So Alone

I am in this boat as well. I have been married for 10 years now and for the last 8 of them it has felt as though he loathes my very existence.
He tries not to spend time with me and most evenings we are in different rooms of the house. He won't talk to me unless it is necessary and even then he will talk over me when I try to speak. Most evenings he spends 2-4 hours on the phone with friends and gets very angry with me if I make too much noise or inturrupt. Everything that goes wrong is somehow my fault. If I work, I am taking too much time away from the family. If I stay at home, I am not making enough of a contribution to the family finances. There is no winning. Nothing is good enough.
I'm very tired of it all. I just want to escape.
NEgal NEgal
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 11, 2010

I understand! Knowing that others are in the same boat can be so powerfully helpful sometimes. Isn't it just the craziest thing that you can think at the beginning that someone loves you and then somewhere along the line, you realize you are just an inconvenient annoyance in their life? Does that happen one day, or is it just a slow progression? I want to say HANG in there! If you have someone in your life that cares for you and loves you unconditionally, focus on that and remember that you ARE loved. Go to a girlfriend, a coworker or a family member when you need a boost. Don't be afraid to say, "hey, could you tell me one thing that you like about me?" It will help to hear it spoken. I don't have that, and I so long to hear something positive every once in a while to keep me going. Use your touchstones, and most of all be kind to yourself. Don't join him in being mean to you. You have incredible worth. Don't forget it. <3

I feel you and its only been two years for me. So tired of living a life where im not even second on his list of important things.