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He Was Sexually Abused As A Boy

My Hub and I have had a very ruff last few years,.. we are seperated now and he has just begun telling me that all his sexual encounters before meeting me ( at 19 ) was w other boys. It started when he was maybe 10.... he had an older boy  do things , hes choosen to do sexual things to another boy and when he was around 14 he would pretend to be lovers and lay in bed with a boy who is now openly living a gay lifestyle.

MY QUESTION is:  If you think ur husban dis gay is there a connection to childhood abuse or play with boys in his past that you know of at all?

Ps.. the reason i think he is gay even though he "cheated " on me w a woman at work ,.... is that he recenlty told me he often wonders what it would be like ot have  somehing in his butt..which hes already experienced a ***** in his butt ( from childhood and i have donw it for him in the past as well. SO ... i take it he means hes wondering what actual sex would be like.. I don't know. Im confused and am starting to doubt we will ever get our marriage back.

hebrokemyheart hebrokemyheart 36-40, F 8 Responses Mar 30, 2010

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I was molested as a teenager by a male teacher. I didn't resist, and think it may well have given me my gay desires. I also like women. I'm married, and love my wife very much. But I also have sex with men, and she doesn't know it. I, for one, hope you can forgive your husband.

I see what you are saying, men are especially susceptible to having earlier experience contribute to their sexuality but that is different from orientation. Someone once explained it to me that imagine there is a little box in your head and what ever is in that box turns you on more than anything else and is special. Normally what is in the box is the image of the ideal mate but sometimes the door opens up and other things slip in, those things are bases on experiences and thoughts in our memory.

None of this means he's gay. At maximum he is bisexual. Guys can enjoy penetration by toys or other guys and still not be gay. In matter of love and attraction, you go with the heart.

I was abused as a young boy of 8 by a man who made it into a game too go in the ladies toilet in the park. I was scared he would harm me but i all felt so good very confusing but buggered the rest of my life. since then I have crossed dressed but love women but cannot get aroused unless i am dressed up. as the years have passed and the internet is available It has been easy to find men that like men dressed up but part of me loves women most so my life is a turmoil I restrain the dressing up and gay side of my life to try and have a good life with my wife. No one know how we suffer those of us that were abused by these people who were probably abused them selves. I think that when i am dying it will be a blessing in that there may be hope that the spirit is born into another body so a fresh start can be gained.

Hi, How do you know that your wife wouldn't enjoy you dressing up for her? I bet if it arouses you so much, she would enjoy it :)

actually as a gal... I am looking for someone who dun mind dressing up in wat I wanna see... problem is.. there isn\'t anyone.

I was married for 7 years and for religious reasons denied feelings for other men/boys. I really loved my wife but revealed too much about my early childhood experiences with men and older boys. I guess I'm bi but wonder if the early sex abuse scared me into pretending I am straight or if really am gay, or if early childhood sex made me gay. I think its not the professed orientation but the relationship that counts. If you can accept him as he is (maybe confused) then maybe he would cling to you as the only one in the world that really understands him. I suspect he does love you but has been honest enough to confess his bisexuallity (which BTW means "either" not "both") as a bi male I have been completely faithful to my long term female partners, Bi does not necessarily mean ****!<br />
And FYI anal stimulation is not in the province of gay males. You may not be the best mate for him, but he could be the best lover you'll ever have. Your choice.

I was married for 7 years and for religious reasons denied feelings for other men/boys. I really loved my wife but revealed too much about my early childhood experiences with men and older boys. I guess I'm bi but wonder if the early sex abuse scared me into pretending I am straight or if really am gay, or if early childhood sex made me gay. I think its not the professed orientation but the relationship that counts. If you can accept him as he is (maybe confused) then maybe he would cling to you as the only one in the world that really understands him. I suspect he does love you but has been honest enough to confess his bisexuallity (which BTW means "either" not "both") as a bi male I have been completely faithful to my long term female partners, Bi does not necessarily mean ****!<br />
And FYI anal stimulation is not in the province of gay males. You may not be the best mate for him, but he could be the best lover you'll ever have. Your choice.

I realize that. That's NOT what makes me think hes gay,.. he has already experienced those things .... so when he said he often wonders what it would be like.... the only thing he hasnt done is a mans penis ..... so thats a lil different to me. Along w the fact we werent having sex for a while before we seperated and his backgrown. I dont know i guess im trying to make sens of what happened and what he may be going through. Ty for responding.

I think you don't have to be gay to want to experiment how it feels to have anal stimulation, he may be or not, but this does not indicate anything, only he is open to the experience.