My Thoughts On It

Requested by Mahal1023

Many would say my childhood was a bit unusual. It wasn’t until I was older and my parents were no longer together that I looked back and realized that my younger years that I cherish so much are quite different than most grew up in.  


When my mother was married to my step-father, her second husband, they had an open marriage. Of course, at that young age, I didn’t quite understand that concept. All I knew was that what I grew up in seemed normal to me. I remember seeing my father being quite close to another woman and my mother the same, but since I didn’t know different, it was normal. Just like walking around naked in my home was normal. Then there was the spiritual stuff my father taught me, it was normal to me as well.


When my mother split from my step-father she was never monogamous with anyone until she met her 4th husband. They have been so for several years now. My step-father who I grew up knowing as my father never turned to monogamy. Every relationship he had after my mother was open. He had great admiration and respect for women, but never chose to have those boundaries in any relationship.


So, in my younger years, before getting with my husband, very few of the people that I was with, were monogamous relationships. If I did choose such a thing, we would just end up cheating on each other.


When I married my husband the first time, my father actually warned me. He said that I wasn’t going to be happy. He warned me that choosing such a life would be trapping myself and that I would end up being miserable. He was right, but I never contributed it to monogamy. He was just a bad husband.


Then I married someone else and had an open marriage. Those aspects were great. It was due to other things that we are no longer together.


Since then, I have tried monogamy in many relationships, including my current marriage to my first husband. Every time, including now, I end up feeling trapped and unhappy with the person.


I don’t have issues with jealousy and actually like the aspects of open marriages. The healthy open marriages that I have seen are wonderful. They seem to have great communication and love for each other.


I’ve come to realize that my father was right. Monogamy is not all that it is cracked up to be. Having a relationship with your best friend that is filled with healthy communication where you explore all aspects of life together in an honest way, just seems so much better to me.


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5 Responses Jun 17, 2012

My wife and I have begin to open our relationship, but we are committed to maintaining each other as our "primaries." We are committed to being open and honest about our feelings and desires and needs, and to never let the open relationship pull us apart. It has not been long but we both are much happier in this arrangement.

"They seem to have great communication and love for each other" That is the most important aspect of any relationhip and keeping it together. When you start having sex with other people it is usually because that statement no longer applies to the relationship

You don't think great communication and love for each other is the key to staying together in a relationship ??

I don't know about anything else. I've only ever been with one woman my entire life.<br />
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I often think about what it would be like to be with another woman, but so far, it's pretty cool knowing that we are each the only ones we've ever been with...

I'm all about monogamy for me. Hubs feels the same way. I feel I have excellent communication with my best friend who happens to be my only hubs and only lover. Not due to jealousy or insecurity but because we're just happier this way. In all fairness, I have seen some folks who thrive in open relationships too so it's all about finding what suits the individuals best... :)

I think that after years of belieing that a mongomous relationship is what i here i am...feeling that it might not be not sure exactly if i want an open marriage....or if i just do not think that marriage is even worth it anymore.... but i do know i feel stuck...<br />
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Thank you for sharing!

Now this concept has my attention