Husband Hates Me And My Children

MY HUSBAND HATES ME BECAUSE I HELP MY CHILDREN WHEN THEY NEED ME, BUT ITS OK HE HELPS HIS......I FEEL HE ONLY MARRIED ME TO HELP HIM RAISE HIS DAUGHTER. THE MINUTE SHE TURNED 18 AND SHE LEFT BECAUSE HER AND I DID NOT SEE EYE TO EYE, HE LET HER CALL ME NAME AND DISRESPECT ME. BUT THE MINUTE SHE LEFT, HE STARTED ACTING DIFFERENT. NO LOVE NO CARING, NO SEX...BEEN NO SEX FOR ALMOST 4 YRS . NO I HAVE NEVER EVER CHEATED ON HIM. BUT ITS SAD AND HE HATES WHEN I DO ANY THING FOR MY CHILDREN,,,,,MY SON HAD AN ADDICTION AND HE IS 16 DAYS CLEAN NOW ,HE HAS BEEN STAY AT OUR HOUSE ,,,HE CALLED ME AND HEdave_ NEEDED ME ....WHAT .....TURN MY BACK ON HIM, STOP LOVING HIM ...TO MAKE MY HUSBAND HAPPY....ITS NOT FAIR AND I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO PICK SON OR HUSBAND....HE DOESN'T TALK TO ME THIS MORNING HE LEFT FOR WORK AND I SAID I LOVE U AND HE SAID YEAH.....I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK AND HE HATES MY KIDS ...HE GOES UP TO THE BEDROOM WHEN THEY ARE HERE. ITS RIDICULOUS. I HATE THIS ITS TEARING ME UP AND I JUST DON'T NO WHAT TO DO ....BUT I REFUSE TO NOT BE THERE FOR MY CHILDREN. WHEN WE GOT MARRIED I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT ABOUT THE KIDS ....I SAID I HAVE HAD MEN (5) COME AND GO OUT OF MY LIFE BUT MY CHILDREN HAVE NEVER LEFT ME.....THEY ARE 1ST IN MY LIFE BUT, YOU CAN BE RIGHT THERE WITH THEM.... YES I WAS A SINGLE MOTHER AND VERY CLOSE TO MY CHILDREN.... .HE SAID HE WAS MOVING OUT ...MY SON IS DOING VERY GOOD AND HE IS GETTING READY TO GET A JOB ,CAR AND AN APARTMENT. BUT HE HIT ROCK BOTTOM SO HE NEEDS A LITTLE TIME TO FIX EVERYTHING HE WAS BROKEN...NO ITS NOT MY FAULT WHAT MY SON HAS DONE TO HIMSELF BUT I AM MOM AND I LOVE HIM,,,,I AM GOING TO BE THERE.... WHAT MOTHER WOULD NOT. SO ANYONE PLEASE TALK TO ME AND TELL ME YOUR OPINION PLEASE... THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL.....
LOLATH LOLATH
51-55, F
2 Responses Jan 10, 2013

To ALL the women in here!
Listen Up!
Empower yourself with the knowledge THAT U R NOT BORN 2 B BEATEN, ABUSED or USED, period! There is No excuse for any man or son or father to abuse you! Just because they choose not to recognize their ignorance and mis-behavings does NOT give them the right to steal your energy like a vampire or mentally crucify you! In the bible it says Thou Shalt Not Steal! This does NOT just mean material things it means your life, your self esteem, your mental strength in your God Given Free Will! If a man does not Fortify your soul with supporting energy then Ladies PLAN you escape! Even with children, if you love them enough then you woukd SPARE them the suffering internally by getting out of the situation! No money then go to a shelter and TELL the TRUTH to them! Never be embarrassed to reach out for help and KNOW those you reach out too went through most likely a similar thing! Love does NOT mean it's ok to b ignored! Love does NOT mean it's ok to be hit and apologized to later! Love Does NOT mean to be told shut up, I can't stand you or your voice and Love Does NOT mean do all the chores, clean house kitchen and only be made love too when the man's mistress or internet chat person dis-appears! Love IS respect, communication, effection and simply PAYING ATTENTION 2 u especially when it is free! Trust me when I say thos... get YOUR COURAGe up and Love yourself to recognize the Beautiful POWER of U! U R Beautiful! U R Love! and most importantly U R on this planet to Live n Love, period. It WILL b scarey but take the leap of faith!

I feel for you, as a mother i do. He is a father he should understand how important your children are to you. What worries me is there is no team work in the family, is your children even close with your partner that is important from the beginning. The same that you try and build a happy and satisfying relationship with his daughter. Children do and say things, do not take it seriously, they sometimes lash out, its for the father to say something. It sounds like there is no communication existent between your partner and you, or your children and your partner. I believe its time you all sit down and have a talk, maybe arrange outings together. Even just your partner and you to start off with. Get someone to watch the kids, spend some quality time with your partner, it just sounds like you have lost the spark that was there. Talk about old times, the good times, have fun together. Do things together. Him withdrawing in the bedroom is no good, action needs to be taken, its time to have a talk to him when the children are asleep.

You said your son is trying to become clean, that must have taken a toll on all of you, its not easy dealing with an addict. There is usually a lot of issues involved in addiction.
My concern is how are you coping. Its also vital that you both take each other needs into
account, ask him what he would like from you? You tell him the same after. Then its about putting it into action. Tell him how you feel? See what he says, start planning time to spend alone together when the kids are not around. Go to the theater, a restaurant or even visit a museum depending on what you both prefer. Talk about you two and no talking about the kids when this takes place, its about you two. Its also vital that your children have a great relationship with him. If he feels you place higher importance on the kids at all times and none on him, he may become resentful. It sounds like he misses his daughter. Have you talked to him about that? There is a big problem when there is no communication between you two. You both need to break down that barrier and all will be well again.