Not Sure What Went Wrong...

So, I am so confused with what is going on in my marriage.... We have been together for 10.5 years and married for not even 1 and I a miserable. We did things backwards and had kids first, if there is any one way to do things. We lost our middle son at birth well 4 hours after birth he became our angel, this being almost 3 years ago now..is when this all started. After our loss we went through all the grieving steps. I thought things were looking up we got engaged and it felt like he loved me and we knew one another more since our loss. Then I shortly found out we were pregnant again, this was scary due to our loss. So it took a toll on us and then he stopped looking at me the way a man does when he loves you. We stopped having sex and I noticed a lot of girls numbers in his phone, he swears up and down nothing was happening.. I cant shake that something did happen but there were a lot of #'s!

For someone to have such a strong sex drive to nothing worried me. He later told me this was because he was having repressed feelings everytime we would try to get intimate of our son we lost. This crushed me I thought that I was to blame for our loss.

We moved forward to trying to make things work or to put a patch on it, so to say.. we got married and now things still are awful!

We shortly after getting married bought our first home together, while things to an outsider look good on the inside they arent.

We never talk, and when we do it is not about us, we rarely have sex or even touch one another.. I try to intiate it and he pushes me away. I get these gut feelings that he is cheating so I look at his phone and stupid texts appear from random ppl asking him for sex.. these texts are now burned images in my head along with his repressed feelings about our loss.

I just dont know what to do, I want to be held, I want him to want me again... He wont talk he just tells me to calm down and relax all the time. What is this supposed to mean!!!

Am I better to take our children and try to find some way of getting through this or what?!?!?!?!?!?!
All I know for sure is that I am sick of these feeling and what to be happy again!
mlb10 mlb10
26-30, F
Jul 20, 2010