Feeling MelancholyI'm kind of having a "day".
There's been a great deal happen in my life recently and it's been rather filled with ups and downs. Which is not at all abnormal, who's life isn't? What is abnormal however, is my seeming inability to quickly rebound from the lows as I normally would. They seem to be lingering, holding on, sometimes crushing the breath out of me.
I'm really tired today, worn out emotionally and exhausted from sleeplessness. So I took the day "off" so to speak. I've been taking it easy around the house, doing nothing really, just being lazy. While being lazy I've been listening to the playlist I posted awhile ago, created for me by a very dear friend. I love the list, I love the music he chose, it's very me and always speaks to me in someway. Today though I was especially struck by one particular song.
I sometimes struggle with loneliness, I wrote a "poem" about it on here quite some time ago, but for the most part I'm good. My life is rather blessed, and I have an amazing circle of friends - both on EP and in real life. Sometimes though, sometimes it's hard and sometimes I especially miss certain people, special friends and loved ones. When this song came on today that feeling hit me, hard.
I was in the middle of making some food and my hands started to shake, the tears began streaming down my face and I couldn't stand anymore. I collapsed to the floor and cried, for a long time. Thinking about people (especially one friend), remembering them, missing them, wondering about them and wishing ... for things, things I can't have. Things that it does no good to dwell on, things I can normally be rational about. In this moment though, none of my rationalizations mattered. I was overwhelmed.
I don't even know why I'm sharing this, or the song. Other than it's beautiful and it touched me today, and I think it will touch some of you as well. I don't want to share sadness, normally I wouldn't. Today though, today I am having a "day".
By Tony Lucca
I watch the sunset, while you watch it rise.
Flame colored teardrops burning my eyes.
While you find another day, thousands of miles away.
One more night finds me alone, holding on
To the simple and sweetest thought of you-
It’s you, it’s you.
I’ll out dance the ocean, parade in the sand.
Waiting for you, I’ll wait like no other man.
For you to come into me, lay skin to skin with me.
Making me smile and smile-it’s been a while.
Still, making my memories come true.
It’s you, it’s you.
I told her all my thoughts on loneliness.
Shared with her all my fears of afraid.
Maybe there’s no point trying to paint the picture,
Wondering what if she could’ve stayed.
So don’t send me no letters, I won’t drop you no line.
Things will get better, baby in due time.
Just keep me in your prayer and I’ll keep you right here-
Deep in this heart of mine, cause I find,
The only thing that helps me make it through
Is you, it’s you.
I've attached the best quality video I could find, but you really need to get and listen to the official copy of the song. It's hauntingly beautiful.
Hongruilin 31-35, F 11 Responses 4 Feb 4, 2013