Chapter Three

The television blares as the red eyed old sot stares at it.

"Weellllll boys and girls, what time is it?"

"Its howdy doody time!"

 

ST (Sergeant Tim) -- " Jesus, where do they get these reruns? He shoots the TV with his pistol. **** Howdy Doody. I need to post the next chapter in the story of the EP protectors."

Meanwhile, on a rocket ship trying to dock at the space port.

DS (Dasmuggler) - " ST, come in ST, are you there? ST, you forgot to pay the docking fees again this month. %^$#@$#%$, how in hell are we going to save EP from the evil commander Pushky if we can't land our space ship?"

ST - (Belching and farting) "Damn, just a minute." He looks at the desk to see a check made out to the space port. "Look guys, just come over and land in my back yard. The cops here are crooked and I will pay them off if they try to give you a ticket."

DS -- "$%$#@#$, I need to find a different occupation. Crime fighting is starting to suck."

The space ship lands in ST's back yard. Chickens and goats are blown away by the back blast from the rocket engines. Two gorgeous women step out of the space ship. They are both dressed exactly the same in space suits except one is dressed entierly in pink and the other in black. On the pink suit is a wine colored name tag that says M. Mouse and on the other super heroin is a tag that says C. Kitten. Both have jump boots which come up almost to the knees on their skin tight space pants. Strapped on either is a phaser and large knife.

MM (Moomouse) -- "Tell me the truth, does this suit make my butt look too big?"

CK (Curiosity Kitten) -- "Perhaps a little. Basic black is the color you need. Black goes well with anything."

MM -- (Pouting) "I told that guy that when I bought this #@#$% suit."

DS steps off the space ship. He is dressed in burmuda shorts (camouflaged) and a camouflaged t-shirt with the sleeves ripped out. Across his chest in a combat carry is the biggest space blaster in the galaxy. On his name tag are the words "Bite Me." -- "Girls, why is there goat **** all over the space ship?"

MM -- "Probably because you landed right in the middle of the goat pen. Where did you get your space ship license anyway? From a box of cracker jacks?"

CK -- " Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird; it's a plane, It's . . . ."

MM "It's that naked guy we saw before."

A trumpet sounds as the naked man lands. "Tah Dah - NudeinVA man at your service,"

CK -- "Who in hell writes this stuff anyway. Look NV (NudeinVA), we don't need any help."

NV -- "NV man never takes no for an answer. I shall return when you are in need." With this he takes off again and flies through the neighbors house, sending it crashing through the ground."

NV -- "Oops."

CK -- "Who was that naked man?"

MM -- "That is an old stale line, girl. Get something new."

CK -- "The idiot who writes this is a . . . ."

Suddenly an old white haired drunk appears at the door. He burps and staggers to the space ship."

ST -- (With tears in his eyes) "Have you seen my special goat? The one with the little bonnet, eye shadow and lip stick?"

CK and MM together -- "GROSS"

The three crime fighters and ST return to his house where there is a small office.

CK - "This place smells like something dead."

ST -- "Sorry about that. You see, the other day my girlfriend and I were, well . . . . Anyway she got sick - ptomaine food poisoning. The cops arrested me - said I put that old dead piece of meat in here and . . . . God, I am going to miss my goat."

MM and CK together-- "GROSS"

DS -- "ST - Do you have a plan?"

ST -- "Yes, I plan on buying another fifth about noontime and . . . ."

DS --@#$@$%%^, not that plan !@##$% I mean a plan to defeat the evil Pushky."

ST -- "Yes," he hands all three ear plugs. "Use these and that evil villain won't be able to scramble your brains with his evil questions."

MM -- "For once you have a good idea old man."

ST -- (Farting and belching) "Huh."

CK and MM together -- "GROSS"

The scene fades to the headquarters of WEIRDO, the space alen hangout. There is an **** of eating and drinking going on. Commander Pushky sits on a very large commode, gilded with gold leaf. The loudspeaker plays a recording of CPs voice, "and then if the chicken had its head wrung off and the little girl fell down the stairs and her father drank himself to death. . . ."

CP -- "I guess the same guy designed this damned throne as designed the one on Transvestite?"

Glorp (GP-) -- Wincing, "Yes your obtuseness."

CP --" Klaatu."

Glorp -- "Please, your Gastric Fluidness, not that again."

Klaatu, a giant robot alien proceeds to beat Gorp senseless again. -- ". . . and order now and we will double your order. Think of it, two for one. The handy dandy . . . "

CP -- (Roliling his eyes) "Why me lord?"

Suddenly the hordes of aliens start to shriek and run. Our three superheroes burst through the door. "All for one and one for EP," they say together.

DS -- "One of these days I am going to look at the manual and see how that's supposed to go."

CP -- (Chewing on a human arm) "Ah the three super wimps. You will never defeat me. I can . . . ."

CK and MM together -- "GROSS"

The wall crashes down and we hear, "Tah Dah, its NV man to your rescue."

CK -- "Look, nude guy, you are in the wrong scene. didn't you read the script." She holds out a sheaf of paper.

NV -- "Oh yeah, I come in when the giant whipped cream pie is smashed into that buttheads face." He points to CP.

MM --" Now you've given the plot away."

NV -- "Up, up and away, oivay, oleigh, what? who writes this crap anyway?" He flies through the wall, crashing the next two houses to the ground and overturning the water tank for the city."

NV -- "Oops."

CP -- "I see that your stupid boss has given you ear plugs. Well, that will not work because . . . ."

With that, the scene fades to the home of ST. He sits there, staring at the computer screen.

ST -- "Damn, I've written myself into a corner. How am I going to get them out of there and kill commander Pushky once and for all. Has anyone seen my mixer. Damn, man can't even have a bloody mary when he want's one." He belches loudly.

And now a word from our sponsor. "Does you lover's flatulence keep you awake at night. Do you gag under the covers because of his raunchy farts. Try mister stoppo fart. Made from genuine Portugese cork and Brazilian rubber. One simple anal insertion and we guarantee he won't fart for two days. Ignore the story you heard about the explosion - it's not true. I promise.

Only nineteen ninety five - order now and we will throw in a gallon of air freshener for free."

ST -- Falling on the floor in a drunken stupor. "Screw it, maybe tomorrow I can think of some bull **** story to get the superheroes away from the evi Pushky. Wretching, he passes out.

As the scene fades away we can hear in the background CK and MM, "GROSS"

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

levin60kitty levin60kitty
61-65
19 Responses Feb 12, 2009

OMG Massive boobs. Help.

LOL! : )

Duh, that thing stinks more than a year old rotten ****..damn girl what did ya have for dinner yesterday? @_@<br />
<br />
*Hold his nose closed*

Ha... ha... ha... now... I... find... boob... jokes... funny... too... <br />
<br />
Floydian... Klaatu... and ... I... fart... in.... your... general.... direction....

Yes, they are prototypes from the Blonde Ambition tour!

If you're not careful, Moo and I will get our automatic weapons out....and we all know how scared you all are of our massive boobs.

I made the mistake of asking myself if this could get any weirder<br />
<br />
I will not ask that anymore

hahahahahaha!!!!!! thanks levin, i am here with you..vaporize her!!!!! mwahahahaha!!

It... worked... ha... ha... ha... that .... was... so... funny... ha... ha... ha... ! No... vaporizing... needed... commander... ha... ha... ha... Fart... jokes... funny...!

Will you vaporize her with one of your farts?

GROSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saratoga - I am sending Klaatu to see you. He will adjust your chip so that it makes fart jokes funny. If that doesn't work I will come there and vaporize you.

He can kick my arse, but still I had fun! However, he is now in a corner and he has to come up with a plan to do away with CP and his herd. Way too funny Levin!

DS --@#$@$%%^, not that plan !@##$%

This... story.... was .... not... funny.... <br />
My... implanted... chip... does... not... compute.... fart... jokes...

For once you took a change of words! :P

Haha he kicked your butt inva!!! LOL

Oops!

HAahahahahahaahahaahahaha!!!!!!!!! *CK and MM : GROSS*