What To Do If You Think Your Husband Is Bi-sexual

I am glad that I found this site. Somehow I felt that it was really real ( the situation where I am now)and it does happen.
Don’t know where to start.
But I feel so hurt and depressed. I’ve been carrying this pain for almost a year.
I don’t know if I am right with my suspicions. I am married for 10 months.
It was all started when I read a conversation of my husband and his friend. They we’re talking about the sex organ of a guy..His friend was telling him that he saw a penis and he described ( says how big it is, how it apprears) it to my husband. And my husband replied as if he was amazed and asking his friend if his friend hold it). Then his friend to told him to check for the account of one guy because in this account the guys posted their private parts(penis)
I don’t know how to react when I first read it. I can’t believe.
Then I continue scanning for other messages.
Again I read a conversation of my husband and his gay friend. His gay friend asking him if my husband and (name of a guy) had sex already.
With that messages my doubts started to begin.
I don’t know if that messages could be a proof that he is Bi-sexual.
I confronted him, but he denies it all. He tells me that it was just a joke or they are just making fun. He told me that I am dirty minded and just giving malice.He says that he is not a bi-sexual.
Everytime I asked him he is defensive.
From that day( when I confronted him) we always fight.
I couldn’t let go of the issue. Do you believe in womans instinct.
I don’t know but everytime he told me that it’s not true there’s a part of me saying that he is lying.
I believe deep with in me that he is bi-sexual but I just can’t say it straight to his face because I don’ have a concrete evidence. I’ve been looking for a proof but I can’t find one.
Can somebody help me on what to do to caught him that he couldn’t deny.
I am wondering also that we haven’t sex yet. Everytime I asked him to make love he doesn’t want to..he always give me reasons and excuses and telling me that I am just thinking of myself.
Our marriage now is drowning. We don’t talk that much.
For now I really don’t know wahat to do.Will I stay or leave?
But I love him so much.
I don’t know if I am right of my accusations.
So painful…

simplygerthrude simplygerthrude
31-35, F
10 Responses Jan 17, 2013

I feel your pain...im having almost same thing happinig...i however postponed our wedding, he is still in denial, and when I try to talk he is very defensive!!!!! I mean he gets really mad defensive! I even tokd him i can handle it if he's bi, we will work with it, as I love him that much. He says same things he just likes to make fun of gay men, an mess with their heads

I understand u 100%, I confronted my husband about some messages sent from his phone to gay men n he said it was one of his friends playing a joke on him. He will not admit it was him but deep down inside I know he did.

My husband conversation with his best friend in facebook troubles me. he told him "u still my top dawg". I have a bad feeling about their relationship. English is not my first language and I am having trouble understanding this expression. We have been married for 14 years and he has no sex desire. He says he is impotent but watches **** ,no gay though. I always find sex enhancer pills in the house and he says he is taking them to try to be intimate with me but always when I confront him that he has not even try to get close to me makes me very suspicious about an affair. I would appreciate if someone knows what the expression means let me know please. I really love him and I have been trying to be understanding and not push him because I believed he really has a medical condition but Now I fear the worst.

Honey, I'm so sorry but it definitely sounds like it is time to leave. You deserve better. He is clearly gay.

Grrrrr..... You cant say he is gay, period... God you women claim to be understanding and caring but then I a site like this I see crap like this from girls like you... For all you know he could be playing around. He could be bi-curious, bisexual, or pansexual. Sexuality isn't just Gay and straight. Happy married bi guy here. It is possible and hell I could be your husband best friend and you would never even know. My wife knows and it took her finding me on sites to make me talk about it. I very much in love and attracted to my wife and her parts. But I also find guys attractive. Doesn't mean that I will cheat on her or act on my feelings. I am just glad that my wife understands and are relationship is even stronger. I tried dating guys in college because I was questioning myself but I could never feel love or attachment to a guy like I did women. I am not alone in this and there are a ton of guys out there just like me. The either hide it and find other avenues to vent themselves or don't act on it all. There are a few studies but nothing concrete but it (because that would require guys to be open and honest about their feelings, lol, and that isn't going to happen lol) is believed that over 35 to 40% of all men have some bi behavior in them. This does not make them gay AT ALL!!! It all depends on what level and how far they choose to act on it... I can tell you from when I was in college to when I was single out of college the majority of guys that reached out to me or tried to hook up were married guys lol... NO JOKE!!! I am who I am but I am happily married father of triplets and have a wife that I would die for. Don't say that some one is gay when you know nothing of the situation, seriously!

Hey so I have a Question I think my fiancéDAVE is Bi-sexual. I checked his phone and he texted a guy and this is what it says

GUY: Thanks DAVE

DAVE: Happy Ending LOL

GUY: Ha!

DAVE: My Nickname

GUY: Yep. Text me when you want that massage.

DAVE: Nice

GUY: Yo. I haven't seen you at the gym in a while. How you been?

DAVE: I was on vacation. How's life? Where is my Apple?

GUY: In my pants

DAVE: Want to hangout tomorrow?

GUY: What time?

DAVE: Day Time

GUY: LOL. Prefect ... My Place?

DAVE: It's Safe LOL?

GUY: Yes my place is. My roommate is in LA til Friday

DAVE: Nice Get excited LOL

GUY: I am excited woo hoo!

Please tell me what you think if he is cheating on me with a guy

Also you cant be 100% gay if you find women attractive and get turned on by them. We live in a label society where everyone has to wear a label because it is easier to do. Even if this guy might be bi and lean his sexuality to men it wouldn't make him gay because he can still like or have sex with a woman. Sorry you are wrong on this and you really need to do more research before making claims to what you are talking about. I would be willing to take a guess that the majority of gay guys and women could say they can get turned on having sex with the opposite sex but prefer to live with or have relations with the same sex because it is the way they feel. This means they are bi with a emotional and sexual attachment to the same sex but can still be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. There are a lot of gay people who would rather kill themselves then be forced to have sex with the opposite sex and that is 100% gay/lesbian...

I think my husband is on the same boat... only that he totally denies it... i am really really sure he is bi sexual ... there is a thing called a woman's instinct and it will never go wrong ...you can be mad but it is not right to hide that... and marry a woman... and leave it to her to figure it out later... because... its same as lying ... hiding ..in my husband;s case he is delusional...he is something but he wants to believe in something else and make it his reality...i am just pissed off because he is not honest to himself and to me about things that are important...and this is not the only thing that he denies...anyways.. you said that you love your wife ...how long have you been married ?he says that he loves me like that too..and he is surely also attracted to women ..

Hey I hope that you are still there !! And going to respond because this is almost the end of 2014!I want to know what happened with you and your husband ..also i am having the same kind of issue... I would really love to have conversation with you...if that is possible about this... but to be short my husband and i are newly married been not more than about 7 months.. with him the prob is he is obsessed with his butt... he wants me to grab on to it ..play with it ... puts my hand on it.. he wants me to lick it and even penetrate him with a strap on..!! and wants to penetrate me the same way! i can feel that the depth of his desire ..that he really would love that... recently he had told me few stories of the past in his adolescence he had done sexual activities with few guys...and i accused him to be bisexual and he denied it right away... I did not drag the conversation too long with him... cuz i was not in the mood for it... he is not clearly gay i think because he is attracted to women.. but he likes to watch **** with women that have male genitals ...he does have sex with me when we are in the mood and does not show any annoyance ... he likes women's body and he does say anything against homosexuality..thats why i want to categorize him as a bi-sexual .. i am going to confront him... again.. and make his denying tongue admit sooner or later...but i want your or anyone elses opinion on this to help me please .... and tell me how to deal with it .. thank you.

He is bi lol... or atleast heavily curious. Will send a mssg to you so we can talk on there

4 More Responses

I'm sorry for your pain. You should cut your losses now and find love elsewhere. I know it isn't easy because love can make you endure very painful things. Just know you deserve better than this and will find love again.

If you've been married for 10 months and hubby hasn't initiated sex...then all your gay questions are merely proof of his (homo)sexuality.

Why is it such a big deal if he is bi? What would bring you closer together is being accepting, not judging each other. To be honest, if you told him that the idea of him with another man turned you on, you might be amazed at how much your marriage (and sex life) improved.

If you look for reasons to separate, you'll find them. I you look for reasons to love and support each other, you'll find those too.

My wife and I are in our 60's. She has suspected I am bi for some time and has chosen not to bring it up. I actually wish she would say what she suspects.

Hurt and depressed are not the type of words to describe how a relationship makes you feel. I'm not sure if it really matters what his issues are. The bigger question is how do you view yourself and your own self-worth.

I'm in a 28 year marriage and I've gone that entire time second guessing what if's. Now, I'm so in love with him and can't even imagine a life without him that I'm overwhelmed with the idea of leaving him.

Please take some hard advice, find a relationship that makes you say your are happy, fulfilled and looking forward to the future.

1 thing for sure he is bi. and if he doesn't mind having a treat you with another guy. that kind of explains it all. sorry you have to go through this. but remember others have it even tougher

There are an equal possibility that he might be gay or he's just fooling around out of curiosity induced by his gay friends. I had a friend who even went to a Gay bar just because his gay friend insisted and he thought it would be an adventure. Today he's happily married and a father as well. If he's asking let him have some breathing space...you can't do anything about it anyways :( .<br />
I'm sure Sex was not the only thing that made you two marry each other so it cannot be the only thing that can take you apart. I think the fun factor seems to be missing, rekindle your love, do things he always liked about you. Plan out things, trips he always wanted to and things would change in your favour.<br />
Rome was not built in a day so don't expect a miracle to change things all of a sudden.

Yes, trust your instincts and the proof you already saw - the email(s). He is gay. He's not even bi if he hasn't wanted or initiated sex with you. A straight man does not talk or get excited about another man's penis. I've been through this. Ten years into my marriage, I discovered that my ex was doing the same thing as yours. Despite all his denials, my instinct said I was right. It took me five years to come to terms with separating from him because of my religious beliefs. But it came down to this: If I had known from the very beginning, I would never have married him. So why stay? Only you can know what is best for you. Stay true to your heart. It is okay to be "selfish" about taking care of yourself - your needs, wants, desires, and dreams. Trying different tactics to entice his interest and convince him to be straight is pure BS. As much as it may hurt to hear it, it will only be a bandaid for the bigger issue. It may stop the bleeding, but the wound will never heal, because you just don't have the equipment he is looking for. I'm sorry this happened to you. It is deeply painful. I get it. Because this happened to me, I am now a life strategist and coach/mentor for women who find themselves in this situation. Please inbox me if you need specialized support while going through this turbulent time in your life.

I'm sorry this card was delt in your life, but I'm glad you got out of it and are helping others. You are awesome. I've talked in depth about this subject with a gay married guy, and he just doesn't see what's wrong. He just thinks it's ok to compartmentalize his life into a family life with the wife and kids and his secret gay life where he has romances and one night stands. He and his wife have no physical intimacy at all. When I would mention how unfair that is to her and how she could be happier with another man, he'd get defensive and sound jealous. I think some of these guys are just plain weak and selfish. I told he wanted to stay married then stop looking for boyfriends. We didn't talk for 5 months, then out of the blue he tells me he has been with all of these guys and has a new boyfriend! Lasies, ladies, ladies please don't let this happen to you.

I'm really relieved to read your post. I have been experiencing a horrid marriage...to an Arabic Egyptian man who I believe married me to hide his gayness. We live in Germany. I met him when we were living in Korea. (so he hasn't lived in Egypt for several years...probably because they'd kill him if they found out) He rarely initiates sex, hangs out with strange Arabic guys all of the time (plans things to do with them on the weekends rather than me) and to top it all off, asked me to have a ********* with a shemale. (He even gave me a phone number to one so I could call and plan the encounter for our anniversary....then got viciously angry when I insisted on how he got this number.) I have asked him to leave but he will not get out of my house. So we lived together with him sleeping on the sofa..refusing to get out and refusing to end the marriage but making me feel unattractive and falling into a deep depression. I have told him that I know he he at least bi-sexual (loves to watch bisexual or transvestite ****), and said that I would not be angry if he would just admit it, but he says no.

This past week an Egyptian friend of his came to stay with him after I said the guy could not come (because he's here illegally, neither of them have any money to feed themselves, and because I suspect they have a relationship). So I asked my boss if I could move into the school's boarding house and I'm getting the hell out of this apartment. I've been sleeping in another room, and the two of them are sleeping in the same room. Lying freaks.... I'll be glad to get away.

Actually, when I started this post I was going to ask how you got through the rough time of feeling like something was wrong with you because the husband was not attracted to you, but as I am writing, I am more convinced than ever that he has been having relationships, denying me, telling me I'm "sick" when I say I know he is putting his penis elsewhere, and frankly I'm in massive anger mode.

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