I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

So I am in kind of a weird situation. I had to come home from living on my own at college because my mom got breast cancer and my parents couldn't afford for me to go to school there anymore. I started working at my summer job full time and ended up getting into a fun hook up situation with my boss. He is 18 years older than me but doesn't really act like it a lot of the time- or at least I thought that in the beginning. At first things weren't exclusive but then things got bad at my parents house and I just couldn't live with them anymore. I am in nursing school and they are both alcoholics. I couldn't study the way I needed to because I felt like I was almost babysitting sometimes and then they would ask me the same question a million times or just pick a fight. I was stressed enough with school that this on top of all that was too much- so I moved out. My boss & boyfriend I guess offered that I could move in with him until I got on my feet. He seemed really excited about it at the time actually but things have just gotten worse since I moved in here. Between school and work as a nurses aid I have almost no social life anymore so I'm basically holed up in the house with him all the time. He works in customer service so when he is off work he wants to be "away from people". Honestly I think he has some issues because he married a girl who was 23 when he was like 35 and they got married in a very short period of time. She ended up cheating on him and then leaving for months and coming back randomly- the last time she came back she told him she was pregnant. He's told me this is the last time they've really talked and he says very mean things about her if she ever comes up in conversation. I think he really loved her and she hurt him badly. He used to be very attentive to me and told me how happy he was that I was with him, that I was beautiful, etc. Now he rarely says anything- I'm lucky if I get a glance like he is checking me out or occasionally will ask me if I want to have sex. Usually I ask and get rejected for some dumb excuse. He says I shouldn't take it personally but I do. I haven't gained any weight since we started seeing each other or anything so I don't know. But now I have kind of found myself sympathizing with his wife that cheated on him, which makes me feel awful. I am living here because I can't afford to live anywhere else right now because of school. The sex sucks now and I am lucky if I get it 3 times a month....I'm 23 so that's just not cutting it for me. I have tried to talk about it with him numerous times and he acts like I'm just being annoying. Honestly I think if I had the ability to leave right now and pay for everything I would. I need a younger guy but my finances won't let me move on yet. I feel like a horrible person because part of me knows I am here because I have to be- I guess in a way I'm using him. But I can't help but think he is using me too...I don't know it's just a messed up situation and I don't know how to cope with it at the moment. I just keep telling myself that in 5 months I will have my RN and be able to make enough money to support myself completely- then I can move out. I feel like that's a horrible way to live but I don't know if I have any other options.
ges6431 ges6431
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 22, 2013

i hope you are ok now.maybe you could warn and withhold things from him because time may come you couldn't tolerate these weaknesses and tear both of you down,apart.