The Mind Is Its Own Worst Enemy

I saw this group on a friend's list and realised that I do believe this.  She is a genuine person and so I trust this forum.

Saying that intelligence causes isolation seems somehow self-indulgent or arrogant but how true that is. To be alone in the way I think about things, to feel as if I experience the world differently - oh, so lonely. I suppose we all have that inner mind where we believe that we are alone in our thoughts and our mental gyroscopics. I see the logic in so many things, I see flaws in people's arguments, I see unfairness, I see untruths, I see, I see I see.

But the isolation I have lived with for a long time - I have learnt that our mind's ability to process is a gift and once we understand that it seems that the joys of seeing the world with this mind do genuinely outweigh the isolation. I would not part with my mind, with its intelligence and all it brings. Not for anything.

So - to the depression.

I have been in therapy for nine months now. I went because my world has fallen apart. In that time, I have learnt that I have had so many losses in my life and that I have not really recognized them for what they are. My life is a journey of running, of avoiding and now I find myself stopped. Unable to move forward and looking around, I see that I have forgotten to do the things I should have. I live in a world apart from my own - I live on the edge of everyone's life. A stranger in the very worlds that I crave for. I cry from a place that I did not even know was in me - and tears that don't stop - and pain that never dulls.

I now know what it feels like to cry inside - I thought that was only an expression but I am no stranger now to the feeling and the sensation that haunts it.

And what has this to do with intelligence?

Well, I don't believe that my intelligence caused my depression but I do believe that it can hamper my recovery. My mind is so fast, so analytical - I race through self-diagnoses; I follow thoughts like thunderbolts. Sometimes, I can't just FEEL the emotion, I have to justify it, understand it, label it, file it.......anything but let it be what it is and deal with it.

Well that is my story. I am not sure if it makes any sense or is even what this forum is about. Whatever it is, it is me.

Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams.

DumbLondoner DumbLondoner
51-55, M
2 Responses Mar 11, 2012

Thank you for sharing your story. I also have a quick mind which I have grown to hate. It's always hyper, it never stops, and therefore I am unable to enjoy life as it comes: one second at a time. Everything is a never-ending rush of what-ifs and should-haves that eat me up inside and take away those rarely seen sleeping hours. I am tired of being criticized by this voice inside my head. I am tired of being compared and thrust into a spiral of anguish and worthlessness each and every single moment of the day. Seeing as to how unhappy I am making myself, I have taken the resolution of going to a shrink for the first time. I have tried Psychologists for years and they only make me angry because they don't listen, they don't really care or they say the most stupid things as if I was an idiot and couldn't have thought of those "answers" on my own. Tomorrow I will have my second session... and I hope I can get home and sleep 8 hours straight.

The part I agree with the most is that in an ordinary environment intelligence will make you feel alone simply because you don't meet people you can share your experiences and interests with. And i do think that it's not really intelligence in itself that causes loneliness - it's just the facts that it sets you apart from others. It's when a person unable to find others like oneself -that's when something that sets you apart and makes you feel disconnected becomes the cause of isolation. And intelligence is just one of so many things that will set you somehow fundamentally apart from people around you.<br />
So, from this perspective, joining this group is not arrogant. I don't regret that I'm the way I am, but very often being me just, simply said, sucks. Because I'm bored, because I don't find people around me interesting, because I'm not looking forward for the end of the day to go do something with people whose company I really enjoy. You are not completely cut off from the world when you are different - you can still have friends, but it's not the same as being with people you enjoy being with. I would not want to stop being me, I just want to stop being alone.<br />
As far as over- thinking contributing to depression.. - I sure may contribute to depression, but depression is not a necessary condition of analytical thinking. Being happy AND think critically is absolutely possible.

Thank you - I dont feel as alone. You clearly feel this the same way.

No you are not alone. I really like your explanation Chloekid. I recognize what you mean. I am very lonely too, but sometimes not really alone. Sometimes, I am with people in whom I find no wisdom or any enjoyment. And they talk and say things that are completely unstimulating for my mind. Sometimes I spend hours with them because I hate being alone. But then I get back home and I am exhausted, irritated at the fact that I wasted all those hours, and more lonely because I cannot seem to find minds that think like me.