I Am...not...a ... Space... Alien

Yesterday we left the evil Pushky in a face off with our three superheroes and the naked guy. Also, sergeant Tim was passed out on the floor of his office. Dinosaurs roamed the earth and volcanes erupted. A giant asteroid was headed towards Hog Squeal, Alabama, but what the hell. that is another story.

Our scene opens as Sergeant Tim tries to stand erect.

ST -- "Crap, these hangovers are killers."

Suddenly the radio comes to life.

DS -- "Sergeant Tim, we need help. The evil Pushky has us cornered and is threatening to pull out our earplugs. Help!"

ST -- (Burps loudly) Gee - help the superheroes. This calls for a drink."

DS --(The radio crackles to life) "And you can stop @##@$% drinking for a ##$%%% minute, you #$#@@% sot. WE #@$%^@# need @##@$% help."

ST -- "I need help too. I lost my shot glass"

DS -- @@##$$%#

ST -- "Alfred, crank up the batmobile. I need to make a run to the store."

GB (George the faithful butler)-- "Sir, I think you are hallucinating again. I am george, not Alfed. He was the butler in Batman. This is the story of the EP Protection Squad."

ST -- "Oh yeah. Listen, got any ideas on how I can get to the headquarters of the evil Space Alien Commander Pushky?"

GB -- "Perhaps you could use the Segway."

ST -- (Farts and belches simultaneously) "Yeah, the Segway. What in hell is a Segway anyway?"

GB -- "The two wheeled contraption you bought after you saw the movie Paul Blart, Mall Cop."

ST -- (Farts again) "Oh yeah."

GB -- (Rolling his eyes) "Shall I being it around for you sir?"

ST -- "Nah, I will drive it right out of the bat cave."

GB -- "Sir, you are hallucinating AGAIN. We don't have a bat cave, only a garage."

ST -- "Yeah, right." Sergeant Tim mounts the Segway and rolls towards the WEIRDO headquarters.

Meanwhile MM CK, and DS are locked in a death match with Pushky.

CP -- "There, aha, I have removed the ear plugs from your puny human ears." Evil organ music sounds.

MM and CK fall on the floor.

CK --" Oh my god. Make him stop. Oh the humanity."

MM -- "He's almost as mean as the @#@$% who sold me these pink leotards."

DS -- "Hold on girls. I have one more transmission to ST. ST, ST, are you ;there?"

ST -- "I am on my way. Hold on."

The three fight ferociously to overcome the maddening sounds of Commander Pushky's senseless and endless questions. Suddenly there is a crash as nudeinVA crashes through the remaining roof.

NV -- "Tah Dah, its nudeinVA man to the rescue,"

MM -- "Listen, why are you always naked? I don't see anything in the script about that."

NV -- "I'm a big man and I can do what I please."

CK -- (Looking at nudeinVA) "You call that big?"

NV -- (Flustered) "Well;. it's not how big it is but how you use it."

Ck and MM -- "Yeah, right."

NV -- "I'm outa here. Up up and er uh. Give me the damned script again. Who writes this crap anyway?"

CK -- "That drunken idiot ST is the one. Geez, where does he put all that booze?"

NV -- "Oh hell, I'm gone." He crashes through the one board left in the roof and snaps the wing off a passing jetliner. the plane plummets to ground in a ball of smoke."

NV -- "Oops."

CK and MM --"GROSS."

Sergeant Tim pulls into the headquarters of the evil Pushky on his Segway. As he stops, he falls forward from the Segway and crashes into the throne of Pushky. He stands up and faces the three super heroes.

ST -- "I have arrived."

The three start to clap and whistle.

DS -- "All right Pushky, now you die. Sergeant Tim is her with us."

Sergeant Tim and Commander Pushky start to laugh.

ST -- "Did you really think I came to help you, puny humans? Behold!" He rips open his shirt to expose a maze of wires and electronic components. In the middle is what looks like a keg of whiskey with a tap in it."

CK -- "Well, at least I know where he puts all tha t rot gut whiskey he drinks."

MM -- "How could you?"

ST -- "I landed on the same space ship as CP. We will put chips in your heads. Do not fight us. It won't be painful. You will be assimilated."

CP -- "You idiot. That was from star trek, next generation, episode 63 where he Borg are attacking the earth."

ST -- "I don't think so. It was episode 46."

DS -- "You are both wrong - It was episode 52, the one where Warf . . . ."

Well boys and girls, we leave our entrepid heroes and heroines arguing with the evil space alien commander and turncoat sergeant Tim about which star trek episode it was. Will our three superheroes survive. Will sergeant Tim sober up in time to decide whether he is really a space alien or not? Will evil Commander Pushky take over the universe. Tune in next time, same EP channel, same EP time.

Jesus - and now a word from our sponsor. (A picture of a mean looking man with a three day growth of beard comes on the screen) He is holding a small puppy. "Everyone out there send me a dollar or I off the puppy. You folks like puppies? You can have this one, or puppie sausages. Yah ha ha ha ha ha. Send the money - NOW.)"

As we fade out, we see sergeant Tim with his head in his hands. "This is totally stupid. I think I am going to get rid of this computer and become a hermit. Now that ST has become a traitor I don't know what I will do. Hmmmmm, maybe CK, MM, DS, and NV will write a chapter and I can stay on a three day drunk. Hmmmmmmmmm The picture fades into nothingness as we hear our three super heroes say, "who wrote this stupid ****?"







levin60kitty levin60kitty
3 Responses Feb 12, 2009

Got to run and do business - I will return late tonight. I wanted nudeinVA to write the next chapter, then dasmuggler, moomouse, and curiosity kitten ( not necessarily in that order) Thats the way we used to do it in writing class (where I got a D - ha ha) Later guys. Take care.

Das does swear a whole lot in these stories. You've got a potty mouth!!

"And you can stop @##@$% drinking for a ##$%%% minute, you #$#@@% sot. WE #@$%^@# need @##@$% help."<br />
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heh heh I cuss a lot