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You Bet It Is

Never underestimate the physical, emotional  and mental pain of loneliness.It kills people.The elderly give up  slowly but surely. They've  lost their partners,sit in homes, wait for a visitor till that hope has  gone to the wayside as well.
I have a soft spot in my heart for lonely people of any age. It's like, every muscle is sore, every step is forced on a terrible day. Life seems to hurt and nothing helps. I can only hope we don't have this depressing lifestyle. Be there a bit for those who do. Not just at Christmas, no no..  but all year. I've been in that situation and out of it.     Loneliness is a heart breaker.
wiseowl wiseowl 61-65, F 19 Responses Dec 14, 2011

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At my old apartment I had an elderly neighbour there who literally had no one except me when I would pop in and visit now and then as I didn't want anyone to think I was interfering.He is 80 years old and his health has declined over the past few years and one day I had realised that I hadn't seen him around the place for ages so I had knocked on the door to see how things were and I had been horrified by how much he had declined so I had given him some soup and had warmed it up on the stove for him and I had rung the emergency doctors up and I had demanded that they give him a home visit as he had been made to wait 3 weeks for a doctors appointment and I had felt he needed to be seen sooner than that. He did get the emergency doctor come round and they had written out a prescription which I had collected for him on the way home from work and had given the package to him.Then I found out that they were planning to have me evicted and I suspected he was going to be as well and they had been full of rubbish promising him a 1 bed flat and I had thought to myself where does an 80 year old get a pay rise from for one of those?Then a 1 bed flat had become vacant on the ground floor where we were and he had been promised the flat and I was furious when I found out it had been snatched away from him at the last minute to another waiting tenant so I had rung social services and had demanded they visit and had called myself a concerned neighbour so no one would think I was interfering!They had tried to obstruct me from moving from there but I was having none of it and had persevered in getting a new place because I was sick of their attitude especially to an 80 year old who cant stand up for themselves.I had handed in 4 weeks notice as requested by law to tell them I was leaving and had been ready to have gone shopping and the phone had rang and it was them claiming an apartment with them had become free and had I signed any contracts so I had told them sorry its too late as I signed for my current place a few days ago and I personally think the offer of that place for me was lies to keep me there paying them rent and that it didn't exist. Its one thing trying to manipulate me as I can stand up to them but to treat an 80 year old like that who has very little is bloody disgusting!When I left the place I did stand up to them after they had called me at the new house asking had I moved out yet and I had got really cross and had shouted down the phone and hadn't quite slammed it down on them!I think its cowardly to bully an 80 year old who cant stand up for themselves and also to bully a woman who gave them a shock by standing up to them!The neighbour at the old house is representative of how life is bloody unfair and how there are no guarantees in life for anyone.

Thank you for being so caring and trying to help this helpless man,we need more people like you on this earth,sadly too many people "mind their own business" and would not do anything for someone who was not "family".And some councils are truly becoming heartless towards the homeless as I recently saw on Facebook.

He did thank me for everything I had done for him when I told him I was leaving there and he wasn't surprised when I said and had been disgusted when I told him about the carry on over being obstructed jn getting a new place for no good reason and had said how me getting obstructed was disgusting!

In all fairness social services seemed very nice when they called as I had let them in and had told them I was worried about the chap getting evicted and how I was worried about who would keep an eye out after I had moved and they said I was wise to move!

Lets hope social services keep an eye on him,you could always visit him occasionally to make him feel less lonely, you do not have to be "family" to do that.

Christmas is the loneliest time of the year for lonely people when the lack of family is most acutely felt as we are bombarded with adds of happy families on TV and we can certainly see them in shopping malls getting what is needed for the festivities,at least in some countries people do open their doors at Christmas,in the country where I live it seems to be restricted to family and close friends only,it certainly would be a faux pas if you were to knock on someone's door at Christmas.Yes, loneliness can kill slowly but surely,could not agree more!

Everything you said is so exact and sensitive. Thank you.Made me stop to read your post twice.

It always feels worse when you are having problems just because its Christmas and it feels everyone else is enjoying themselves and you are the only one miserable.

Thank you downspiral..I could feel you emotions..well said .

You've expressed my feelings so well.

Man Oh man Robert.You're gonna love my Christmas cookies.That's a promise! Good eats my friend, good cookin.

I will be right there beside you my friend in spirit, I want to get a good wiff of the fresh baked cookie's too. : ) My best to you my dear friend.

Thanks Babs..I'll be here with a smile and some jingle bells ta boot. I'll bring the cookies to the party.

I like your post Shep..those lyrics say it all.

I think even a young person who has people all around can feel lonely. One has to work at not feeling lonely. Giving to others is one of the best ways to help with your own loneliness.<br />
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Old people have a much harder time fighting loneliness. They are isolated and captive in their bleak existence. I've always had a passion for the elderly because of this. No one said it better than John Prine in his song "Hello in There":<br />
<br />
You know, old trees just grow stronger,<br />
<br />
And rivers grow wilder every day,<br />
<br />
But old people just grow lonesome,<br />
<br />
Waiting for someone to say,<br />
<br />
"Hello in there".

should be Oak trees just grow older! Thanks Owlie!

Lonely is when you feel different and cut off from the people around you.

Good point sciguy18 and TL..solitude and loneliness aren't the same at all. I like solitude .No person wants to be forgotten or assumed they're 'ok'.Home alone but ok. Not good enough. I assumed the same thing about my parents when I was a young woman. We may have to grow into being more thoughtful.Everyone is different. Last winter an elderly man(92) was found dead, frozen in his home.His heat turned off because he couldn't get out to pay the bill. I wondered why he didn't call the utility Co. or why this or that.He was just too old to take care of himself. .Why didn't the next door neighbor ever go over to see if he needed groceries? I would have. It was after one of the blizzards.That's tragic.

You're so right wisey. I've often wondered just how lonely I would be without my husband who gave me my children. For my children who gave me my grandchildren. How sad and lonely I would be without them. Happy that you got out of your lonliness...:-)

So true Destry.We all take much for granted.Hearing about those who have NOTHING or so alone they want to die . All ages suffer, despaired, needing everything ..including human contact. Makes me snap out of myself and give something back. Everything given matters.I will try to do better instead of thinking of just me..yea!

I can relate - both personally and ba<x>sed on my observations. Solitude is one thing, but loneliness is completely different.<br />
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I agree about the elderly. I've seen it myself while visiting a nursing home. These poor people with no one to visit them. Heartbreaking.<br />
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Reminds me of that song by America - Lonely People.

I'll be here on Christmas day and keep ya company.Actually, EP is fairly busy on Holidays.. we get out the food and munch .It'll be OK.Lots of people stay home alone but a friendly group, movies and junk food makes it better.

I'm feeling very lonely right now because I need someone to talk to right now but there is no one that i turn to. Normally I don't think about lonely often because I'm just trying to keep myself busy so that i can temporarily forget about it. However, I hate it when Christmas, or birthday or any special events come because that's when I have to really accept the fact that i am alone.

I know that feeling. I felt this way mentally and physically after I divorced my husband and sometimes I still feel this way. The world just seemed that much easier when someone was around wanting to know how my day was. Since then, I have had to do different things to keep my spirits up. I may not have romantic love but I know I am loved by family and friends and that helps to feel some of my lonely void. I have had one romantic relationship since I divorced my husband and it was at a time I was least expecting to meet someone. I had finally become comfortable and happy with my single life, I was being social and it didn't bother me to be around other couples while I was single. Then I met him. I think my point is that being single can be depressing especially if you have been used to having someone else in your life. But you can also look at it as a challenge and make something good out of it. Love yourself and it just may attract others into your life.

Amen to that

Thank you you said in a previous story ..a phone call can make a lonely person feel wanted and at least considered.Sad isn't it?

Well said Miss Owlie. My heart goes out to those forgotton one's. My Best.