How To Change Myself?

            My boyfriend and I were talking about our previous relationship and he told me one point that made me think deeply about this situation. He told me his girlfriends were cheaters and liars. It’s almost impossible to find a good honest disinterested woman as all of them need something from men: their money, social status and other things that are the base of relationship for women from men’s point of view.

         From my opinion men create the certain conditions when we have to cheat and pretend. I remember the advice that was given to my favourite heroine Scarlet O’Hara by her uneducated nanny. “You would never catch a husband if you showed him you had brain”. Do you remember the situation when she extra needed money to pay tax for her patrimony? She got married in a few days hidden her brain and shown herself an empty-headed foolish? Yes, she cheated that man but nobody made him marry her.

         We live in the 21st century when women have “equal” rights with men (Actually it isn’t true as we work extra hard and get less salary). But it looks like times have not been changed a lot as men still expect us being silly.

         We should play the hidden-brain card if we want “to catch” a man. Actually I hate this word “to catch” as I always look at the man as an equal partner. But sometimes it seems to me they don’t want to accept us as people with brain.

        Then they complain that we cheat them. As for me I have never cheated men and maybe that’s why I have never been married. I always opened all my heart and soul trying to help them and protect from everything. I always forget about myself and think only about a man. They tell me I’m brilliant, nice kind etc and then they go. Where? Sometimes they find another woman who could pretend herself a weak helpless creature or they feel comfortable on their own.

          Actually my current relationship develops the same plan. I take care of my boyfriend and try to help. I can tell him everything and he doesn’t deny I have brains. He knows about all my problems … though he can sort none of them. Nevertheless I hope I’m going the right way as he seems a really good man.

          But sometimes I do really want a man takes some of my problems and tries to help. Maybe the price of it is to hide my brain. Do you think it’s a high price?...   

Carrie19 Carrie19
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 9, 2010

hello Carrie, it was a forgone conclution that woman checked a man's status such as his income and how he treated his mum and basically how he is with his friends. It is true that the staus quo is different now becaise the equality, well we can only hope that is true. But when it comes to the past relationships, it is wise to find out what kind fo pattern he or she has had. But do this befoere you make any commitments. wht your bf said about his past gfs may ring true to a point but any smart young lady knows that there is always two sides to a story and I would probley second guess going out with him if he is going to be bad mouthing the ones he dated in the past, look out you might be added to that list for no reason

I think that living a life where you have to hide part of who you really are is miserable. There is nothing bad about being smart. The men that are intimated by intelligence are the men that can not deal with or cope with a real relationship. A woman being smart or even smarter than a man doesn't mean he's going to be insulted, humiliated, or even shown up to be inferior. What is important in a relationship is compassion and understanding. Not IQ. Never give up what you are just to have a male companion. I hope your boyfriend shows you that not all men want a foolish girl to take care of and save all the time like an empty headed but pretty princess in a castle. None of us really want to feel that way. Though some men do send out that signal that it's what they want. It's not what I'm going to give them though. That would be very very unhappy.

Thanks for advice, Skrewdup. My strong opinion has always been the same as yours. Actually I think that the main part of relationship is understanding another person and it’s impossible when people don’t have the same intellectual level. I have almost given up finding a right man. Some men looked at me as a Barbie-doll without feelings and thoughts. Other men appreciated me as their friend. It’s so hard to find a man of the same ilk.

dont hide it show it if it makes a man run he was not the one for u there are men out there that wants a women with a brain for me if a women cant hold her end of a coversasion i dont get involved so dont change and if he cant give u what u need move on its better to be ur self than to pretend u are some thing that u are not i think the price is to high