Actually, I Know

He told me, so I can't really say, I think he is gay, I know. Shortly after we were married he told me when he was young he had a gay relationship in his teens. At the time he framed it as something he had done then because he was an unpopular teen and couldn't get girls to go out with him, and something he would never do now. I believed at the time that was possible. Then he developed a close relationship with a man from work, a man who just happened to have that gay lilt when he spoke, a man my husband swore to me was straight. They started exchanging gifts, and I thought it a bit odd, but didn't want to seem insecure. Then I found a condom wrapper in our bedding, even though I knew we hadn't been using condoms. He swore he had no idea how it got there. I swallowed that too. Then I found another man's underwear in my house, and the blinders finally had to go. I didn't even confront my husband with the underwear, I knew he would lie to me. I just had an AIDS test and never let my husband touch me again. He is nothing but relieved about the lowered expectations. Anyways, I don't think he is gay, I know.
lilgrlnikki lilgrlnikki
41-45, F
5 Responses Jul 9, 2010

I know about my gay spouse as well and I totally sympathize. I did the same thing - got tested for all possible STDs and found out about HPV, but was HIV (and all other ones) negative. So, we haven't had sex since and I think he's relieved too. Are you staying, or going? Let me know how you're doing - it's a hard road.

Thank you, still working on the way out, but it is coming along.

It is amazing how many women are kept in the dark, many are still in the dark because their belove spouses decide to withhold the truth from them.<br />
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At least in your case, you are on your way out. I wish you luck. God bless you. It is never too late to have a new start.

And thank you both for responding.

The events that are outlined above took place over the course of almost twenty years. I have stayed for a lot of complex reasons, disabilities in my family and such that demanded I be a stay at home mom. Every day I get closer to being ready to get out, I have managed to get training in marketable skills, and have found a lot of resources to help out. I have only put down denial in the last five years, and have been taking classes and preparing myself for financial independence since then. I am now looking for an affordable home and hopefully will be out within the next year.