I Think My Husband Hates Me
I think I am finally starting to accept the fact that my 14 year marriage is doomed. I don't know what I did to make him hate me so much. We have 4 beautiful children we both adore. According to him I am too demanding because I would give anything to have him cuddle up next to me when we watch tv, or walk up and give me a kiss "just because." It would make my day if he actually called me during the day just to say hi and he was thinking of me. Yes, I have told him (for years) how I feel and he will try (it seems to be a huge effort for him) for a few days and then be right back to his usual cool, aloof self. He rarely gives me a compliment-I can't remember the last time he told me I was pretty or looked nice. I take good care of myself and am told all the time that I look much younger than my age and even get hit on by other guys-too bad it's from everyone except my husband. It hurts so much when we go out with other couples and I see how attentive and loving the husbands are with their wives. Even seeing how my father treats my mother after almost 50 years of marriage leaves me aching for my husband to treasure me the same way. I wait on him hand and foot in hopes of him "tossing me a scrap" of gratitude. Years of feeling taken for granted and rejected has made me resentful. I find myself "blowing up" and telling him I wish I had a "real husband" who treated me the way I deserve to be treated and other cruel things. The fighting has been happening more and more (especially after I have a few drinks in the evening to try to numb the depression I feel creeping in). After this last blow up, he says he is contacting an attorney and this time wants a divorce because he can no longer live like this. I am trying to convince myself this is a good thing-that I can finally find someone who will show me real love and affection...I just wish I could stop loving him and stop the pain.
By:
hopeisfaith
Age:
41-45
,
Female
