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Tired of My Husband!

I am tired of my husband! I don't love him and never did! I don't know what to do about it. He says he will do something stupid if I leave. I am getting to the point of no return. I hate to have sex with him. I long for someone to love and someone that I am attracted to also. Each day that goes by feels like I'm never going to have a happy life. I just don't know what to do.

celestialangel celestialangel 46-50, F 18 Responses Aug 18, 2008

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Hi there,

I know this post is old and wonder what happend to you? Did you leave your husband? I feel I m in the same boat and don't know what I will do!

I understand how you feel Celestialangel. Please do yourself and your daughter a favour and leave. Maybe you want to get independent first, financialy stable so that your are able to support yourself. Try as much as you can to occupy yourself with whatever brings you happiness. You must show your daughter that life is wonderful. Be the example that she will follow when she is older. Don't show her that marriage is as such. Marriage is wonderful if the couple are living in harmony and sharing love and affection. Good luck!

Praying you have the strength to break away from your controling husband and have a life. The suicide card is just another form of control he is using on you, and it's sounds to me you have really tried to make things work. It sounds that he has killed what love you had for him, so wishing you well, as you seek a new life without him.

Leave. Both he and you deserve better.

No because things aren't going to change.

So, are you gonna stay with him?

He was persistent, so I gave it a chance. Sometimes people grow to love one another.

'some feelings', doesn't sound like 'I loved him enough to marry him'.. so why did you?

In the beginning I had some feelings for him, but as time went by his true side came out. He is a control freak and can be a real *****. He constantly belittles me. I can't do anything right in his eyes. We have been married for 14 years. Instead of things getting better, they are getting worse. Nobody can understand my situation unless they have been there.

Divorce him.. now. What he does when you leave is not your buisness.. but you're quite cold to marry someone you don't love.. I'm not surprised he's freaking. You shouln't act like you have feelings for someone. Don't teach your daughter to make the same dreadful mistake.

Shame on him for using guilt to keep you in an unhappy relationship. That is not healthy. It is my belief that no one can really stop another if they decide to take their own life. I also believe that those that threaten rarely do. Either way, it would not be your fault. A marriage breakup is an awful thing, but staying in an unhappy marriage is worse.

Thank you for your advice. I have one child, she is thirteen.

From your note seems there are no kids involved. But If you have thought it out completely and are sure no way to grow to love the relationship you should slowly move away from the situation. start making new friends and doing things on your own. Go to school, join outside groups, start spending more and more time with friends outside eventually gaining your independence from him. When you finally make the move having other thing in your life your familiar with and your friends will help you . Good Luck

WOW! To the point!

Thank you so much for your wonderful advice! Yes he threatens to kill himself!

If you are truly unhappy, and feel beyond marital counseling, then make plans to protect yourself and leave him.<br />
Get some counsel about how to protect your assets,credit rating, personal records like your birth cert., etc.<br />
If when you say he will "do something stupid" what does that mean? If it means suicide, well, let him. You can't control other people's behavior and you are not responsible for it. Besides, it sounds like just another control/manipulation technique to me.<br />
What's the option? Stay and be miserable until you die? Yeah. That sounds like a good choice, NOT.

Why the hell did you marry him if you never loved him. I dont get it!

Do as you feel is necessary. Take a more existential approach to life and live it fully.