Friendship Over Desire...

Or the desire for friendship.
I'm one of those who cherishes friendship -or a good intellectual relationship- above the desire to have sex with a woman. Even when I would seriously desire the woman in question.
I also have a few (two, to be exact) pretty close woman friends with whom I shared a more -shall we say- intimate encounter before we both realized it was the wrong move.
I think openness has a lot to do with it. Sitting on the same wavelength also.
Feeling comfortable with that other person so there's no shame involved afterwards.
But usually, I don't let it get that far. And the desire, should it be there, isn't something I need to controll either. It's not because I like a woman i want to molest her.
But I have a lot of woman friends. More so than male, actually. I like women better. To talk to. Most of the women I know seem to be of a higher intellectual order than the male ones.
So, in the end, I don't "think" men and women can be 'just' friends.
I'm SURE about it.
jimmyrudyjump jimmyrudyjump
56-60, M
19 Responses Feb 20, 2011

Hmm I used to have several female friends when I was younger (around 17-19). I was more interested in dancing than anything else and making friends.<br />
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I think im really the kind of guy that gets a lot of inner support from being in a relationship with someone, and when im in a relationship, I dont really look to make other friendships.<br />
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When im not in a relationship then I think im viewing every female as a potential girlfiend rather than a friend.<br />
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I always told myself that I couldnt be friends with a girl but I hope that's not true and reading this story and the comments I think I will try to work on that.

OH LOL oh poor piglet.

this is a wonderful theory.<br />
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I can play this game provided a few things are not prevailing. <br />
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No alcohol<br />
she must not be so close that she is blowing pheromones up my nose. I am "too much animal" to resist this.<br />
She must not whisper "sweet nothings" in my ear<br />
<br />
hehehheeeeee<br />

Sure males n females can just b why i put no in the box that asks f or m??

Thank you smooches... I appreciate you dropping by : )

bliss, I had to laugh when I read your post because I have a good friend and her ex and whenever they're between relationships they get together. It works beautifully for them. They can't live together but they do great as part time buddies with some benefits. I guess different folks have different ways that work.. I think if it's great! :)

Sure womaninbliss... that happened to me also... a lot has to do with the level of comfort you have when together, be it as a friend or as lovers... When the level is high and there's been no hick-ups in the relationship other than the mutual acknowledgement of not being in love/fitting together, then there's no problems staying good friends...

I've had male friends with whom I've had sexual relationships and then when that cooled, went back to being friends again, including my ex-husband. I don't think I'd want to switch back to the sexual with any of them ... but having been there with them before it really hasn't been a problem.

Yes, I know what you mean, 2xRocks Venus and Sierra... I think that in some cases it is better to have a woman as a friend instead of as a lover, because being lovers brings with it new "rules" and a different set of responsabilities.<br />
I used to go out with 4 women, as a little club, just to have fun. I "went with" one of them after a while, but it broke up the little circle we had because another girl (whom I went with later) had hoped she would have been my choice.<br />
So this girl got jealous and the other two felt left out too because two girls were now devoting more attention to me than on their friends and it all collapsed into small catfights and all round unpleasant feelings towards each other.<br />
Breaking up with the first girl didn't change anything, because the peaceful magic between the girls was gone... : (<br />
I was in my early twens then, but I learned a lesson there:<br />
to keep my hands to myself when there's a good friendship going : )

Jimmy, I just want to stand up and give you a big old standing ovation for this and another one for all the folks who replied and agreed. I have just as many men friends as women. I get along with both sexes just fine. It's a question of "control" and good old, common sense, to not sleep with, or try to sleep with every available body that comes along.<br />
A close, personal friendship, that can last a lifetime, is worth a lot more than a few hours in the sheets!! It's all choices. We decide who, when and where we'll sleep with someone. It doesn't always have to happen, two people decide to let it happen. The rest of us go on to create close personal friends.

I find it interesting reading the way men think. I have had a few of those powerful instant connection moments with someone, where given a chance it could have got very exciting. But my brain always takes over. I find myself thinking the long-range view. Sounds like it can be this way with men too, but it takes more effort.

Yes. Fantasy can be a lot more exciting than reality. I am still friends with some women I was quite attracted to when younger - but now I see them a bit further on - and think 'glad I didn't go there!'<br />
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Isshe is wondering whether I might have thought the same about her? Possibly - but I think in the last 19 years she might have swayed my thinking a little.

Yes womaninbliss... when really comfortable with one another, the little flirty moments can be quite a delight too... because the thought of what might be holds many more promises sometimes than acting on the desire... : )

I think so too jimmy. It is natural for there to be an attraction of course, if the chemistry is there it's hard to deny it ... but it can often make a male-female friendship even more fun if there is a frisson of excitement and a bit of a tease to go along with it. Either way it's fine. I think a relaxed attitude is important and not to be too uptight about it.

A very nice story to illustrate your point, Mahal... and I couldn't agree with you more *hugs*

That you're the same as me but the other way round?

Should have spoke in the past tense. Security and concert promotor world has lots of those I described.<br />
Not all of those are arrogant machos, mind. Is a bit of a stereotype...

Hmmm...I guess that they don't think along the same lines! Jimmy, wotcha doin' hanging out with them blokes?<br />
<br />
Jimmy, meet xRocks...xRocks, meet Jimmy.

Probably not.<br />
I usually encounter guys who wear open shirts with lots of specially cultivated chesthair and big gold chains. Machos. Not my kind, béhbéh...

I wonder if males who think along the same lines as this would make good friends?