Self Medication With Sex As A Drug Of Choice For Depression And Isolation By The Highly Intelligent

This is not a clinical paper, nor is it sourced. It is my opinion based on self experience and anecdotal evidence from others.
I belong to a number of what could be termed as sexually oriented groups on EP, and have noted that many people belonging to these groups are members of this group as well.
So, do we conclude that hyper-sexuality leads to depression and isolation  in people with high intelligence? I submit that the opposite is true and that depression and isolation frequently lead to hyper-sexuality in highly intelligent people who use it as a drug of choice with which to combat or temporarily take the edge off feelings of isolation and depression.
I am one who does, not to say that I don't enjoy sex otherwise. I am almost constantly horny, and online sex, phone or skype eases my symptoms.
Does anyone else have a similar situation? Is being always horny more than just that?
WyattDuFuque WyattDuFuque
66-70, M
6 Responses Sep 19, 2012

I am bi-polar and one of the classic symptoms is hyper-sexuality. When I am in a depressive cycle, it gives me endorphin rush, and when I am manic, it releases energy so I can stop my racing thoughts. My intelligence allowed me to spend a great deal of time plotting how to maximize the number of sex partners I could have so that none of them would know how hyper-sexual I was. (In fantasies, having a woman who desires you all the time is wonderful as this society has a perception that men want more sex than women; in reality, having a girlfriend who actually wants to have sex several times a day every day, is intimidating, and most of the men actually can't have sex that often, and turn on the woman for being bad; note: I am 49 so my data my be out of date for younger men). I am not sure that sex is not a relatively harmless (if you take precautions to have safer sex) way to alter your brain chemistry, not as well as psychotropics, but better than alcohol which is a really bad idea if you are depressed.

thanks for your response. It is ironicallyperfectly timed in terms of me now sharing an experience with you that. I wished not to. Share.sorry for the cryptic response

I really appreciate that you posted this. I also really appreciate the responses from PrincessTwisted and PoetryMaid.

I agree that sex and hyper-sexuality is a self-medication. I am not interested in getting high from drugs or alcohol, but I crave the release from sex. I don't know what ranks as highly intelligent, but yes, I am at above-average intelligence according to various testing even though I feel like a jackass saying that. Who the hell am I to say that, without you guys able to talk to me and judge? And I have always been hyper-sexual, and rejection from men related to sexual incompatiblities has made me sad. But my depression and isolation stems from ADHD and social anxiety. I go to sex to feel good...especially because it is something I do better than most other things. It makes me feel human, relatable and competent. Even now, i am relieved that i am making a connection here about it.

I just called a halt to an online relationship/arrangement of about 9 months because it was so unhealthy. Both of us suffered from depression disorders. It is interesting to think of the sexuality as a manic stage...because we went in cycles. But my sexuality fluctuates monthly due to hormonal changes. It was a convenient to back off the relationship when I didnt feel so overwhelmingly horny.

On my end: Sometimes the urge to have some sort of sex is so overwhelming...and the passion and desire I feel during sex as well...makes me feel like a danger to myself. It is difficult to cope with how intense the sensations are. I had told him it made me feel like the Phoenix in X3 and I think that is still very accurate....both the level of desire, the lack of control asserted over it/not wanting to "fix it", and the desire to be saved from it.

On his end, he admitted recently that it was an addiction for him, a distraction. He had mentioned several times along the way that it was a stress release.

On his end, since we were meeting less than typical sexual desires like bondage, power exchange and so on, and because he is bi-sexual, he was afraid of others finding out. He had an on-again, off-again girlfriend and a religious family. He also managed the IT at his job, so he conducted everything from work--hiding it from others in his life, but putting his job at risk. So I was complicit in endangering him as well.

Altogether unhealthy.

In conversations we opened up to each other a little and provided support, and then backed away because we obvioulsy couldn't be together...he was on a different continent and neither of us would move because of the normal practical risks. I was addicted to the way he talked to me as well as the sex.

The only thing that pried me away was finally making myself accountable and confessing the situation to good friends...since he had another ongoing relationship and I was getting way too attached it was terrible.

I started seeing a counselor for the depression and the ADHD that it stems from. I am of higher intelligence by our societies standards, for all the good it does...and the ADHD and my nerdy interests contribute to feeling isolated. My sexual needs on their own make me feel isolated. i would like to find healthy ways to cope with both the chicken and the egg here.

Thank you .

I was writing a thoughtful response when my computer wiped it out and I haven't the patience to start over. So I would respond in a message more personally but you don't accept PMs .

I never request adds but if you want to be added , request and I'll add you.

Short response : I totally relate to your post.

New day, more patience.

"Sometimes the urge to have some sort of sex is so overwhelming...and he passion and desire I feel during sex as well...makes me feel like a danger tot myself"

Yeah, thats me, although I am managing "self medication" better these months.

Given the thought process you express through your writing (my compliments), I would be surprised if you weren't better at sex than most other things,and I don't believe you are marginalizing yourself. You show an attention to detail and .awareness, which together with "the passion and desire [you] feel during sex as well" makes you a "natural". From personal experience, that is both a blessing and a curse.

"My sexual needs on their own make me feel isolated. i would like to find healthy ways to cope with both the chicken and the egg here"

I would be happy to start a conversation as a chicken or an egg with the intention of being helpful. That said , we both know the elephant in the room. I don\'t consider that a danger, and neither solicit or reject the elephant . I'm honest enough to admit that our writing and our wiring carries the undertones of arousal all too often and may have already started a reaction.

Hope this is helpful.

Well now you have me thinking.....chicken or the egg

invariably thechicken. eggscan't ***

On the female side of things, clitoral stimulation makes you produce serotonin so I have long believed that there is definately some correlation between my sexual drive and my depression, using sex as a way to relieve my depression and anxiety.
I have healthier techniques now, but sadly, old habits die hard!

Old habits not only die hard but can apparently be resurrected from the dead. That being the case, it gives new meaning to the W.C. Fields quote "All things considered , i'd rather be in Philadelphia "

I was in Philadelphia last week, three sex shops within ten blocks! All merchandise was way over priced though.

Clitoral stimulation produces serotonin, leading to feelings of apparent joy, which is almost immediately follows by this quiet sorrow, very momentary, at the sensation of ending. So, in a way, it gives you what it denies you?

I would not say immediately, but it certainly does lead to a come down some hours later.
A one off ************ session, with one or two *******, won't do this, the high that it causes, not high enough for a low.
But after an intense session of *******, yes, a definite comedown effect is present.
In the BDSM world, this is referred to as 'sub-drop' and any dom worth his or her salt is meant to help the sub through it.
Sadly, as I only have casual partners, I rarely have any support during these post playing times.
Luckily, I'm quite good at recognizing what is happening to me physiologically and so I can wait for the feelings to abate. Most of the time.

1 More Response

There is considerable evidence in the medical and mental health field to support your observation.

Back in 1988 Patrick Carnes wrote "Out of the Shadows" which attempts to describe to sane people the attitudes, behaviours and illusions of men and women with a hyper sexual nature.

I have recovered from an addiction to alcohol and in so doing examined my sexual inner and outer world. This has led to years of work on those issues in 12 step groups such as SLAA and SA.
I have found it much harder to halt the sexual patterns than those of booze.

My guess is that 80% on 12 step participants suffer from covert or overt depression. And our sexual behaviour is a manic phase to escape. BIpolar possibly.

Be well.

Very interesting hypothesis...Post it as a question and see what people answer. Not very scientific, but you will get numbers to either support or refute your theory.