have to justify it, understand it, label it, file it.......anything but let it be what it is and deal with it.
Well that is my story. I am not sure if it makes any sense or is even what this forum is about. Whatever it is, it is me.
Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams.
DumbLondoner 51-55, M 3 Responses 6 Mar 11, 2012