Feeling This Deeply

I have been married for 15 years and I guess I never truly felt as though my husband loved me - he has demonstrated enough hurtful actions towards me to warrant divorce, but I never utter the word; however, he certainly does at any given chance.  We have 5 year old who is my world and joy, yet I sit here and think of when I told him I was pregnant, he said "Im really mad at you for this? I wasnt certain I was going to stay with you, but now I have to?" I opened the door for him to leave at that time without any attachments - meaning that he could have left and I would have never came after him for money etc. etc.  It as the very best news I had heard (I so wanted to be a mother) and I had to attend appointments alone, be excited alone and at one time had to drive myself to the hospital when I thought I was in labor because he didnt come home that night? He was probably with someone else??? Whos to say Ive tried every form imaginable to try and find out if he is cheating GPS track the phone, following him etc. etc. and he always ends up with his buddies at the same place his buddies house?  Weird I know. 

Prehistorically, our relationship was awesome! When we where first together he was coo-coo over me!!  and I was coo-coo over him, but he slowly showed his true colors.  He has a tendency to:  put his wants before anyone elses, does not pick up after himself, refuses to do any housework, demands money, will show affection only under certain circumstances, talks to his buddies on the phone for hours yet puts my calls to voicemail, yells at me constantly about my inefficencies,  although he does not work (laid off) and I work 2 jobs he constantly orders me around about what he needs.  Im wore down, tired, sad, depressed and desperate for love...  I could write a book about these 15+ years and yet I stay.......
hhaahjahh hhaahjahh
2 Responses May 13, 2012

I agree, but the financial impact and the impact that it would have on my daughter may be worse (or I fear).

why are you still with him? its not the money, he doesnt work. Kick his Punk as* out. Being alone is horrible but being with someone who treats you like shi* is worse.