My Excuse For Being Gone.

To my friends,

            I apologize for being gone these last couple of  days.

            I was helping three more guys load bricks into the third floor of the Commerce, Georgia Gazette newspaper building last Thursday when I was involved in a terrible accident.                                                                                               It left me unconcious and in the emergency room at the hospital.  What really hurt was the fact that my flask of Jim Beam fell from my pocket and one of them crooked S.O.B.s what I was helping must of got it and drank it.  Here's what happened and it is my excuse for being gone.  This is a true story.  The names haven't been changed cause I don't care what happens to them whiskey thieving ^&%$#$s what stole my Jim Beam.

            There was a boom hanging over the third floor to which we had attached a pulley.  The rope for the pulley had hooks on either ends with about ten feet of rope past the hooks.  We would load a 55 gallon drum with bricks (around 235 pounds), then pull it up to the third floor where two guys would pull the drum in sideways and take the bricks out.  While they were unloading we would load another drum up and when he let the empthy drum  down we would pull the full one back up.  

            Anyway, a pit bulldog  charged the four of us, bit old Cyrus McNab right where it really hurts while we had the drum nearly to the top.  The four of us let go and tried to run, but unfortunately my pants leg caught in the hook
.    
            That made  me (230 pounds) lighter than the full drum, so up I went and here come the drum down.   When I met that full drum comming down, it hit me in the right side and broke my right arm.   
            I was screaming for help and the boys were all hollering; old McNab because that pitbull had ahold of a very tender part of his body.
 
            I got to the top and my head hit the boom, giving me a severe concussion.  Well sir, when I hit the top, that full drum hit the bottom, spilling out half them bricks.

            That made me heavier than the drum so down I went and up comes the drum.   Wouldn't you know it.  It hit me in the left side and broke my leg and other arm.  I was going pretty fast when I hit the ground where all them bricks was scatterred.  One of them was standing on edge when I hit and it cut my face - 20 stitches.  When I hit the ground that last time the big old half full drum hit the boom and went sideways.  Here comes all them remaining bricks on top of me.

            Broke seven of my ribs and knocked my two front teeth out.  About that time old Clem Farquarth cut the rope loose from my leg and here come that empry drum, hit me on the head (thirty two stitches) and broke my other arm.

            And then that danged pitbull let go of Cyrus; come over there where I was laying on the ground, groaning and took a **** all over me.

            So that's why I ain't been on EP writing my stupid stuff.  

            And that's the truth, so help me Dasmuggler.

            Levin

levin60kitty levin60kitty
61-65
7 Responses Feb 15, 2009

fairy - congratulations - you are now eligible for the dirty minded EPers club.

Listen fairy - you know that I am a dirty old man. I want to test you and see how filthy your mind is. Okay, here goes.<br />
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What is round, hard, long, and wet and full of seamen?<br />
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Give up?<br />
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It's a submarine.<br />
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What's round and hard and sticks out of a man's pajamas so far you could hang a hat on it?<br />
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Give up?<br />
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His head.<br />
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Let me know how you did on the test. If you answered other than the answers I showed you can join the dirty minded EPers club.

I appreciate the comment fairy, but I haven't learned to type with that YET. Three arms? Keep that under your hat.

How can I type with two broken arms? It isn't very hard when you have half a bottle of booze under your belt. It doesn't lessen the pain but I give a **** about it. ha ha And the bottle of booze? I found the empty bottle in the back of McNab's 1963 Chevy pickup. It serves the @#@$% right that the pit bull tore him a new *&^%&

Holy SH*T dude I'd be pissed about the whiskey too!

I do not know what to say... <br />
except ouch... <br />
I can't imagine how hard it must be to type with two broken arms.<br />
Get well buddy... I'm sure commander pushky can wait until you are better

How are you typing with 2 broken arms?