The Sexually Active Woman's Perils of Internet Dating

My sexual experiences have been all over the board.  I am not a prude and, when I am not emotionally or morally bound  to a man, I am sexually active.

The last time I was this way was 10 years ago, before I met my xhusband.  Boy, oh boy, have things changed.  Men 35 and above are far different from men 35 and under.  In a year and a half, I have slept with about 15 men, with only 3 or 4 more than 2x.  I am an internet *****, but I am honest about this... at least here (and yes, I have been tested and no, nothing...I am not THAT stupid).

I am also sexually frustrated.  Life over 40 or so changes for men, and for women as well.  I am finally over most of my sexual hangups and want to have a great one on one relationship with a man.  Most of the men I have met who are divorced, want to do everything they couldn't do with as many people as they can (at one time) that they didn't do while married.  Well, wait, there are some who want to continue to do things like swingers clubs, etc. that they did do while married.  But, here's the catch.  This is what they want, but is it form over function or function over form?

The over 40 male crowd is a minefield of men who either can't get it up, can't keep it up, or can't let it go either.  There have been times that I wanted to give out a questionnaire.  Issues such as medication, mental/emotional hangups, ************, etc. would be on there.  I have learned too many times after the fact, that I should have found out a few more things first (yes, my bad).  But, in truth, sometimes you never will know until you are in the moment.

Emotionally, I have never been able to hit all cylinders with any man.  Maybe it is me.  Maybe I realize that I have don't have to put up with or settle for someone where there isn't a good fit.  But, maybe too, it is because many men will never commit to one person again because they aren't capable of it, or at least I have seen this repeatedly.  Maybe it is me rationalizing rejection, but I have done enough rejecting, and frankly, respected many of the men who rejected me, that it's okay.  I don't think it should have to be forced anyway. 

But, a few days ago, I met a man who I thought (rationally) that we would be a great fit.  He was very excited and showed it.  Three days later (and no real pressure), he showed up for our date jittery as hell, and said "he wasn't ready" because he wasn't willing to take the risk.  He isn't ready, or he is being nice in his rejection of me, but either way, I think he is a jerk.  But, I am glad that he cut it off at the pass before I did really start getting into him... LOLOL (And, no we didn't do it.)

I have a well functioning brain and can write and talk.  I want to see love, the verb, in action.  When I do, then I don't understand why their is a retreat.... but then, maybe I am just ready...

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not all about bashing the middle age set of men and up.... but I want to love just one, on all levels who is ready.  I will continue to navigate the perils of this pursuit until I find the one, whether it be the internet or life.

thetruthfinally thetruthfinally
Mar 13, 2009