Chuck Norris Makes Onions Cry !

 Let's brighten everyone's day with a few Chuck Norris sayings.....

  • When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark OFF.
  • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March31 to April2, no-one fools Chuck.
  • Chuck Norris tells his GPS where to go.
  • Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
  • Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night.
  • Chuck Norris can drown fish.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
  • They once made Chuck norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
  • Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
  • When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  • Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one
  • Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own
  • There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks
  • Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
  • If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
  • If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  • One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. 
  • Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. 
  • Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
  • Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
    a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  • Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
  • Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear
  • Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

How about adding YOUR favourite Chuck Norris sayings..............

c8lorraine c8lorraine
20 Responses Jul 10, 2009

don't you just love how this fellow has become a part of the internet culture

Chuck Norris uses a night light , Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck<br />
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter.<br />
Chuck Norris doesnt do push ups He pushes the world down

LOL! Great post. Thanks for sharing this.

Another LOL post, one to pull out and re-visit on a gray day...I'm marking this one. Thanks :)

yeah, they were dam awesome

We need to laugh more often on EP, don't you think ?

Hilarious! I love Chuck Norris jokes :D

glad you are all enjoying them !<br />
<br />
EP needs some laughs

I loved this. Thanks for sharing.

These are great! Thanks!

LOL having a good laugh ! Thanks.<br />
<br />
there is another bunch there....<br />
<br />
<a href="" target="ep_blank"></a>

LOL!! definitely a great way to start off my day! thanks!! lol


When Chuck Norris does push ups, he's not pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down...

Chuck Norris can beat anyone playing connect 4 in only 3 moves!

I just laughed so hard...<br />
<br />
Here is my contribution, though not as good as yours:<br />
<br />
Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.

They are all good ones thanks for sharing.......

Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.

The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.