New Found Sanity And Insanity All In One Week

My long term partner. We have been together 15 years, started to attend couples counseling this year to see if we could expand our tool box to make our relationship work.

I pretty much had one foot out the door.
I was going to be Forty and had been to my own counseling for a few years before. My relationship was the last hurdle of my list of things to confront.

After months of couples counseling I did not see much improvement.
Still felt lonely, still felt like our communication was clashing.

Everything I said seemed to hurt his feelings, he never wanted to do things with me. Well unless I express that it made me feel special which kinda takes away feeling special.

We hardly had sex.( like three times a year!)

We never had been on a vacation. Just getting him to go camping was like pulling teeth.

The counselor tried to point out where his anxiety was getting in the way of our relationship but he still didn't see it. It wasn't until I said I don't see how this is going to work that he started to look into anxiety disorders.

He started taking online test for aspergers.

He started crying. He said I think , I mean I know, I have aspergers.

We both felt sad and relieved.

But I am having a hard time. Because I have spent 15 years working on a relationship that I have felt lonely, crazy, confused.
The most Ironic was I spent years in couseling trying to

I felt like I tried everything.

And now when I think things will finally get better, its still the same. He only sees his part in it all.
he barely considers me in his paths.

He says things like he loves me and doesn't want to loose me. He will do anything.

But yet he wont go to breakfast because he as anxiety about spending money, he wont get up and go on a walk because he cant do anything before his routine is finished.

He won't come to bed because he likes staying up till 3am.

When is enough enough. When is there light at the end of the tunnel.

I love him. But I dont feel I am in love with him anymore.

There has been no emotional investment to get us through this. AND I could try if I thought he was not trying to self diagnose and self treat.

I am so tired. So lost, and so glad things like this exists to feel not so alone.




pdlrofdrms pdlrofdrms
36-40
1 Response Dec 4, 2012

Yes, it definitely sounds as if your husband has Asperger's Syndrome. I know it's hard to accept, but his view of love and of the world is different from someone else's view. The sad thing is that he probably thinks that he is a brilliant husband etc. but because his 'view' is very limited (in other words, he doesn't appear to take your needs into consideration), then you have got to reach a point, (in your mind) where you accept his 'disability' and you must either move on or else accept his syndrome, which let's face it, is extremely difficult to deal with.

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect