The Ep Trio, Er Uh Quartet??? Anyone Seen the Script?

        The last time we left our superheroes they were after pills and the naked guy still hadn't found his clothes.  Sergeant Tim was passed out on the floor and the evil Pushky was laughing sadistically.  Klaatu and Glorp sat in the corner.
Klaatu -  " Bleep, honk, screech, giant going out of business sale at circuit city.  Hurry, all coupons are doubled until further notice,  Beep, honk . . . ."

Glorp -  "Can't you say anything except commercials, you stupid robot?"

Klaatu - (beating Glorp senseless)  ". . . this is Billy May telling you that if you order in the next ten minutes, we will double your offer.  Yes, two for the price of . . . ."

Commander Pushky (CP) -  "Ah, we have once again defeated the tricky trio, er uh quartet, er uh, give me the damned script.  Is naked guy supposed to be in this story or not?"

Glorp - (regaining conciousness)  "Yes, your supreme flatulence, look at page thirty two, right where the girls are running after the pills."

CP - "Why aren't I told about these things.  How in hell can I be a super-villain if you don't keep me informed about the script, Mr. Glorp?  Klaatu!"

Glorp - (cringing)  "Not again."  Klaatu proceeds to beat him senseless once again.

Meanwhile the trio are sitting against a tree outside, staring at the ground.

MooMouse (MM) - "I never noticed how green the grass is.  God, it is really green.  She brushes her hand over the grass."

Curiosity Kitten (CK) -  "I never noticed how pink your leotards were, . . ."

MM - "&*&^%$$#$%^^, I told that a** Hole that pink wasn't my color."

Dasmuggler (DS)  "Look, up in the sky, . . . ."

CK and MM -  (Disgusted sounding) "Right, its the naked guy, trying to land here."

DS -  "No, I think it's a giant asteroid plummeting toward the earth."

At that moment we hear a swish through the air.  We look to see a nude man flying toward the asteroid.

NudeinVA (NV)  "It's naked man, to save the day.  Tah dah, naked man will defeat the asteroid and the whole world will be grateful."

DS, MM, and CK -  "Who writes this crap anyway."

NV - (flying close to the asteroid)  "Why,. this isn't an asteroid.  It's a space alien ship, filled with Pushky clones hurtling towards earthe with another shipment of space alien chips."  (He lands on the ship's hull)

Pushky clone # 5478 (5478)- (Opening the hatch and peering out)  "Gross, its a naked man on the hull."

(6732) -  "Vaporize him!"

(9087) _  "I told you to recharge the vaporizing gun, you dolt."

(5478) -  "You were supposed to recharge it."

(6732) -  "I recharged last week."

A fight breaks out in the ship.  Naked man grabs the controls and steers the ship into the nearest mountain.

All 98723 alien clones - "The union steward didn't say anything about crashing into mountains."

Meanwhile, back at the Evil Alien Headquarters:

CP -  "Mr. Glorp, give me the status on the incoming ship with our chips."

Glorp -  "It is inbound sir, but there is a problem."

CP - (rolling his eyes) - "Do I have to call Klaatu again?"

Glorp -  (Thinking to himself that the robot, Klaatu can no longer harm him, since he took out his power pack.)  "No, your putridness, the diabolical naked guy has commandeered our ship and is guiding it into the mountains where he will crash it, killing all the clones and wrecking the shipment of space alien chips."

CK -  (hearing Sitar music)  "Whoa, do I ever have the munchies.  MM, do you have anything to eat?"

MM - "Wow, the sky is so blue."

DS - (Suffering from another attack of tourettes syndrome.)  "What $$#% %$%$^ )(*&* ^%^%$$$#$ %^^&&&^ &&^^&&& $#%&&* %^%%#$# &^%$$&&% &%#@#& *RE###  ****.  The asteroid has turned into a space ship and is heading directly for us. @$%#%^&*"

CK - "We will all die.  Hmmmm, some chocolate would be soooooooo goooooodd   right now."

MM - "The buildings here are soooo tall."

DS - *&*%$

NV - (Piloting the space ship.)   "Here comes naked man to save the day.  Although I might crash into the superheros and kill them.  Squashing all hope for mankind."

98723 aliens -  "We quit."

Glorp - (Vaporizing CP)  "Take that, you WEIRDO."

Sergeant Tim -  (Waking from his drunken stupor.)  "Anyone have a drink?"

CP  (Dying an agonziing death.)  "Ahhhhh, I'm melting.  What a world, what a world."

Glorp - "You idiot, that's the script for the wizard of Oz."

Cut to a small office in the backwoods of HogSqueal Alabama where Levin falls off his chair in another drunken haze.

"This is stupid.  I am going to tie this whole story up and never write about it again.  (He pours another drink)  Okay, here goes, , , ,"

Then a star rose in the east.  The volcanoe erupted,  Dinosaurs roamed the earth.  Darth Vader killed Luke.  ObiWanKinobbe goes over to the dark side.  Everyone dies.  the end."

MM and CK - (Together)  "STUPID"
DS - #$$#@$
CP _ (Oh - he's dead)
Glorp - Anyone need a space alien assistant
Klaatu - (silence-he's dead, remember?)
NV _ Has anyone seen my pants?
ST - Lets go get drunk
98723 space clones - Yahhhhhhhhh

This is absolutely the end.  Levin looks out the window to see men in white coats sneaking toward him.  "Oh hell, it's the guys from the asylum, here to take me back.  Well, at least I will have the purple methadone tarantulas to talk to."

EP Mangement - "Is this clown for real?"

Levin - "Tip toe through the tulips.  Did you hear the one about . . . ."

CK and MM -  "STUPID"

DS -  @#$%#

Levin - "Hey, I already wrote that."

Men in white coats -  "Give him a shot of thorazine."

Levin  "Tip ... toe... through  ,,,, zzzzzzzzzzzzz"

This is absolutely the end.


Purple methadone tarantulas -  "Hey, the idiot is back."

This is absolutely positively the end.  Does anyone have a drink?


Cast of characters:

Dasmuggler as himself

NudeinVA as himself

MooMouse as herself

CuriosityKitten as herself

The evil Pushky as the evil Pushky

Glorp and Klattu - they ain't real

Sergeant Tim was played by Levin

98723 space aliens were played by EP contributors.

EP management as themselvs.

Produced and directed by HogSqueal enterprizes

Filmed and written entirely on location somewhere in the cybersphere

No animals were harmed in the making of this stupid skit -- well, some may classify Levin as animal.

The names were changed to protect the gross.


MM - "Did you ever notice how white the background is on the computer?"
CK - "Mmmmmmmm, chocolate."
DS - &*^%$#$%
NV - How often should I wash my underwear
ST - (Farts and burps)
EP Mgmt - Okay, he's out of here.  Delete him.
CP - . . . and then the atheists kill the three year old girl . . .
Glorp - Anyone know the number to unemployement?
Klaatu (I told you he was dead)


levin60kitty levin60kitty
1 Response Feb 17, 2009

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You are just too funny Levin. This was a wonderful story in installments and I for one enjoyed the hell out of it. Thank yo for all your wonderfulness and humor!<br />
<br />
Kudos to you in the nth degree!