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Oh Yeah!!!!

The other day I went with my foster kids (age two and three) to a play centre with my friend and her "spirited" as she likes to say, two year old. Afterwards we went to Mcdonalds for lunch. The whole of the time at the play centre her daughter was throwing tantrums because she wanted all of the toys and would not share with any of the other kids. My friend was running around after her continuously and then got into an argument with another mother because her daughter bit the other woman's child. During the meal she refused to sit at the table and when she did, she didn't eat anything, just poked her burger and mashed it in her hand. My friend then gave her cake when she wasn't eating it.

My foster kids all know that they share their toys or they don't get to play. If they are naughty, they get a time out. At meal times, they sit at the table, use manners to the best of their ability and they make an effort to eat their food. They do this or the food is taken away and they go hungry. It didn't take them long to learn these boundaries. I don't think this is cruel because they have a choice whether to behave or not, if they choose not to behave they have to live with the consequences.

After this play date, my friend asked me what I did to make my foster kids so well behaved and when I told her she seemed really shocked that I was "so strict" with them. She said she didn't believe in being that hard on her daughter because she is only two and she didn't want her to grow up without any confidence.

I feel that discipline is something kids need in the same way as love. They need guidance and it is our job to teach them acceptable behaviour. I think there is too much of this new political correctness in raising kids. Generations have tuned out fine getting told "no!" by mothers, so why are we worrying now? If you are not being abusive in discipline, your kids will be fine. I think more parents need to think about that.

RobertaSunset RobertaSunset 36-40, F 57 Responses Oct 7, 2009

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Funny you should say that, being an English program, we get a lot of supernanny on different channels. I think lots of her ways are very good and it shows you don't have to hit kids to teach them boundaries. I don't know if my friend watches it or not but I'm not about to suggest it cause I value or friendship too much, I think it might just be that she will have to learn the hard way...

Tell her to watch Supernanny on W Network

And badly behaved adults go on to raise badly behaved children, it's a vicious circle that just goes on and on.

Too bad more people don't think like you Robbo. We'd have a better world with less selfish, self centered, badly behaved adults if they did. Frequently a badly behaved adlut was a poorly disciplined child.

Montarlot, you are straight to the point and absolutely correct. If you don't say no to a child when their behaviour is not acceptable you are telling them lies. You are saying anything goes and life is always on your side. The real world is not like that. There are setbacks and disappointments and there are other people who need to be thought about. What would life be like if we all did exactly what we wanted all of the time with no consideration for others?

I think a parent needs to teach a child boundaries from a very young age, not to start when the child is 6, 7 or 8. They are formed by then through any bad habits they had learned and it may be too late to start imposing rules! I don't understand why people decide to become parents if they aren't willing to work at it. Parenting is hard work and an undisciplined parent will only result in bringing up an undiscplined child who, chances are, will not adapt well socially. I have seen too many parents today whereby the child is the parent and the parent is the child. They try to be "friends" with the child and cannot impose any rules as a result. The damage is done. If you can't be a good parent don't have kids. Our world is overpopulated as it is. What I'm saying is not politically correct but true.

Well I too am going to take cc5439's advice. I have stated my opinion and that is enough unless anyone else comments with new points.

well some kids are that way others aren't regardless of parenting <br />
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and at a party like that there were things to entertail him

thats NOT what i said <br />
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i know you can read so stop with the stupid <br />
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two year olds should only be expected to stay at the table until they have finished their food thats it <br />
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if they do more than that great <br />
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but expecting more is only going to exasperate the child <br />
and creating more work for yourselves

sleepless, robbo~it's a losing battle here. I would not bother trying to justify yourself to someone who is clearly very damaged and very angry. She seems unwilling to believe that discipline or boundaries can be imposed on toddlers without it being abusive, which is very sad. You both sound like wonderful care givers!! (not that you need my approval...).

i did not take this personally <br />
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i did not jump to any conclusion that was not a logical possibilty

tulick, you have taken this post very personally. I applaud your desire to defend child victims, but maybe you should consider being more open minded and not jumping to conclusions....just a thought. good luck to you.

here's a shoker for you <br />
<br />
I DON"T WANT KIDS GOD WILLING WILL NEVER HAVE ANY KNOW I DO NOT KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT TAKING CARE OF THEM AND THERFORE HAVE CHOSEN TO KEEP MY LEGS CLOSED <br />
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having said that i will say that i will defend kids today who are victims of the no discpline cultual backlash because i was one and i know what it feels like to be in their shoes <br />
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and i don't know what that daycare worker does to keep those kids sitting through meals oe you do to keep them in line- and i don't wanna know i can guess <br />
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but i will not sit silent as to later be a victim of one of these kids because thwy snapped dealing with one of you and the thousands like you <br />
<br />
troubled you call me- contact with people like you will do that

tulick: Judging by the avatar you have chosen, the aggressive nature of your comments on here and what you say in your profile: "tulick is a crazy ***** on a very short fuse and is feeling very enraged". It is clear you are an extremely troubled person.<br />
It is extremely lucky that you do not have children of your own yet. I hope and prey that when you do, you will also develop the maturity and attitude to cope with the responsibility, because if not, I fear that you will be forced to accept the assistance of social services and foster carers just like me.

i read the comments aparently you didn't read them or the ones by people who disagree with them as i do <br />
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i don't care how much training she or anyone has doesn't mean she's any good at it <br />
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dido with the daycare worker doing it for years who thinks 2 year olds on average can sit though a meal she's totally wrong no matter how many years she's been doing it

Tullick, you can think what you want, but it doesn't mean you're right.<br />
Robbo's kids are obviously happy and thriving little people. Did you not even read any of her comments ?

you can think what you want- but it doesn't mean your right <br />
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the sad thhing is by the time anyone figures out your wrong the damage will be done

The children in my care have grown in confidence and ability. They are happy, loving and really bright kids who bring a great deal of joy to my life. They are also included in many different social settings. I have had a very intensive, eleven month assessment from social services prior to becoming a foster carer and I have looked after many children. I am secure in the knowledge that I am doing my absolute best for them as I have not based any of my understanding of child development on watching "Oprah" I think it is best if we agree to disagree!

ok for those of you who are determinded to act stupid or pretend you can't read <br />
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i SAID the parent should START teaching sharing but NOT expect mastery of the skill<br />
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i SAID they sit that the table long enough to eat their food <br />
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i have NO problem with boundries and limitations but i do have a problem with UNREALISTIC expecations as i see in my freinds oldest it does nothing but exasperate kids <br />
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i also have a BIG problem with the author looking at this woman and her kid for one day and making such sweeping judgements offering NO help <br />
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you bring up doing what's best for your child well who's to say the woman wasn't doing that you also have to look at individual kids and their developmental level they may be 2 but they are at the lower end developmentally and not as evloved as somome elses kid <br />
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i also said only child vs. multiple child homes and that is likely the reason the kid behaved that way and the other was so well behaved because they have seen sharing modled as well as good and bad behavior and the results of each<br />
<br />
Bettey has it right and kids should not be subjected to a militeristic upbringing <br />
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all of what i said is even more important considering the author is dealing with foster children you HAVE to have REASONABLE expectations in this case expectations that take into account what they have already been through <br />
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otherwise they might as well be kept with their abusive neglectful parents because you are only inflicting more damage of a different kind

tulick...you sound very, very angry and bitter. I think that when you have your own child you will see that it is not all about what experts say or what someone else does with their own children. You will hopefully do what works for you and your child and try to raise a child that can successfully function as an adult. You keep attacking people that make statements about setting boundaries and limitations for young children and it seems that maybe you have not experienced this or seen this work in a positive way. A two year old is capable of sitting at a table to eat a meal for a short period of time while using basic manners. This really is NOT too much to ask. A 2 or 3 year old is capable of sharing; in fact, most share very well and willingly offer toys to playmates. If a parent waits until a kid is 5 or 6 to begin teaching basic manners and appropriate ways of socializing, they will have a terror on their hands and a much tougher job ahead of them. I wish you the best of luck.

i don't have kids but i was one as was impulsive <br />
<br />
my freind has a 2 year old a 4 year old and a 5 month old and i see what that kind of "dicipline" does to her oldest in 5 years he will have stopped listening and in 10 will have a drug problem <br />
<br />
so pardon me for thinking i have a tiny clue and just because i don't work in a daycrare or haven't crapped a kid out of my crotch doesn't mean my eyes and ears don't work nor does it mean my insticts are off <br />
<br />
i know i don't want my future tax dollars paying for therapy for my freinds kids or for the kids the author fosters because both of them rule with an iron fist <br />
<br />
nor do i want one of those well manner kids slitting my thoat robbing me at gun point or some other sh-t because what they are doing now causes the kid to snap at some point

Impulsive, Luckypickle, and Tulick....<br />
<br />
Do any of you have children? Have any of you ever worked with kids?<br />
Please answer this question.

you start teaching them at 2 they start learing to feed themselves use a fork you teach them <br />
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you start to teach sharing at 2 not expect masrtry of the skill

I think that Imp makes a good point..although as they get older you should enforce it..but they are only children once..let them enjoy it a bit.

what the hell? your expection from children at such a young age will earn you nothing but there resentment. it does nothing for them and will just further drive you away from them. i know this for a fact cuz my own mother did it to me. i think you need to have resonable expections of your children. resonable in that dont expect them to know there manners at the table or to share there toys.

not really

your thinking 4 year old not 2 year old <br />
<br />
my freinds little boy just tured 2 at his birthday party he had cake from one end of him to the other because he was let play in it once finished eating <br />
<br />
my freinds 4 year old is still a very active kid who doesn't still still very long <br />
<br />
i'm also basing this on the host of 2 year olds i've seen in public places w/ parents who were mindful of them and trying to teach them

they sit long enough to finish their food thats it

2 year olds don't share and your reaction to what apears to be an only child is the disterbing thing <br />
<br />
you expect 2 year olds to sit at the table until done eating and you expect to watch and notice when they are playing more than eating and remove the food so the kid doesn't throw it <br />
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THAT IS A RESONABLE EXPECTATION for the child's age if they go beyond that great <br />
<br />
you can START teaching sharing at age 2 and you anticipate that an only child who has never seen that modled is going to take a little longer to grasp the concept <br />
<br />
THAT IS A RESONABLE EXPECTATION <br />
<br />
the reason your 2 year old shares so well at this age is because he sees it at home with other kids or in daycare where ever but if the other child doesn't have any of that what do you expect <br />
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and instead of saying to the parent GENTALLY ways that they can start to teach sharing and such your looking down your nose at them <br />
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when the kid wouldn't sit down and was playing with the food instead of sugessting the child wasn't hungery and to pack up the food save it for later and do something else with the child while you and yours finished eating or whatever <br />
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you bash them as "bad" parents <br />
<br />
and you ARE too strict as you expect more out of your children than they can possibly give you which will lead to nothinng but trouble

Lilt: I am so much! :o) They are truly amazing and give me a reason to get up in the morning. I can't have my own children so to have such wonderful kids in your life is such a gift!