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Depressive Confusion

  Someone with the need for brains would wonder why someone who can do "extraordinary" things would be depressed about themselves. Well... I happen to think a lot, and if not thinking i'm wondering, if i am not wondering i'm questioning. If not, i am correcting. When i'm quiet i'm looked down upon and only when i open my mouth and utter a few things (usually to correct and guide people to do things the right way) its like a shock and like "whoa o.k miss professor". That doesn't bother me anyway.

   What bothers me is the fact that i love to be alone and i some how judge people unconsciously. I hate it but i also hate being judged, which happens a lot so i wont go there. Hypocrite. Everyone seems to be very stupid to me. The things they do (more than half that can be avoided) and the way people act, the drama they create, the attention they seek. Attention.... what does it do for you other than make people look at you and what you do.

   Last but never the least, i end up confusing myself because i think of so many things at the same time it all just goes BOOM. Epic failure.

poetryplays3 poetryplays3 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 7, 2009

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You're obviously intelligent enough to understand the following concept, or you wouldn't be so tortured.<br />
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Gaining knowledge is a linear process in the same sense that time is linear. (Whether either truly are remains to be seen but this is our perception based on.... our current knowledge.)<br />
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The feelings that you are having are very similar to mine own at your age... let me try to explain why.<br />
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What you have is a [linear] progression. Example:<br />
1-----------------2----------3---4------5-------6----7<br />
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Also notice that the distance (----) between the "stages" is not consistent or predictable.<br />
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Just as the process of learning to read took --time--, --understanding-- your current state will take time.<br />
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This is how I've related to what you've written, and how someone 15 years my elder is in a position to understand my current state better than I. Notice old people are generally wiser.<br />
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So what help was any of that information....<br />
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With knowledge comes peace of mind, and while you will understand yourself better and resolve this "problem" of yours in --time-- you will have a new set of "problems" at that point. Problems created by yourself in the pursuit of growth and evolution as a human being. <br />
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If that is more depressing than it is a consolation then you're missing out on the beauty of the process of life and the forward momentum of existence.<br />
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------keep----searching-------