I am trying to keep a positive outlook on things. I should really be pretty happy. My life is not a bad one. I have all of my limbs, and they all work pretty well. I still enjoy all of my 5 senses.
I have family, although they don't live very close - I miss them really bad sometimes.
But, I need to be a man and grow on my own. I really think the biggest things that are lacking in my life are a demanding career, and a girl. I think the success and focus provided to me, by a good career; is something that will greatly improve my self-esteem and confidence, and that will in turn help me with women.
A troublesome part for me though, is that I have been doing that forever. At first I was like, Well, I can't get a good girlfriend in Jr. High; I gotta wait for high school. Then high school came, and I had to wait until I was a Junior, then a Senior. Then I had to wait for college, then I just waited until I didn't live on campus, then when I'm done college, then when I get a car, then when I get a better job...
I just am worried that I keep putting it off, and eventually it'll just be too late.
I have had girlfriends and short-relationships; really a few times. I am really picky though, and when you combine that with super shy; well it doesn't end up in a really busy dating experience.
Anyway, I'm trying to re-focus on myself and my business. I have built a business twice before; and both times I was able to make it "into the black," within 6 months or less. I already have the base of the business running; I just need to pick up the pace - and WANT it.
I know that I have to keep finding jobs, in order to have them to do. That's one of the big tricks to owning/running a business by yourself. I was happy to do it before, both with a partner, and then when I had a girlfriend with a baby. In the past I have needed to have someone else depending on me to succeed, for me to succeed.
If it's just for me, I usually don't care enough to WANT it. I am doing my best to stay just succeeding for myself. I want to get back to living alone, as soon as I'm able (1 month until roommate is supposed to leave); but until and after then, I want to still live positively. I need to succeed in life, just for me. I need to learn to be more selfish inside. I love to grill and to snowboard, and lots of things. But, I very rarely will do it alone. I'll do all the work, it's not that I want someone to help me, it's just that I want someone to do it FOR, besides me. I'm trying very hard to change that. It's worth succeeding just for myself to enjoy. It's worth me cooking a nice meal, just for me. I shouldn't focus so much of my life on others.

I have always done that and I'm not certain how to start changing it.
I am going to just try my best to remain positive, keep trying hard - just for me. My dog needs me, that should be enough.

I really could use some love though. It's been close to 2 years, and I just really miss contact. I made this account and found this site originally because of the heartache resulting from my being dumped. I feel like I've finally gotten over the girl, but about 2/3rds of the way through this depressive phase, I think it changed from broken heart to just plain depression.
Well, anyway, I'm just hoping that I can change things. I literally can do so much, and that's part of what's so sad about my current situation. I never see a task and say to myself "I'd never be able to figure that out," except like gymnastics and professional sports things... I just feel like I need a chance, and a direction. I'm old enough now to understand, just because I want it - it doesn't mean it will arrive. So I decided that I can make it myself, I just need things to work well and have good luck for a little bit.
Plus, I need to keep determined. I'm going to - I think I'm worth it. I just have to remember that. :)
Nateindenver Nateindenver
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 30, 2014

I'm sorry to hear about all this, it's hard to deal with, there have been times where i've been really down in the past, but remember, it goes away sometime, you just gotta hold on :) it may sound cheesy, but it works :)

yeah, that's kind of a cliche; unfortunately. I try hard to believe it, and I think at my core I do... But it's been an awful long time I've been saying that to myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's accurate, or just an old saying that survives because of optimism.

i feel identificated in some things with you.