Confused

I have been married for just over a year. And I have found many clues to my husband being bi but I'm not sure how to handle or confront him about it. I love him so much but I'm so confused. Should I leave him or stay with him we already have to adorable lil boys. I have found many gay **** sites on our computer. Before it use to be regular **** but not it's guy on guy ****. What do I do?? Do I ask him or what ? Someone please help !!!
Mrsconfusedwife Mrsconfusedwife
22-25
5 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Ok ladies you need to stop putting labels on everything. There are many levels to sexuality not just Gay or Straight. I am a a married bi guy with triplets. I am attracted to both sexually but emotionally attached to women.. Its unclear how many men out there are actually bi because it requires people to be upfront and honest. Lets just say guys arent the best in this area so there is no actual statistic but there are some studies that actually say that 40 percent of all men have some level of bisexuality in them. Now some can go there entire lives without saying a word or acting on it. Some just have fantasies about it and keep it to themselves (through **** or other outlets). And there are some that cant do it and it bubbles up and cant deny themselves. This does not make them gay. I love my wife and my family but I love her and that is all I need but that doesn't mean I don't have fantasies about 3somes or just a guy. You would never even know that I am even this way. Normal athletic 35 year old guy in suburban south. I think the difference is since my wife has found out, I have been totally open with her. Yes we have our struggles especially being parents to triplets but as long as your open and honest you can make it and have an awesome relationship... Its very hard for guy to come clean with a woman out of fear of rejection and hurt. We want to feel normal but we are not and its harder to be a bi male than a gay guy. And its a double standard because it is cool and ok for girls to be bi ((like anna paquin) or whatever her name is). Wish more women could be more understanding. My wife knows I love her and that I am emotionally connected to her and she is all that I need but that doesn't mean that I am straight even though I have a straight relationship with her. Guess I am lucky to have someone that understands, cause most women wouldn't...<br />Also like I said above you cant call yourself gay if you are turned on by women. I would say the majority of so called gay men and women out there are actually bi but lean toward the same sex but can still get turned on by the opposite sex. But for the sake of labels it is easier just to call yourself gay. Sexuality is not that easy and can be very fluid through a persons life. I also think technology plays a huge part because a lot of guys felt alone and because of religous and social norms hid there thoughts and actions. Now they find they can connect to guys like them and express there thoughts and sexuality where as before we couldn't. It took me a long time to understand myself and come clean with it to my wife and stop lying to her and to myself. I prefer women any day of the week but I can be attracted to a man but like I said above that doesn't give me the right to cheat on my wife. We have talked about doing a MMF 3some and it is awesome she might be willing to try that out but I would never actually act on that without her ok first...

confront him about it cause you'll just be lying to yourself! I know you wish you could just sweep it under the rug and forget about it but trust me it wont go away it will just be in the back of your head!! Its not fair for you because how will you know his not doing more behind your back! If he wants to be with a man then you should have the right to be happy with someone who fully loves you!!

That isn't right either. They need to sit down and talk and if they or he cant talk about it then they need to site with someone that knows a thing or two about this. When you have inside knowledge on this then maybe you might have a right to an opinion on this. Not right of you to tell someone to just throw away a relationship when you don't know the whole story, period!!!

I'm sorry I read your comments on this story and a few other with the same response and not everyone in this situation is blessed with your outcome okay. You try looking at it in from our point of views. You meet someone you fall in love with and after marriage you find out they haven't been completely honest with their sexuality. Put yourself in our shoes to find out something by "evidence" on the computer instead of honesty from the get go. So now the person you fell in love with and now share kids with is into the opposite sex. That S*** is haunting and hurtful.

Distraught I agree but you also need to put yourself in the mind set of a guy. There millions upon millions of guys just like me that hide because we were raised that **** burn in hell and that Jesus hates you for those sinful thoughts. Starting when your a small kid and it brain washes you into thinking and being the way you are is wrong.
Let me ask you something? Would it matter to you if he were talking to a girl or would it be less hurtful to you if it was a guy? Just curious? Cheating is cheating regardless but if he digs looking at gay or bi **** but doesnt act on anything else does it really matter??? No different than looking at straight ****. If he loves you then that should be all that matters...

Your going above the whole situation. I hear you, i hear your story but it doesn't compensate for cheating, lying and betraying your significant other. Your being selfish and only thinking about your self have some respect for your significant other as a human being. It hurts me more to know it was a man because when I a woman married a man I thought I knew him. To know that he betrayed me in this matter is hurtful because I as a female thought that what we had was real for another. I didn't marry a bi guy, I didn't plan on marrying a lying deceitful person. When we got married none of this was an issue and for it to come out of the blue it is why it's so hurtful. Do you understand ???stop trying to compensate your struggles for hurting your significant other, you owe it to them to be honest as a man and wife otherwise your living a lie.

I understand but just because he is bi doesnt mean that he doesnt love you or isnt attracted to you. Lots of guys live like this without ever saying a word or you never knowing. My question still goes back does it really matter if he loves u and wants to be with you and sexually attracted to you does it really matter? He loves you and you love him thats all that should matter... I cant excuse the lying or cheating over time but relationships can survive this and they have. It hurt my wife to when she found out but our love helped us through and we are stronger than ever.

Again stop playing the victim here, i have nothing against LGBT if anything I respect them for not being afraid of who they are. But a love marriage is a marriage of TWO individuals based upon mutual love, affection, commitment and attraction. It does matter because if he truly loved me he would have been all of the above. Not a selfish ******* who only cares about their own struggles. Your missing the whole point, I would suggest go apologize to your wife because it seems like you have yet to take responsibility for actions and hurting her.

I have taken responsiblity for it and I would claim it to be the biggest mistake of my life and not sharing it with the one person who trust me unconditionally. I am and claim that a $$hole card and will wear it. But my wife also knows that I am still the same person she married just sees a new side to me but it really doesnt matter to her as long as I faithful to her.

It upsets me that you try to tell people to forgive their significant other because you don't know what HE is going thru. Are you kidding me??? those are excuses coming out of your mouth and justifications for what you did. That tells me about you that you rather lie and deceit to your wife for the selfish reason of being confronted of the truth. You rather cause pain and heartache to the mother of your children for the sole purpose of your satisfaction to live your lifestyle. Know that every relationship is different and what works for you may not be tolerated by others. But a marriage is a commitment to your ONE spouse. A team not an individual

5 More Responses

This may be the moment to either assert your dominance and cuckold the boy with a real man, or leave him for one. Yours has a sweet streak and he'll make good on it without you unless you take charge.
Just my own $.02

HAHAHA ok man - you need to simmer down lol

I would pull up the computer history, print it, and show it to him. You have legit questions. He can't talk his way around it if you have it right in front of him. All I can say is be prepared (as best you can) for the worst, and pray for the best.