It Doesn't Feel Like My Boyfriend Loves Me Anymore.....

         My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years now and we have two amazing children together, Emilee, 4 and Ella 2 1/2 mo., they are my life. Lately I have felt as though my boyfriend doesnt love me anymore and just stays around for the girls.....At the beginning of our relationship I knew he loved me because he always made it a point to show me, no matter what we were doing or where we were but now he gets angry with me quickly and just storms off, speaks badly to me, hurts my feelings all the time, and I find myself crying nearly everyday.
       I have done literally everything I can for this man and I dont know what else I can do to try to earn his love. I have paid his rent and bills when he didnt have a job, stuck with him through addiction problems, purchased him nearly every material item he could ever want, loved him unconditionally, and been a good mother to his children. I take care of him in anyway possible and I feel like sometimes that I give all the love and get nothing in return. People in my life tell me just to chalk up a loss and go on with my life but I dont know what to do....I do love him very much but the feeling not being reciprocated kills me......what should I do?
emileeandellasmommy emileeandellasmommy
29 Responses Jul 15, 2010

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I just feel so low and sad I feel as if my heart is constantly being ripped out, I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and it just isn't the same. We used to have the best times, I was genuinely happy now I just cry everyday he doesn't have the same goals or views as me. He is always making me sad or angry and somehow always manages to make me feel as if its my fault in the end. He plays these mind games with me, intentionally I don't know, he will be awesome just enough to give me hope when we fight. I hold on to this thought that it will change, but it isn't. I'm so in love this is my first love the longest relationship I've been in I'm lost for words tho, I feel so sad and dark inside I just want to sit and frown I cry as I write this, please just give me some comments to think about....

I know how you feel ive been with mine for off and on for almost a year.he moved me in so we could be closer but the last few days he is acting not him he doesnt treat me like he used too he dont talk to me touch me tease me in good way like he used to.I am so inlove with this man its hurting not knowing whats going on

I know how u feel, I have been with my partner for 7 years we broke up for 6 weeks 9 months ago, he told me he wasn't in love with me anymore so I thought it was best to end it or take a break, even though I loved him and wanted him to come back he kept playing with my head saying he wasn't ready but still came around everyday from 3pm till 1am he said it was to see me and our daughter I felt like he wanted best of both worlds so gave him a time scale of 2 weeks to make his mind up, so he moved back in, thinks where great to start with but now it has gone straight back to what I was like b4, I feel like he doesn't love me anymore the way he speaks to me it's like he hates me I'm sick of feeling so down and alone, spoke to him about 3 weeks ago saying I wasn't happy and it was over, he made me feel like it was my fault and we. Both need to change, so it lasted about a week and has just went back to the same, I'm really thinking about breaking up with him , I do love him with all my heart but it's not worth feeling like this everyday

your a wonderful woman, you don't deserve to treated that way.

I know how you feel. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now and the other day he told me he doesn't think he loves me anymore and left it at that. He doesn't want to talk about it and the emotional torment is killing me, It takes all my willpower to stop myself from crying every hour.
I'm gonna end my relationship although I do still love him a lot, I can't go on like this but I'd advice you, to ask him to give you a straight answer on whether he loves you or not and then decide what the next step would be depending on his answer.

I know esactally how u feel Emily I'm in tears writing this I'm so low and depressed I've been with my bro friend for 7 years got two children I'm only 25 I feel so old I have no life i don't move he. Goes out weekends drinking comes bk Sunday from Friday he's cheated all kinds tells me am useless everyday I'm nothing fat ugly all kinds, clean this cook that I do love him he's my first love that's why I stay but I'm to the point now I'm so depressed crying everyday and I wonder why cos I know he doesn't even love me I do everything for him to

it is impossible to just let someone go when you have this much history with them, and especially because you are obviously in love with the guy.. what you can do is be confident in knowing that even though it seems like you have had a partner, you have been doing all of the emotional, physical, and financial work in the relationship meaning he is only an illusion of a partner, someone that helps you sleep at night and doesn't make you feel completely alone. You have been doing everything by yourself though! you have been taking care of 3 children now instead of 2. He is threatened by your ability and strength to be such an amazing person that by hurting your feelings and just walking out, he thinks that this will make you feel beaten down to the point where you don't feel good enough for anyone but him and therefore wont ever leave him. He is incredibly insecure and afraid of losing probably the best thing that ever happened to him, that he alters your thinking to be more like his, the end feeling results may be: Insecure, scared, distrust, anger, resentment. When you are with someone that hasn't grown into maturity yet, it is easy for them to blame all their problems on people they care about, they don't have the mature brain to fix their own problems so they expect you do it for them or to feel the exact same way as they do. Do not beat your self up about your relationship, you are obviously the mature one, and he really sounds like he needs to grow up. This does not mean that he doesn't love you though, in most cases people hurt and blame the ones they love the most, this isn't a good thing it is completely unhealthy and immature, but he just needs time to grow up. I say you should let him wander life on his own for a bit and while hes doing that you may begin to realize that life is so much easier without him, and he may realize life is so much harder without you. Learning to be independent is the best advice I could probably give you.

How are everyone's love lives going?? I hope all babies are growing healthy and well and that love is blossoming for everyone =)

kymiko: Thank you for the kind words and great advice~~We just got back together (AGAIN--my family thinks I'm insane!) After 6 months of separation and it is better for now, but I was happier apart.....If it weren't for the children, I would go on for sure but they are so happy that he is home and were so sad while he was sure is a tough situation but I pray every night that God will show me the way to go~~I wish you all the best and thank you again for the support =)


I empathise with you Emilee x the truth is that you can stay together or go separate ways and the thing that will change most is you at the end of it all, if you stay and keep feeling hurt you might start to get bitter and treat him how you have been treated, what good would that do? Leave him and become something new? Independent strong lonely frightful of the unknown? All these things you would feel and more. I was told to accept him or walk away that was the only advise I got and I stayed now I'm no more happier and I'm stronger but in ways I never wanted to be... "Sigh" My honest advice would be don't accept it! you are better than what they see! Make him aware of how he isn't showing you love and intamasy and caring in the way you need it. And do what is best for you too x if the kids wearnt there would you just accept it? Xxx love to all and you too Emilee x life isn't easy and they don't make it any easier for us x

October10---I am so sorry to hear about your problems =( It is so difficult being a mom to a newborn and I think that it is something that the daddies don't always understand, because we have it so much more than they do. It sounds like you do love each other though. It sounds kind of like my situation in that we do love each other very much but we also can bring out the worst in each other. It gets harder because my girls are old enough now to notice that he is not good to me. I have to do what is best for my girls and that has kind of made up my mind for me. I hope things work out for you and that life treats you kind from now on =) Take care of your little sweetie =) <3

I get wht ur sayin iv been with my boyfriend goin on 3 years in the begin he loved me nd while I was in skool always wnted to pik me up nd nvr wnted me to leave his sight like I was his whole world nd it was just me nd him well I tired to get pregnant nd it took me 2 years nd through my pregnancy he wasn't there always wanted to be with his friend nd nvr wnted to come home no matter how much I cried nd asked him to support me didn't wnt to be with me I did everything for him giving him everything nd not even like tht I always asked my self were I went rong but could figure it out so I thought tht wen are bby girl came out he would change for sure so I had here nd nothin he was still the same nvr wnted to get a job sens the day tht I gave birth to her I haven't slept right he sleep all night well I'm awake even though I had a c section nd struggle he didn't care slept all night while I stayed up nd she was the type of bby who slept all day nd was awake all night so my daughter is 1mth nd 2days nd nothin I jus dnt get it his friend have tht I dnt nd I'm on the verge of just leaving him of howw tired I am but I dnt for my daughter I'm tired of cryin nd being alone with no help from him ne one have advice for me I wnt this to wrk so bad cause I do love him iv no him sens he was in middle skool nd I always liked him nd we dated before but didn't wrk now he we are and falling apart I just wnt him to relize tht he has something good cause wen I'm gone he gonna miss me nd wish he wouldn't have taken advantage why do all men do tht they dnt no wht they got till it gone then wen u leave there begging for u to come bak just hope everything get better before it to late for us thnks for readin this any comments plez rite me bak

Oh my goodness! Thank made me shed in tears!!! That was beautiful!

Amazing x that's exactly what happened to me and I left him and it was the best thing. he did beg too but I stood strong as you should because he won't change sweetie and ones you give in to there begging he will go back to his bad habits. please you sound such an intelligent honest young woman be proud of what you have done for him and your relationship and do what is best for you and little girl xxx

I wonder how things are going with you October10??? I hope all is well!!

Im having the same problems too. Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 years and since i met him he has never done anything for me all but i do everything cook, clean, pay all the bills and buy him whatever he wants. But he doesnt appreciate anything he's never home, always talking down on me and never listens to anything i have to say. When i try to approach the situation he always says im crazy or i got a problem. He even told me he wishes i would die. Ive been wanting kids for a while now and i still havent gotten pregnant and he told me that its something wrong with my body i cant have kids. I really want out but dont know how to get out. My heart goes out to you and your children!!!

Queenvina-My heart goes out to you! I understand how difficult it is to have children involved in a relationship with difficulties, it is always in the back of your mind and that you want your children to have both parents. I feel the same way and I love my boyfriend so much, as it sounds that you do. I got to a breaking point because our oldest daughter is 6 now and she began to recognize that he was treating me badly and even began to cry for me because he would be so hateful to me. That was when I decided that I had to change this before they grew up thinking that men could treat them this way. I completely feel you on the marriage thing too. It is a girl's fantasy from such a young age and is so crushing when it doesn't go as planned. =( I am so sorry for all your troubles and I hope that things change and move in a better direction for you and those sweet little twins =) Best wishes to you!!! <3

Hatingmylovelife----I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I remember the same thing being the case in my relationship although he was paying none of the bills and I was paying everything and it was still all HIS things. From experience, it does sound that he may suffer from bipolar disorder of some type and chances are if he doesn't get some type of medical intervention, this will be your life. I have tried to get my boyfriend to go for the same thing for years, but he has still not done so. And I still have the same problems I did before. My heart breaks for you because I know how difficult it is so be on the yo-yo of some good days, and then many bad =( Best wishes to you and I hope things look up in your favor soon!!

I'm going throw the same problem I have been with my boyfriend 7 years I first got with him when I was 13 he is my first love I love him so much but I feel like he Dnt love me any more I Dnt no what to do he lives me with he always tells me he loves me but I feel he just sayin to make me feel better I wanna be with this boy for the rest of my live and have his kids but I feel like I can't carry on no more he calls me names he moans all the time at me he Dnt take me out but I do everything for him I buy he what he wants cook his dinner everything I just feel like I'm wasting my time I feel as I can't talk to him about stuff as he just goes into one I try talking to him but he Dnt rly seem to care .

I am going through this too. Although I'm starting to grow hatred for my boyfriend. We have been together for 3 years and lived together almost from day 1. We were fighting a lot and he asked me to move out of the house we rented together so I did (I didn't go easily I was pissed) and then he begged for me to move back home. Well now that I'm home he is a jerk. Plain and simple he talks down to me frequently tells me I need to move out of HIS house. It makes me mad when things are fine and happy its "our home" when he's mad it's HIS and he just doesn't care anymore. He look at me with disgust he sleeps on the couch but then he will tell me he loves me and wants a future and blah blah blah but then a few days pass and his bipolar self is back! Mood swings galore. I would rather be working than home with him. I don't know how to grow th courage to leave. The only thing holding me back is our dog we have together. He made it clear if I leave that I can kiss her goodbye. It breaks my heart because she is my child. I love her as though she is my baby. She's a boxer and has been with us our entire relationship and our lives revolve around her. I have no family around and my only friends are my coworkers. I need help!

Will I been reading and I always felt I was the only one going thur this I been with my man for 6yrs and I have twins boys I love this man with all my heart we been ups and downs and I'm starting to feel that he don't love me anymore. He never takes me out anymore he tells me he loves me by words but he don't show me like he use to.we been engaged for 5yrs and he just tells me he's my boyfriend.I still have my dress.and he doesn't even talk about getting carried anymore.what should I do?I'm getting older and I do want to get married one day and I really was hoping he was the one.

i know dont

I have the same problem, chesapeake2chic your advice is really good...I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, he says he loves all the time but most of the time I think he just say it to get what he wants, we have been through a lot (he cheated on me at the begining of the relationship with his ex) I broke up with him and although he tryed to win me back i refused. He tryed and tryed and two months later when I was over him (stoped crying, missing him, feeling sorry for myself..) we meet in the street.. he run after me and i showed him indiference he was desperate to win me back and he started doing anything I wanted ANYTHING. At the begging was fun, i didn't wanted him back but then I don't think I was really over him because I forgave him. Since then everything turned weird between us, day by day is like he takes me more for granted... i am a very loving person and i give myself compleatly... but when I have enough oh! I make sure he knows it and I tell him to break up but then he convinces me we shoud be toguether then he is nice for a bit... and here we ago again. The worst part is that he took a job in a different country and we are doing the Long distance relatioship for like 6 months and that adds a lot of pressure. We are very different and in a way I think we love each other because of that but then sometimes you just want someone who is more like you... so I am so confused... I know that this cannot go on forever, he hasn't even proposed and I do not feel loved with his actions, perhaps I am selfish but I want a man that will try everything to find a job in my city to be close to me, a man I do not need to remind of the important dates, a man who wants to spend time with me even if its only over the phone...I don't want a man to make me happy... I just want a man that is not trying everything to make me unhappy, a man that loves me back so I won't feel guilty of loving someone who is taking advantages of me. But I am still holding on to him why? In my case I think I am scared because I am 31 and I want a family and I am not sure I will ever find anyone else... I know it's so silly isn't it? because I know deep inside me is not true it is just going to be harder... I am going to try to think of me and what makes ME happy as it has been suggested in this forum and see what happens because I do not even know if I am in love with this guy anymore... I think I love him but I hate he is changed into an idiot and that he respects me less and less... To all of you with babies, I know this is even harder but I will reccomend you to meet other people go out more with friends, and ignore him more and if anything think always about what is best for your children because they deserve to live in a loving environment as much as you, and YOU even if alone can provide that to them. If your children have to see you crying and upset all the time then that's not healthy for them therefore you need to do something about that. I hope we all find our answers...nobody can give us that...only our heart know best...sometimes we are just to scared to listen to it...God bless you all

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and since day one we have fought. I always had feelings like this relationship wasn't the one for me, but I am still in it. We just recently had a beautiful baby girl and now more than ever he is ignoring me and disrespecting me. He called me a c**t 3 times in one hour today.<br />
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We used to argue and then make up with eachother minutes later, now it is days. Now he says he is "done with me" and I find myself googling relationship problem posts to see if I am truly not alone. <br />
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TOO GOOD TO LEAVE, TOO BAD TO STAY is what I think. I am caught in a circle. I don't want to leave because of my baby, but being in this relationship makes me feel like im a zombie just wasting away every day. <br />
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The name calling, the yelling, not helping around the house, not working, not helping with bills, arguing with my sister... " I hope he will change" I keep saying to myself. <br />
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Thank you all for the kind words! The support is greatly appreciated and things are finally looking up!! :) I really enjoyed all your words

Seems like he's a very very very lucky guy for having you..<br />
You know what, you're still lucky because you are not yet married to him, meaning you will not undergo "divorce" process which is a stressful thing I guess. YOU have the option.<br />
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You're a smart lady, you're the one who has a job, who knows how to balance family and career, who does not nag..... you're simply the woman every guy longs to be his wife.<br />
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Now, ask yourself, does your current bf really deserve you? I guess he could not even live without you, so why you let him dominate you? He should take care of you just the way you take care of him.<br />
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Don't worry much about the kids seeing their parents getting separated. It's much better that way than seeing every single day how their dad treats their mom..... Please do the move. You're a smart woman.

Me and my boyfriend have been going through the same thing, so I did it, I told him I'd had enough and walked. I expected him to chase, which he did for about a week. But all he really did was text me telling me he missed me, I at least expected him to come to my mothers (that was where I was having to stay in the mean time) and ask me to take him back. I ended up caving and telling him I missed HIM and I felt so weak and ashamed. At this low point he starts giving me the silent treatment saying he needs time to think himself now. So I waited, he came over when we arranged to meet and all was good for about 4-5 days. Then it felt like nothing had changed, he's still treating me with no respect and doesn't show me he loves me anymore. I feel so confused, I dont know what I did to change. I thought it was all me being upset with the relationship, that he wasnt the same man I fell in love with, but then he said I wasn't the same girl he fell for. That's mainly because when he met me I was confident and bubbly and guys tend to prefer that to someone who's whinging that they're not happy anymore. So yes, maybe I should walk. Maybe I should be that confident girl again (at least pretend). But I dont want to play games, you're supposed to be open in relationships and I dont even feel like I can do that anymore. I've experience unrequited love before and it took me so unbelievably long to get over it, because me (just like men) like the chase, the more they ignore me, the more I want them. Insecure I know, but what am I supposed to do? Women chasing men isn't romantic, it's bunny boiler-esque, and I'm no bunny boiler, I'm just heartbroken that after saying I would never let a man make me feel as bad as my first love did, it's happened again.

You can do nothing to earn his love. HE should be trying to earn YOURS since it doesn't seem like he deserves it. In fact, the more you do for him without him deserving or working for it or reciprocating, the less he'll respect you, and the worse he'll treat you, and the less he'll like himself, or respect himself. I've been there. He sounds really insecure.<br />
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You can turn it around though, if you want to, but it won't be easy. You'll need to change habits you've developed.<br />
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Step 1: stop doing anything for him. It doesn't mean breaking up - just stop doing anything for him. Anytime you catch yourself trying to please him - stop. Go do something else instead. Read to your child, or take your dog out. Call a friend or go shopping just for you. Do something YOU love for YOU instead - anything that makes you feel good - and do it immediately - every time you catch yourself trying to please him instead. Most of all, stop spending money on him - on anything for him - until he proves he's worth it. Just stop. Spend it on enjoying you instead. Take yourself and a gal-pal on a ski weekend or do something wild & fun without his involvement - at all. <br />
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Step 2: Start doing everything for *you*. Ignore him. He'll start making noise when your focus changes to making *YOU* feel good instead of trying to "earn" his love. He will sense the change, and it will be a harsh adjustment for him at first. Ignore this noise. Do for you. Ignore what makes him feel good. Get out there with your friends or on your own in the world doing what *you* love for you - what *you're passionate about - what lights you up and gets you excited about your life. If he's not into it, that's his problem - make him stay home. Leave him out of it. Get a life you'll *love* - with or without him... That's what will wake him up. <br />
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Most important: DO NOT ASK HIS PERMISSION TO DO THIS OR ANYTHING YOU MIGHT WANT TO EXPLORE OR FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT. DON'T INVITE HIM TO PARTICIPATE - DON'T EVEN TELL HIM... at first, until you're feeling that confidence and assertiveness again within yourself. The most attractive thing to men in women is confidence, after all. Nobody wants to be with somebody who'll accept a free-loader or leach. Men want to be with women who want only the *best* for themselves, and won't accept anything less.<br />
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Meanwhile, you get yourself a job that gives you confidence (if you don't already have one) and start doing the things *JUST FOR YOU* that you used to do before you met him. *HINT: that's the girl he was attracted to - the girl he fell for... Now, he's changed in reaction to your change - your change of focus to *YOUR Happiness* to *HIS love*. Trust me. Once your focus is back on *YOUR HAPPINESS, JOY, and PASSION* his focus will quickly change to *your happiness, joy, and passion". <br />
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Once you focus on making you happy, he will turn around fast, and start treating you better. But first, you need to gain some confidence, self-esteem, etc. That only comes from doing things that make you feel good - like advancing your education or career. If suddenly there's not enough $$$ in the bank to take care of him and *your needs*, then guess what - put you first. Your needs and your wants come first. You and your child. He is a big boy. He can fend for himself in this world. Don't take any whining from him. <br />
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I'm telling you: as soon as you start putting you first he will too. But you gotta practice, and you gotta think big. <br />
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Right now, you're whole sense of self-esteem is wrapped up in weather or not he acts loving towards you. That's sad. Plus, it puts him in a really uncomfortable position of having to be your everything. Nobody can be everything to somebody else, and it's unfair to keep demanding that - with your expectations, spoken or silent, that he should reciprocate. He already feels insecure enough - otherwise he'd never take advantage of you like he has. <br />
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If it works, though - you may end up feeling differently about him once your confidence is back. After all, what confident woman wants to be with a lowlife like that? Confident chicks can get any guy they want. They don't need any man's approval or affection to be happy. Real men don't need to take advantage of anyone. That's a lecherous disease he has if he's willing to do that. <br />
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Read: He's Just Not That Into You or It's Called A Break-Up Because It's Broken - both by Greg Beherendt. Also read Why Men Love *******. It sounds bad, but it's really more about being assertive, and standing up for what you want, quietly - and considering anything less than your own happiness unacceptable. Take charge of your own happiness, and he'll want to participate... but making your happiness his responsibility is unfair to him, and insulting to you. <br />
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Good men don't want to be with somebody desperate, and you're acting desperate. The minute you change how you're acting, things will turn around for you... you'll probably be attracting a lot more guys, too.<br />
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For me, it was dancing. I tried taking my bad boyfriend to a salsa class once with a bunch of other learners, all levels. I love dancing, and he knows it - and I'm great at it - I know that. People have told me all my life, and a few years before that relationship, I'd been a professional dancer (ballet, tap, jazz, hip-hop, etc ... not ********). <br />
<br />
Well, the whole night, I'd gotten all dressed up lookin' sexy for our special dance lesson date, and all this guy could do was put me down and step on my feet. He asked to leave early, and I never invited him dancing again - I was so embarrassed at how he'd treated me that night... but I kept going to those lessons. I didn't make a big deal of it. Sometimes I'd leave before he got home from work. I kept dancing, every week, it was my dance night (just like he had his "guys' night"), and I'd ditch him for that night. And he'd see me get all gussied up in my salsa dancing dresses and leave without him, and he got so jealous that I found something else more fun and fulfilling. He even started trying to get me to stay home - going so far as offering sex which we had all but stopped having... but I didn't fall for it. I kept dancing. It was fun. I met new friends, and felt fantastic every time I came home from a class. Eventually, I got invited to perform in a show with my salsa teachers. That's when I finally invited my guy to come - but instead of dancing with me - I invited him to sit in the audience and show his support for me - to see me do something I was passionate about... <br />
<br />
... Well, long story short, he showed up late, as usual... Actually, I was kind of shocked he showed at all. He hadn't exactly been coming through for me lately... I really didn't think he'd show. In fact, I'd invited other friends to the show so I wouldn't feel totally let down - friends I knew I could depend on... The boy showed up, and after he saw me grace that stage with my dance group and partners, he was tongue-tied. It revved up his attraction to me tenfold. All of a sudden, he wanted to buy me dinner and get me flowers... He even asked when our next show was because he wanted to bring his friends from work to show me off. <br />
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But something had changed inside me. It felt like it was too little, too late. I knew the romance wouldn't last with him past that flush of lustful attraction. I felt so embarrassed he'd made a scene walking in late during our show. I knew inside I could do better - for me - being alone would have felt better than somebody who'd treated me so badly, and taken full advantage of my love (and my money). <br />
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I just wasn't didn't want to put up with his stucky anymore. I finally dumped him (after the dinner and the flowers, of course - had to get something out of the deal). And it was for the best. I ended up meeting somebody who treats me the way I deserve to be treated - once I'd made a firm commitment to myself not to accept anything less. <br />
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Good luck, girl!

wow i have the same problem, but im on the verge of loosing the one i love. Really good advice!!

The same thing happened to me hun. I did everything for him, we had a baby i got him everything and treated him with all the love he cld ever ask for. <br />
But then when i had enough of it he started treating me like he loved me. <br />
The same thing happened with my next relationship. <br />
I treated him so good and then he started treating me bad. <br />
He doesn't try to treat you well because he doesn't have to. Think about it...he gets whatever he wants without working for it. Your a mom just like me....and what happens if we jst give our kids whatever they want? They walk all over us.<br />
Men like to chase....but if you do everything for him...there's nothing to chase. You need to show him that your strong and deserve to be loved...and that if he doesn't someone else will.<br />
Your making it too easy for him.<br />
Show him your as* and he'll come running to you... make him feel like he cld loose you if he doesn't improove.