So, unfortunately as it is with so many of these stories, things are not going much better than when I found this page and started writing my experiences. Not much has changed since my first story.

My husband still doesn't help with anything, he has had mostly unsteady employment and is constantly getting into scuffles with co-workers. He has had his current job for a couple months and it does help, soon our insurance will be active, I just hope he keeps this one long enough to go to the doctor and get his diagnosis.

One of the few things that has changed is me. After 12 years of being together, almost 8 years of marriage, and almost 4 years of mostly misery since his breakdown, I am not the same. I used to think, I would do anything for this man, I would walk whatever path necessary. Nothing could ever sway my conviction to him. I was wrong.

I am young, I am fun, and I am actually quite beautiful. With a beautiful face and nice shaped body. Men have always noticed me, I have always turned them down. Even the really nice ones, the ones who may be worth the time. No one ever could turn my head or capture my affection, I was unshakable in my devotion to my crazy husband.

But after years now of waiting for him to level out, get better, be more like the man I married, not be so depressed, help out more, hold a job, pay attention, after years of dealing with the same crap over and over, someone else has caught my attention.

Unfortunately that person is also in an unhappy marriage so it is not going anywhere. We talk and listen to each other, our spouses share a lot of issues with not helping the out. We are just friends on the surface. With an occasional stolen kiss on the cheek and an embrace that lasts a little too long, the pent up frustration from our spoiled relationships is just boiling under the surface. I don't know how to leave my husband, I don't know if I can nor am I even sure if I want to. He knows this and understands.

I fear if it continues, although it seems the only thing keeping me out of complete misery at the moment, that eventually passions will fly and lead us down a road we both know we shouldn't be walking. I have no idea what I should do. I don't want to leave, I don't want to stay. Do I leave what is safe and volatile, yet comfortable for the unknown? Do we remain friends secretly but don't let it go anywhere? Do I try to have my cake and eat it too? I just don't want to be alone and frustrated anymore.
Cindermoon Cindermoon
26-30, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

Change is always difficult; from what you described, I'd be hard to just remain friends with the new guy even with the best intentions and discipline. Having cake and eating it too can be dangerous, dysfunctional and can only make u feel worse, in my opinion that is!

Are you independent enough financially and otherwise to make a clean break if that's what you want?

My heart goes out to you it really does maybe my story can help you. I left my crazy husband after 7 horrific years to live with a new man I had only known for 6 weeks. But after 3 months in this new relationship I had a dream in which I saw Jesus and was commanded to return to husband. I was not a religious person but an unseen power literally compelled me to return completely against my will at the time. That was 35 years ago today I am writing my memoirs. Jesus Christ is alive and working in the world today. If you turn to him he will help you.