... But Somehow I'm Not So Sure I Actually Care Anymore. Is That Wrong?

Is it wrong, after all the other crap he's put me through, to suspect that he's cheating but not really give a damn anymore?

He hides things and lies to me (supposedly he'd been going to counseling for 3mo, but he had no reason to lie and tell me he was going to prayer meetings instead) and has coerced me into things (sex - using my son as a reason to figure out a way to stop being afriaid and trust him enough to feel comfortable doing it so I wouldn't tear the family apart, counseling - he told me we were going to Bible study when all he had to do was ask & I'd have been more than happy to go, **** addiction - he'd do this in the room above instead of watching our son while I was teaching classes in the livingroom below) and is generally disrespectful and unappreciative of everything I do, often insulting me and making false accusations. He blames me when he's angry and physically abuses our son while abusing me verbally, socially, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. Of course, any time I tried confronting him about how he was treating us, he'd turn it around and try to tell me that I was the one treating -him- badly... sometimes making threats (leaving, divorce, taking our son) and sometimes simply becoming hyper-critical of everything I say/do.

It's not like I have to worry about diseases if he's been cheating - we haven't had sex in months (mostly because _I_ started sleeping on the couch to get away from the way he was treating me). Hell, we haven't even had a -date- in years! And it's not like I have to worry about his "schedule" being an issue anymore since I took my son and ran away about a week ago to my parents' house to get away from him.

But now that I'm out I do wonder, since it's been suggested to me in the past by a couple of friends (seperately: one's met him, one hasn't) that maybe he's been treating me the way he has in order to start something so he can justify cheating. He's got random availability during his workday but he doesn't do paperwork (that waits till he gets home at the end of the day) and he doesn't try to get together with my son and I. Not long before we left, my husband would come home and shower immediately upon entering the house, and he'd spend tons of time on his computer and away from the house saying that he had extra work, but it didn't seem like he was getting any extra pay for it (I had to pay his last student loan payment myself) and he made me go through his pockets to do laundry the day before we left and I found $70 but he says he never has any money and certainly never spends any on my son and I - if we go out as a family, I have to make sure _I_ have money to pay, even though I only make about $150 a month b/c I've been working PT to raise my son. He also doesn't seem to mind me taking our son to visit my family, but if it's something where all three of us should go (such as to visit for Christmas, for example) he'll refuse the trip. He sits in on all my phone calls as well (esp to family) but will actually take the phone outside if -he- gets a call, saying the signal's poor, but yet -my- cell phone works inside the house! Add to this that the last time I came home from an extended visit with family, there was a female's shirt on my line (not mine) but he said it had blown over the wall from the neighbor... plausible, but wouldn't she have said something the next day when she saw me wearing it? Or at some point over the next few weeks at least? He also hasn't called us in the past 5 days (even to talk to his son!) though he knows where we are and so far thinks we're just visiting and will return to him in a few days.

Should I care about this? Everybody says "follow your gut" which would lead me to say "yep, he's cheating" but I'm honestly so completely apathetic right now it's almost disgusting. I very nearly think to myself that it'd be better if he -were- cheating because then maybe he'd be distracted enough to leave me and my son alone and let us get on with our lives without causing a huge issue over custody. I never want my son to know this, but his father never wanted a child in the first place, and seems pretty bitter about the responsibility ever since - though he made a big show of being thrilled the day my son was born at least but has basically been absent since even though we were all still living together until a week ago. I have heard though that if there's other women involved in the man's life it's a huge point against them for custody - of course, you'd think the abuse scenario would be enough all by itself to keep my son, wouldn't you? I just don't want to take any chances. He's in another country though, so investigating this is damned near impossible without returning to him - which I refuse to do now that we're away and safe from him.

Thoughts? Feelings? Advice? Suggestions? Encouragement? I'd be happy to hear anything from anybody right about now on this issue. I really just don't know what to think at this point, other than wondering at myself for being so apathetic of suspicions that once would've had me through the roof.

ViolaPercy ViolaPercy
26-30, F
1 Response Feb 18, 2010

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