I Think My Husband Hates Me

Wow. I read all your stories and actually got teary-eyed. I am going through the same thing. My husband and I have been married 16 years and have four children together. Although I have never been a priority in his life, I still love him and long for the day when he'll put me first in his life and love me the way I have always loved him. When I say put me first, I'm talking about putting me before his siblings, mother, cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends. If I came second to the kids, I'd be fine with that but, EVERYONE comes before me. We have never done anything without his family. If I want to just do something with him and the kids, he wants his family to come along. And then finally he admitted that I'm not fun enough, that when his family comes along things are better. Wow. But, that's not it. He also looks at me with disgust when I enter the room or he'll say things to me out of the clear blue, usually when I'm laughing and talking with him and the kids, like "We don't fit together" or "We really don't match". Unfortunately, the comment that I've replayed in my mind for the past seven years is "Do you know why I've been so standoffish for the past couple of days? I find you disgusting and gross". It was said so matter-of-factly. And, yeah, he later apologized but I can remember the actual pain I felt inside and how I cried for three days straight. That was harsh and like someone commented earlier, that's the kind of thing you say to someone who you really cannot stand. I guess he really does hate me and I feel like a dummy for still loving him. So now, after spending time with the kids after work and feeding them, I retreat to my bedroom around the time he's due to come home from work. He always finds a way to hurt my feelings so, to avoid that, I hide out in my room. What baffles me is, during our 16 years of marriage, I always supported him emotionally, had his back when times were tough, loved him....but now he comes to me and says that he's leaving me. YOU'RE leaving? I'm so confused. He actually said that I was the problem, I didn't treat him like a woman is supposed to treat her husband. Then, he crushed me when he said that when two people get married, their love for one another should be at a level 10. His love for me was around a 3. I wanted to cry so badly but, realized I was more angry than hurt. I just feel like if he didn't love me enough, why didn't he leave a long time ago? Why put me through the emotional abuse and neglect day in and day out for so many years?
Every now and then I'll get angry when he says something mean and I cuss him out or say I'm going to move myself and the kids back to my hometown to be around my family and friends but, his comeback is always "Don't make this ugly". Is he serious? It got ugly the moment he realized he didn't love me enough to treat me like a man is supposed to treat his wife.
cmclovelyday cmclovelyday
36-40, F
11 Responses Jul 9, 2010

Me too,round 2 started as soon as the animal woke up,and get this he's going to church,run away,I can't I'm disabled,nit permanently,I'm doing surgeries but I will be good one day.then I'm leaving ,save money,vent it out,don't try to be nice,accept what is going on and prepare for the worst,but plan for a future of happiness even if uts alone.Im here cause I'm trapped,I will leave one day

I am sorry:( my husband and I have been married for 19 months and he really pissess me off. I am not remotely as innocent as u though, but my husband thinks I am fat even though they aren't his exact words, he has told me that, my weight has increased in the belly so that I would join the "y" with him, he only feels loved if I work out, he doesn't think my time is important at all!!!!!!!!! He chews me out if I eat something unhealthy, he might not hate me, but his love is very conditional.

Im going trhrough this right now! I feel for you , im loving someone who doesnt lve me but only hurts me

i also completely understand, my wife did the same thing to me. thankfully we didnt have any kids yet. we were only married 3 years and were planning to have kids only a few months ago until i got laid off.

Wow. Sounds oh so familiar in so many ways. I've been married for thirteen years and keep waiting for that moment. I know he loves me but resents me for tieing him down at such a young age. Make ur move before he does. Might change his perspective a bit. The times my husband has threatened me, the threats and drama were only over when I decided that I had to just let go. Once he saw me moving on drastic changes started happening for the good. Wont say it stayed that way for good but if you experience that freedom..even if its only a week...u will feel stronger and that in itself will move towards some type of positive change.

This is called a verbal abuser and its about controlling you. These people experienced some this growing up. This abuser needs treatment. Research the topic and treatments and start putting boundaries up. You no longer have be the abusers target. This is what is happeneing to all these people.

What a peace of **** your husband is...Where are you now ? I hope you are happy with your life now .
One of the signs that a marriage will not survive is as simple as your partner rolling their eyes when you speak !( or looking at you with disgust when you walk in the room ) You had far more signs than this ..
The cruel things he said to you leave scars....often more than physical abuse does.
He does what ever he can to make you as miserable as he is.And tries to justify his behaviour by making it all YOUR fault...He doesn't deserve you .If he prefers the company of anyone BUT you , then he should **** of and leave you in peace. Dont think that he will treat any other woman better than he treated you...Ít's just not in him...
Hope you life turned out for the better.

I have read your article. How do you deal with all that pressure? Children, i believe,must be on your side absolutely. I wish you all the strength and patience. God will give you power to find a solution,

That is a heartbreaking story, I'm so sorry you have had to endure that. I hope one day you will find the happiness you deserve.

I'm going through a similar situation... Married for 10 years together for a total of 16 years. We have 4 children together. It's as if he hates me, I can tell by the way he looks at me, talks to me and acts towards me. He has told me on several occasions that I am boring and that he'd rather go out on his own. He gets mad at every little thing and then calls me stupid for asking what made him upset. We can't go anywhere together without him getting mad. He's been out if work for a couple of months now. Everyday for the past few days after work I've been cooking for our kids, making sure they take showers/baths, clean up a little... By the time I send the kids to bed I head to my bedroom too. He hasn't said anything to me and hasn't really looked at me since Sunday. It hurts because I love him, but I think he wants a divorce.
At first I thought he's just feeling down because he wasn't able to find a job... but I don't think that's the case anymore.
I just don't know anymore.

I have been going throughout this for 5 years. Married after a few months of knowing each other. He had a dog. That dog has to go everywhere with us. My husband can't go to the bathroom or take a shower without the dog following him. He talks to the dog, gives affection to the dog, sleeps with the dog in another room because after 2 years of his snoring iwas so desperate for sleep I sent him to the guest room. No cuddling or early morning sex or anything. I have made so many comments about the dog I think he now hares me. I cry and ***** but nothing changes. He says he loves me but I dont feel it. I feel like he hates me now and it's killing me.