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Internet Dating, the Answer to the Lonely Heart...or Maybe Not

I have been single for almost 5 years and I am reaching the point where I think I shall never meet the right man to share my life with. My divorce from a long loveless marriage was inevitable and difficult, but I also had a glimmer of excitement that finally I would be free to meet and date other people and somewhere in that process I was bound to meet someone perfect for me.

I was cautious and shy to begin with. Post divorce, I was void of a social life. Clubs and pubs reserved exclusively for the under 30's denied me the chance to get out and meet people of my peer group. The church offered up single men, still living with their mothers who never even dated, let alone be pushing for a relationship. I spoke to my other single friends...

'The internet' they said and more precisely internet dating. Out there and at your fingertips a whole myriad of super sassy sites with easy access. Fill in a profile, add a few reasonable pictures and list exactly what you are looking for. Not only would the dear internet pick out suitable men, it would screen them for all your preferences. Non smoker, tall, solvent, hard working, reasonably fit and active...No way were you ever going to have to suffer some boring chain smoking lay about...he wouldn't make it through the strict criteria...so...

You punch it all in, jazz it up with a few lines about yourself. I am happy (but not really) carefree (but not always) out going (except when I realise how lonely I am) take great care of myself (except for on another Saturday night when I have been stuffing the Haagen Das and glugging the chardonnay out of sheer and utter mind crushing boredom) I am fun ( except when I just want to bury myself under the duvet in sheer frustration)...you create a persona so attractive that even passing comets veer off course and steer their way to you.

But should you tell the truth??

'I am an insecure, lonely, over anxious hermit, who desperately wants to be loved. I do have a big heart (and this is true) but I am shy to meet people. I have a pretty nice exterior but want to avoid being humped and dumped!!!'

Put this in your profile and you'd be lucky to attract shrek!!...so you go with the flowery, sunshiney, sugar coated option in the hope that someone will notice!!!...you hit the button and wait for the e-mail to start rolling in...

And this is what I did... (to be continued)

deleted deleted 26-30 66 Responses Mar 5, 2009

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I meet the love of my life on Christian Mingle dating website. Good luck to all of you who is still looking.

OMG this cracked me up so much because it is actually true.

Wow, I do think you can still find love as long as you're honest and have the stamina. I found love in the most unlikely place, a dive bar. He definitely doesn't fit the profile of someone you think about meeting in a bar. You just never know when love is going to hit you and how long it will last. I agree that the internet can be misleading, though I've tried it I believe it attracts people who are attached already and are restless and don't appreciate what they already have. It's too bad people want to view it as a way to keep yourself in the meat market. I am glad for the time being that I don't have to be on a lonely dating site. I too have a pretty exterior but see that what on the inside is what counts. I suppose I have met men and became disallusioned by what seems in the beginning to be misleading. I suppose I have been the one who's humped and dumped others. Either way it didn't last true love is so much more than sexual chemistry, its communication and having the same core beliefs. So many variables, its so wonder any of us find true bliss.

Wow,...I am exactly there. So true. People are such liars. I have met married men cheating on their wives, men who are sexual deviants...you name it. I just constantly changed my profile. Ps...never say that you have children until you have gotten to know him, yes the pediaphile is also online.

I know I spelled it wrong, but protect the children.

What makes me sad is that people actually believe that just because you have never had a relationship, that that makes you someone who stays with his mother or is ugly. I currently live with two other people and we split the rent of a large house between us, I have travelled twice to and lived for over a year at a time, by myself in Taiwan. I can cook my own food, iron and wash my own clothes and budget for myself so that I live comfortably. Sometimes I just feel that girls or women have become very, very cruel beings and I am not alone.



Maybe I should just seal myself off from them altogether.

I have wasted I don't know how much time and money on internet dating that I have given it up.

It is hard for a woman to meet a good man after the end of her formal education. The only social mechanism I trust is church youth groups. A surprising number of doctors are married to a former nurse, and a surprising number of engineers and executives are married to a former secretary.

My parents met online and im alive so I can't complain

I met the love of my life through OK-Cupid. Dating is a incredibly narrow field, aimed almost exclusively at heterosexuals under 25. As a homosexual female, it's rough to approach a woman, when you're unsure of her sexuality, and of course, "Hey so um...are you a lesbian?" doesn't make for the smoothest of pick up lines. As a divorcee and a mother, you also have hurdles to jump through. Wonderful things can happen through the internet. It all depends on how you use it!

I tried internet dating and had a couple of bad experiences. I say stay away from those dating sites and try to find people to get to know - who will get to know (and possibly) love you. If you have hobbies like hiking or whatever find a Meetup to go with a group of people. There's lots going on out there. BTW I like the Shrek comment.

Ok - so I had a moment of weakness and signed up for a site. The problem is my town is small and no venue to meet decent people. Call me a hypocrite but I see it as a necessary evil.

Me parents met online and i turned out fine

I tried being honest... did not work on dating sites. Only when I made it less... me... it attracted some freeks, and all they wanted was webcam and saying dirty stuff. Seriously, are there no guys which honor truth out there? Web sucks, but at least you can find guys who might be attrackted to you truly considering the 00.01% chanse of finding someone close by being honest.

Great post! You should be honest, but you don't have to share everything. When you start talking to them, then you start opening up about you, ease into it, don't just put it all out there, let them want to talk more and get to know you more and figure you out. (:

Well true story. I never actually sought people to date per say. When I was 15 saw this couple together in the ministry and I had this impression to ask God to pick my wife for me. So I did and then after I asked God I was walking outside and some friends were talking and they were like "my name" why don't we ever see you dating any girls? So I told them I never had anyone ask and I guess I wasn't worried about it cause in the right time God would bring us together. So I left it at that.



I did feel lonely some times later and I admit I was attracted a few times but I guess I never felt led to ask anyone out. Later I was in the Army and I think I had told God that I didn't want to get married till I got out of the Army cause I knew how it was for married folk in the Army.



About the time I was getting out of the Army people started coming up to me and would prophecy suddenly that God had picked a wife for me. This from people who didn't even know each other. I was around 22. I knew God was up to something and I accepted it. It was after I had asked God after realizing some one I thought who might be "the one" was "maybe not" I asked God that he would guide me so I didn't miss who he had for me. Then I got a call the next day from a woman I had lost contact since she had left the Army a year out of the blue. I guess she suddenly had the urge to look at old e-mails and found my home number and called me the day after that prayer. There were dreams that God gave her and then me later afterwards too. Even her dad had this impression that some one she was seeing wasn't the one. That who ever he was wore glasses. I guess some how he knew that. There were quite a few miracles that led to us getting married even though she was from the other side of the USA at the time.



Anyways that's what worked for me and I guess it didn't happen really fast cause I got married at 25 but I didn't worry too much about it and it worked it self out. In fact I had forgotten I had asked God that but I was reminded after I started getting prophecies from people at different churches. At that time we visited quite a few distant churches.



Not to say it happens the same way for everyone but that's how it worked out for me. Been married over 6 years now.



I'll keep you in my prayers and wish you the best.

Before i comment let me compliment your wordsmithing, i couldnt help but laugh with what you said about comets veering.



Ive tried more than once on a couple different singles sites and im over it. Most people on those sites claim to be one thing and then turn out to be another. I was signed up on one site for over a year and cancelled it, especially when i realized how many of the women there were on there for 3 and 5 years. If anyone is on a singles site for more than 5 years, dont date them, ever!

I know exactly how you feel! I am so bitter anymore.. I don't even have friends let alone a love. I am 24 I have a little girl that is two and I feel exactly the way you do! to be honest with you I don't know that I have ever truly been in love with anyone. I try these online dating sites and every single person I meet ranging from the 30 yr old virgin to the x Meth dealer have made online dating prospects completely unattractive. I am starting to think I am the defective one. I reek of desperation and I feel so needy, I neither gained friends or love from online dating. I understand that headline.

holy crap ive never seen 61 comments before



the piece you wrote was pretty good

I absolutely loved reading this. So very true. The internet only enables you to hide further by giving you the tools to make your prison walls look more inviting from the outside.



Everyone loves to use the term "WYSIWYG" to describe themselves, but rarely are they ever telling the truth.

There's nothing wrong with being single. It's okay if you need more time to yourself. Online and real life dating both have its draw-backs. You might not be ready to jump back out there, yet. Don't rush...

Sadly, I believe that is what most people do - which means that you more than likely really are not going to be going out with the person that you think that you are.



But there is indeed more truth in what you write than not.

it can also kindle love , if your not in it ,you can not win it , have an interest and join a club , start networking , you could even meet a guy through some of your women friends , their male friends , cousins ,brothers ect , it will happen when you least expect it , start having a life for YOURSELF , good luck......sat

This breaks my heart because it is very raw and true.

All I can say, is WOW! Well, maybe a bit more. What a ride it was, reading all of your comments up to this point. I don't know whether to be "jacked - up" or "crushed". Lots of great insights though.

I wont say your wrong because alot of timesthats all any dating is about.I think people are too scared to admit that we all have loniness and fears about being alone.What we do instead is lie to ourselves as well as others and tell people we dont need love from others.



Dating websites are a give and take.Ive been on them and im not exactly a big hit on any of them.The older you get and the more jacked up some of your situations are the worst time you'll have.This is enough to discourage anyone from joining any of them!



Hang in there and time will tell if you will find the man of your dreams no matter what your situation is and how you feel about things.

There's more people out there that share your situation than you might think.. ill keep you in my prayers.

Nobody knows where you will find your love, thus, keep searching every where and do not focus your search in one place.



You could meet him/her in the supermarket, or some kind of event that put you together. However, do not wait for such events to happen but go for places where a lot of people want to meet each other.



Embarrassment and shyness may leave you in the darkness where no body can see you. Go to the light, and enlighten your self with positive ideas and introduce your self to people.

You may make some mistakes but who does not, and do not be afraid because this is the only way to learn from your life.



Understand people and think of a way to get a long with the ones who are good for you.



May God fill our lives with his graces.

i met my girlfriend through the internet , after many disaster dates! and we are still together 4 years on! and very happy so it can work for some people, best of luck x

I totally understand how you feel Singleliving, I have been taking a break from internet dating for similar reasons.

Excellent reflections. I too have been single for a little over five years. I don't think I am jaded or picky, think I am holding out for the 'one'. In the meantime I am resolved to spend time with interesting minds, maybe make a friend or two. However dating as one gets older is a tricky business. I agree it is trying filling out those profile 'about me' thingies. I often have a mind block when it comes to those things because I believe I am evolving and learning about this life of mine.

Fustrated, there's three great times for women to get married: 1) right out of high school; 2) right after college, and; 3) right after he got divorced or widowed. After periods one and two, she starts falling into the aged wreck catagory. The guys women want to marry are the guys who have some kind of academic success and a good chance of continued employment and those guys get married after periods one and two. After that, it's left overs (social retards, chronic unemployed, on parole, etc) a gal doesn't want to marry until #3 comes along. He'll have an employment track record and can't stand living alone. He won't be in the market for long.




Big question is would you want to marry/date a guy in the same position as you're in? You're going to have to change.

The internet didn't kill love. Love lives in us all. Only you can kill your love. I met my current girlfriend on Craigslist. We have been dating for over a year and plan on getting married down the road. We get along great and our personalities perfectly compliment each other. I hate coming off as a ****, but I have to in this case. If you have failed relationship after relationship, if they keep cheating on you, or dumping you, or something else ALWAYS happens to ruin it... It's probably you. You are most likely doing something wrong or your standards are out of whack. You control your own life, your own destiny, your own actions, your own happiness. From what I can tell, your not even happy with yourself. How can you make someone else happy?