I Think More Parents Need to Tell Their Kids No

The Keys to a Happy Childhood

By: NoGodsNoMasters

Written on August 22nd, 2009

Having reasonable limits.
Be consistent. Don't be afraid of the word "NO" its a great word.
Having reasonably high expectations (They need something to live up to so they can be genuinely proud of themselves.)
Having a structured environment
Never doing for them what they can do for themselves
Natural consequences are the best punishments. (Wearing shorts during winter - for instance; dont let the kids burn themselves if it can be prevented.)
Lots of love and affection
If you want them to respect you; you must respect them too. They are people with boundaries and their boundaries need to be respected. (They dont get to make the rules or be the boss but they can have privacy when dressing, or have time alone if they are feeling upset, and the like.)
When assessing misbehavior, make sure you evaluate whether or not your child is tired, hungry, or overstimulated. When my kids are one of these, the consequences are less severe. If they are all three, its best that the consequence just be for them to go to bed (after they eat).
Keep an open line of communication. Talk about everything with them and talk about subjects that interest them. If they ask difficult questions; answer them honestly. If you eight year old asks questions about sex, answer them honestly and stick with scientific, matter-of-fact responses. (Worked great for me; I understand this may not work for everyone.) My son talks to me about everything. He doesn't go to his dad, step-dad, or grandparents with questions, he comes to me. I really enjoy having this open relationship with him. This will really benefit both of us as he enters his teens. The sooner you open up to you kids; the better.

By: NoGodsNoMasters

Age: 31-35 , Female

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9 responses

OnewithJC

Loved this, great post!

Feb 25, 2012
1 like
- NoGodsNoMasters
  Thank you. My kids are 11, 5, and 3 now. Preteens are SO MOODY!!! Each stage has its own challenge. You really just exchange one challenge for another. At this point, I have come to the conclusion that I have three primary jobs. 1. Protect them from themselves (keep them alive until adulthood). 2. Provide them with the best education I can. 3. Ensure they are prepared for getting their *** kicked by the real world so they can pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and be successful. Lets face it, no matter how hard our parents try to "prepare" us for the world, it still knocks us down at some point.
  
  Feb 26, 2012
  1 like
- OnewithJC
  I hear you and pray nothing but good, love, peace, and joy surround you and your whole family's life. It is difficult but when we have parents, like you, that love their children they love so completely, we find a way through all the craziness in the world. Thank you for sharing this! :)
  
  Feb 27, 2012
  1 like
naranja

don't let them burn themselves? That doesn't sound like something bad at all; who'd want to burn themselves? I have the impression I'm reading that one wrong. :o

Mar 15, 2010
1 like
NoGodsNoMasters

I have my bad days, my daughter is 9 months old. She just started this banshee scream that is so loud and high pitched it can break any glass within a 1/2 mile radius - or at least it should. Well, she was having a great time doing that scream in my left ear while I was trying to help my toddler on the potty in between she was pulling my hair. I wanted to scream. My eye was starting to twitch. So I chased down the hubby and passed off the baby. Helped the pottying child and went to my room for a few minutes. My ear is STILL ringing!

DietIcedTea - Thank you. You dont sound corny at all. Honestly, there are very few kids besides my own that I like too because of the same reason. I have to tolerance for brats.

I dont force my kids to eat. The deal there is I decide WHAT we eat they decide HOW MUCH they are going to eat of what is served. I always try to put out several things and no one has yet to go hungry. That is just a power struggle that they will always win. Lets face it - you cannot force food down their throats. (and still be a good parent.)

I am big about choosing my battles. If one kid wants cherrios for breakfast and the other kid wants toast. I will accommodate both. If the kids are fighting over a toy - the toy is now mine and no one plays with it for the rest of the day. (If they can't solve their problems; I will solve them. However, they may not like my resolution. I LOVE that rule and even my two year old can recite it.)

Aug 23, 2009
1 like
kittykat1234

Everything you listed here is great. I have had open communication with my 21yr. old, 15yr. old, and 7yr. old always. If they have a question I answer it honestly, and tell them to come to me if they want answers so they don't get misinformed by friends. Sometimes the truth is ugly but why mislead your kids. My 15 yr. old son tells me just about anything and same with my daughter who is now having a little girl of her own. I do not hit my kids because I believe you lose the communication. If they are mad and want to rant and rave I let them get the emotions out, and once it has taken it's course then they eventually come around again. My 7yr. old son is a bright little guy, some of the questions he asks make me wonder if he is a 7yr. old or really 40. He must be an old soul because he has wisdom even for such a little man. I don't force my kids to eat, I hate when I see people do that. I didn't start liking vegies until I was in my twenties, if they don't like it i substitute with something else that is more appitising for them. I like the way you raise your kids, I wish more people would be so in tune with thier kids.

Aug 23, 2009
2 likes
DietIcedTea

We need more parents like you, GM. Too many are letting their kids get away with (or do) anything and not teaching them any manners what so ever. I'm not a huge fan of children in general. I try to stay away from them as much as possible. But I have no problems being around and playing with kids who are well mannered and respectful. Unfortunately, there aren't many that fit that list around me. I would bet that if I met you and your kids in person, I'm sure yours would be on that list. I hope that didn't sound too corny. But like I said, there aren't too many parents out there like you.

Aug 22, 2009
2 likes
NoGodsNoMasters

Ahh, thank you! ;-)

Aug 22, 2009
1 like
Michellewhois

Great rules to live by from a great Mother.

Aug 22, 2009
1 like

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