I'm Too Scared to Get In Touch With Her Because I Think She Is Dead

I met this very sweet girl when I was 13. We spent only one weekend together and became very close friends. Then She returned home which was like 100 km away from me.  But we kept in touch. We wrote letters and sent gifts to each other for like 2 years. She was having a lot of problems. She was very depressed and tried to kill herself a lot of times by cutting her wrist, drinking poison, drug overdose and starving herself. It is a miracle that she was still alive. She has been to a lot of different mental clinics.

Sometimes I was scared to open her letters because I thought that it would be her parents who tell me that she is dead and can't reply. I would be a big shock for me. I wouldn't be able to handle it and so I stopped writing her and threw away all of her letters. She kept writing me and asking why I won't reply. I really wanted to talk to her but I was too scared and I couldn't tell her the reason why I can't reply.

Then I moved to a different country and she doesn't know about it, well I told her that we might move but I never told her that it was 100% sure. We haven't talked to each other in 4 years. I still have her address but who knows maybe she moved or maybe she lives in a mental clinic now but I can find her address in a phone book she has a rare lastname I can get in touch with her anytime. But I have that feeling that she is dead. It's hard to explain but I can't feel her presence, I'm 99.9% sure that she has killed herself. But there is still 0.01% that I'm not sure. Like I said I'm too scared to find that out. I guess I will never know.

PLEASE tell me what should I do????????

GrueneRose GrueneRose
1 Response Aug 6, 2007

As someone who has lost touch with friends I held dear, and always wonder what became of them or if they ever think of me--I think you should try writing to her. I'm not laying blame--but it must have hurt her so badly when you simply stopped writing. She probably blamed herself. Perhaps you were the only one she had who she felt understood. I've had lots of people who simply stopped writing to me and it still tears me apart to this day. :( And yes, I have left people hanging and often regretted it. You already know what the worst can be--it's the best that you're not sure of. Maybe she could become a great friend--maybe she can lay all your fears to rest, if she's still out there. Maybe she sits and wonders how you're doing, too. Go ahead and try to write to her. See what happens.