I'm Sure He Must Be Gay :'(

To start, I want to make it clear that I am in no way homophobic, nor do I have anything against people who are gay. I, myself, am bisexual, but prefer to have relationships with men. For me, sleeping with other women is fun and exciting, but not something I would want in a long term, serious relationship. My boyfriend and I have only been dating a couple of months, and the person he pretended to be when we met is a COMPLETELY different person than he actually is. I am an attractive, extremely affectionate, and sexual woman. In my past relationships, I've always been the one who has had to say "no" as the men I've dated have wanted to have too much sex with me. (Note, that's hard to do, as I'm able, ready, willing, and have had sex for up to eight hours straight - no breaks, no cooling off - straight through).

The man I'm dating now is rarely affectionate with me. He doesn't want to hold my hand, he won't hug me, or cuddle with me. (And there are PLENTY of men BEGGING to be with me, so I know it's not anything to do with me).

I LITERALLY have to FORCE him to have sex with me. He NEVER wants to kiss, hug, or cuddle. Getting him to do anything like that is literally like pulling teeth. Then, when we do have sex, he is extremely focused on my ***. (And his) He even asked me to stick my finger up his *** the other night. Don't get me wrong, I'm a Registered Nurse, and very willing to experiment. I know that prostate stimulation can be very exciting for men. The only problem with the situation was that he had just seen his friend Joe, and came home with a harder erection than he can EVER get with me.

He proclaims to love me, want to have children with me, and spend the rest of his life with me. At the same time though, he never wants to be affectionate with me, especially in public. He has to touch himself before we have sex, just to get a soft erection.

When he gives me his half assed hugs, I feel no love from his touch, and it really hurts. I truly thought I was going to be with this man for the rest of my life, but now, as he's letting his TRUE self come through, I've no doubt he is gay. My whole family could even see it at Christmas, and thought we were "just friends."

This whole thing is killing me. I've NEVER been rejected by a man before, and now, I feel like I'm the man, and he's a whiny little *****. I am the one who wants to have sex. I am the one who has to initiate it, and basically force myself upon him. I am the one who is always saying "relax, calm down, you don't need to get so upset over something so small" such as saying "shhhh" when I'm on the phone, and he starts talking loudly to me.

I love him with all that I am, but don't feel that same love in return. He says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, but I can't help wonder, with all the evidence, the rejection, the lack of emotion on his behalf, if he's saying that because I'm the most attractive, sensual, sexual woman he's been with, thereby contributing to his denial of being gay.

Either way, it hurts. He led me to believe he was something he is not, and shattered many hopes and dreams in the process.
I feel more love when a complete stranger hugs me. That's sad.

I just don't know what to do. When I've told him my feelings about wanting him to be more affectionate with me, I have noticed an effort on his part to satisfy my needs. It only lasts so long though, and then it's back to his normal self. Plus, there are so many signs that he is gay. Or maybe he's just not an affectionate person?

I have no idea. I do know that I can put on sexy little outfits, or ***** down to nothing at all, start to give him a blow job, just to be pushed away because he's watching a RECORDED show. Also, he used to wrestle, and we all know how much contact there is between two men in that sport. I sometimes wonder if the wrestling was a cover to make it "okay" for him to touch other men.

I need help. That's about all I know right now. I would hate to make the wrong decision, and leave a wonderful man if he really is just not an affectionate person. Any suggestions?
Guinevere0u812 Guinevere0u812
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 17, 2013

So, I finally confronted him about being gay. He was outraged. Began speaking of the numerous women he's slept with, to which I replied "I know several gay men who sleep with women as a front, to cover what they REALLY are, and know several men who have been married with children before finally admitting to themselves that they are in fact homosexuals." He proceeded to have sex with me to "prove he isn't gay," then immediately afterwards, got into a huge argument with me.

So, it's over now. I cannot, and will not put up with the emotional / financial abuse any longer. I am the most loving, caring person one could be with, but I will not be abused any longer. I deserve much more, much better than that

So, I've tried ignoring him, acting like it doesn't upset me when he doesn't want to touch me, hold me, kiss me, or make love to me. Oh what a miserable failure! He could care less, and actually seems to be enjoying the fact that I'm not initiating anything. He'll still kiss me when I get home from work, or before he leaves in the morning, but it's like he's kissing his mother. There is absolutely zero passion in his kisses.

I don't understand. I don't know if it's me, or him. When we first met, he was so flirty, and had his hands on me all the time. He couldn't get enough. Now there's nothing there. He can barely even look me in the eyes anymore.

I really need some advice. I've never experienced this rejection with any other man, or woman for that matter.