My Husband Wants To Watch Me **** Other Men And I Don't Get It

My husband wants to watch me with other men and I don't get it. I am angry and hurt and while he says it is because he loves me so much - I think it is all about him and his ego and not about me at all. I am a jealous person - I love him more than anything and get annoyed when a woman even looks at him when I am present as I feel it is disrespectful. I don't know how he can "love" me so much and not be jealous. I have said I am not interested and he continues to pressure me and brings it up constantly.

What am I supposed to do? Advice is welcome as I am at a true loss on how to handle this.

Thanks all for any help.
COSunshine COSunshine
31-35, F
9 Responses May 18, 2012

This is one of the most common fetishes men have. It ranges from wanting to give her an erotic experience they can both share to almost a a core need. Some men think their wife is very sexy and desirable. In these mens minds, sharing their sexy beautiful wife with another man is kind of like sharing his really cool toys for just a little while, then taking them home. When the wife does this, it confirms in their mind that they have something very precious and valuable that other men are jealous of!.. So yes, in some ways it is an ego thing.

The men with the core need are called cuckolds. I googled "cuckold and hotwife". It was very interesting to me. I read an interesting article on the fetish. In cuckolds, the fetish, like most fetishes, is hard wired. I can get very technical, but a cuckolds brain rewards him with dopamine when his wife is unfaithful. This is a very tuff concept for women. Their husband wants them to do the very thing, that would cause a divorce from a man without the fetish. This goes against most everything a woman has been taught about a relationship and marriage.

Interestingly, the more a hot wife explores, the closer and more connected a cuckold feels to her.. exactly the opposite of what she thinks should happen. So, typically, it can take a man years to convince his wife to play this game. He sees it as something that will make their marriage more secure and satisfying. The wife sees it through her mind.. "why would he want me to do this? I thought he loved me... etc" Or, if I do it, I will feel so cheap and used.. If a wife has that mindset.. she should never ever do it till she thinks it is something that might be fun.

Most hot wives, are not comfortable with their role at first.. they are doing it for their hubby because the love him so much. They need to understand, they are in control of the game, they have been given a get out of get out of jail free card and are not sure how or if they can really use it. Remember, it is suppose to be fun. If it is not fun or exciting, then dont do it. On the other hand, this is an opportunity to explore and share more intimately with your spouse than most people dream about.

There was a survey taken a couple of years ago with women who do this for their husbands. 74% said that since they started doing this for their husbands, their relationship and marariage is better. They started doing it for their husbands, now they do it for them and themselves.

<p>&nbsp;<p>COSunshine, you must be very beautiful even if you don't think you are. My guess is that your husband thinks you are the hottest woman in the world and, that, every other man envys him for having someone like you to love him. Men in the USA judge success by two major criteria. How much money we make and, how well we do with the ladies. We always hear from women and, wives "he thinks I'm just a piece of meat". Well, try not to think of that, as a negative thing. Instead, feel very fortunate that your husband wants your meat (desires you) more than anything. It's our way of desiring the women we love. Lust in marriage is a good thing. If he's not sexually attracted to his own wife, there is something seriously wrong. Guess, what? Many men have lost their attraction for their wives. Your husband hasn't. He thinks you're the hottest thing on wheels. Accept this as normal Have some adventure with it. Play up to it in every way you can while you can. Just have some adventurous fun with it. Act like his personal sl*t. EVERY man wants to be so desirable that women shed all their inhibitions for him. I say "women" plural but, once we're married the entire focus of that is like a lazer beam on the one woman we love, so don' think this is about him wanting other women to be attracted to him. It's more a validation of him when other men want you, than it is for other women to want him. When you play with that life-like toy you mentioned, with the understanding that it simulates another man's body part, it's really your husbands in a way. He wants to see you shed your inhibitions for him by playing with that other toy (or man in his fantasy) We somehow transfer our desire for our wives to let loose, to letting loose with more than one man but, at the end of the day, they are both us....the husband. This is multi-faceted do you see? The ultimate success for a man like us who have this desire is to see our wives in the throws of passion and, excstacy. There is NOTHING more erotic, or more exciting than to see a women who is getting off. S#uts get off because they enjoy sex so much and, because they easily shed their inhibitions. They have accepted that they enjoy sex and that she is not ashamed of her own desires.Women have been told that, to like sex and go for it and have fun is to be a sl#t. OK whatever.THAT is what we're looking for. If with another man, in our presense, it's still with us. We transfer it. Some of us feel that we're not enough for our wives and we wish we could go four or five times a night. We wish we had huge ***** that could fill our wives up. Thats why a lot of us when we fantacize about this, imagine that the other guy has a big one. It's because we're really imagining that his big one, is attached to us and, the passion you feel with him, is going to be transferred to us. I know this sounds weird and, maybe it's because it's so difficult to explain but trust me, there are literally millions of men out here who fantacize about our wives with other men. There are some things you can do to help him and, you out with this without actually getting it on with another man. You can use a toy to simulate another man and use your imagination by pretending that it's real. It's as if you are showing your husband that you accept and LIKE his fantasy. That it turns you think about getting it on with other men. Act it up for your hubby. It's just pretend....unless YOU decide to take it further some day. Just in the meantime #1. Be HIS personal S*ut. "Being a s#ut***" simply means in this context, shed all your inhibitions for your husband. To enjoy being adventurous and willing and open to new things. To let loose enough to get off in a big way. Anything and, everything you two do in your bedroom is OK. You're married and, you love eachother very deeply. Dont hold back. #2. Give up attempting to change him so that he won't have those fantasies about you. It won't work. Among the men, who for whatever reason, have those fantasies about sharing their wives, it has become a sort of sexual orientation. We can't change it even if we try. You either love him just the way he is, or you don't. It's obvious that you do love him. Since you know about his proclivities and, you haven't left him yet, then you might as well play along to whatever point you feel comfortable with. #3. TALK TALK TALK. Don't be afraid to openly talk about it knowing that it turns him on in a tremendous way. I don't mean talk like you used to, in an attempt to change him or understand his proclivities. I mean talk in a way that you both will derrive the most enjoyment out of it.Talk as if you like it too...while you're making love. Talk like you have accepted it. Like you are now willing. YOU are the one who will share much better sex with your husband if you play along whether contained in fantasy talk or you actually take it further with real men. Taking it further can be any variation between light exhibitionism/flashing, to dancing with other men, or going into bars and letting yourself "get picked up" or, flirt with a man, to actually going somewhere to have a ********* or let your husband watch. Watching you do whatever you feel comfotable with only going as far as you feel comfortable with. Tease him with it. Ask him, as you hold that toy, if he would like you to do this or, that, with another man as as you play with it and, then lower your head and put your lips to it. Act it up for him like its a banana eating contest.Like you're a Po*n actress.Try to imgine that, he is imagining that, it's another man's #$@! you have your lips around (understanding the transfer aspect of this fantasy). Remember EVERY man wants his wife to be his personal s#ut. EVERY man wants other men to envy him for having such a hot, beautiful, sexy wife. We who have this,...whatever it is.. just take it to another dimension. #5. You can play up to his fantasies with real life other men simply by wearing sexy revealing clothing and taking some risks that you think are what naughty girls do. Your husband dreams of you being naughty. Well, now, you are a naughty girl. Your HIS naughty girl. You're always going to come home with him. It's not cheating or being unfaithful in any way even IF you really desire the other man. #6. Try going out to a bar and you two walking in at different times and, acting like you don't know eachother so he can watch as men hit on you and, as you flirt back. Dance with the other men and try to get them hard by grinding or holding them close and pressing your body into their's. Make eye contact with your husband as you grind into another man while dancing. It's up to you whether to ever take it further, but in the meantime you can drive your husband crazy by playing along even to some point. Come on Sunshine! Whats it going to hurt by flirting a little? By allowing a touch here and there or even a kiss here and there, with an attractive man? #6. NEVER EVER EVER do anything behind his back. Much of this fantasy starts when we are younger men and full of jealousy. At some point the jealousy begins to get transferred to stimulation. Maybe it's some sort of biological protective mechanism but, deep down he IS jealous. He's now simply jealous of your emotions. He wants your heart but, he will NEVER EVER EVER share your heart with another man. That former jealous kid now has his soulmate who will never leave him for another man right? You're his and, his only but still, he wants other men to appreciate your beauty and your charms.... in the physical.The secret is in determining that you will keep love and sex separate. #7. Ask him to go out shopping with you for some sexy clothes that you can turn other men on with. I bet if he's like most men, he hates shopping, but, I also bet that he would drop everything else to go shopping for sexy clothes that, he can take his hot wife out to show off to other men and make them drool over you. To get hard just looking at you. Because they want a wife that is their personal s#ut too, like every man does. So what? Let them try. It's a big ego booster for you that they are busting out of their jeans for you as you turn them on.....for your husband, who you will be in bed with that very night. #9. Finally Sunshine, please act like you enjoy it. Act like you are getting turned on and, my hope for you and, your husband is that, eventually you actually WILL get turned on. That, you will begin to enjoy the touch of another man and, by getting the reward of his erection. Feel it and enjoy it. It's not being unfaithful. You won't fall in love with the other guy because your husband is right there and, you love him and, he loves you. Press yourself into the man and enjoy his body. Grind against his hardness and feel it and get turned on by it....for your husband and ultimately for yourself. Then go home and share it with hubby.</p><p></p>

Thanks for the post-It gives me great insight into my lover's desire. At this time he says he wants others to look not touch, but I suspect this could escalate and I'm trying to understand/accept the idea in the event that it does.

As you can see from the responses here, there are very many reasons that men have this fantasy. Many of those have been addresses, including voyeurism, ego, demonstrating ownership of something desirable, and so forth. However, I did not see here my particular reason. You may want to read my story about my wife and my "adventures" in this way.

For me, the sharing experience is an act of love for my wife. I will do almost anything to give my wife what she wants and also to give her sexual pleasure. I would even do things that I do not particularly wish to do, if I know it is something that will give her greater pleasure.

Imagine how your body might feel if there were two of your husband -- four hands, two mouths, two bodies, two penises that almost never go soft. Imagine them stimulating every part of your body in ways that one husband cannot. Imagine that after your husband has had his ******, he does not go soft and that he can continue to pleasure you.

It is my wife's pleasure I seek, that excites me, stimulates, me, and makes me feel good -- that I love her so much I am willing to give her this. It is her excitement, her pleasure, her ******* that drive me to greater heights of pleasure myself. Plain and simple, I get off seeing my wife in the throes of pleasure, ******, and ecstasy.

If your husband assures you that he loves you and you have no other reason to doubt that, then give some thought to this. Talk openly and honestly with him about it to understand why he wants this, what he expects to get from the experience. If you are willing to consider it, take it slow, establish rules, expectations, and taboos.

You might consider by reading some stories to one another about sexual situations that excite you, about your fantasies and his. Or watch some videos together. You know you have fantasies you have never shared with him. Perhaps look as this as an opportunity to realize some of your own fantasies -- that is, turn this into a negotiation with your husband: I will do this for you if you do that for me.

The last thing in the world you need to be doing is doubting his love for you because he had the ultimate trust in you and your relationship to share his fantasy with you. In the end, you may decide this is just not something you can or will do, but even then, you can consider doing role-play with your husband to pretend the two of you are doing something that meets either of your fantasies, while not taking it outside of your own home.

This is actually more common than you may realise, in parts of the U.S. it is very common indeed with mature aged married couples and therefore there is nothing wrong with your husband. It is affectionately known as the hotwife lifestyle. More wives need to realise that this really is their chance to have their cake and eat it during their sexy mature years, with no catches. It doesn't mean he loves you less, or that he is after other women. Typically a loving and devoted husband just wants to offer his wife the opportunity for increased or very different sex only pleasure.A secure, mature and loving husband who wants the very best sex for his dear wife, who really loves to see her ******, is usually fully prepared to share her sexually to achieve that goal provided that he is not totally excluded. Again, once wives realize this and realize that the extra sex is not designed to be a substitute for the love-making they still enjoy with their husbands, they are usually more willing to experiment. Likewise, mature wives are more at ease having sex with much younger guys or well-endowed black guys once they realize that their loving husband will support them, get turned on and not let jealousy spoil the fun. Wives are known to be even more comfortable when they learn that their hubby would genuinely like to watch or participate. Then when she sees that he actually gets off on the whole thing himself and obtains immense pleasure from her additional sexing, then the relationship tryst is complete. Therefore, we should all remember that the focus of the hotwife lifestyle is only on pure sex for the wife and as such, is specifically designed to rescue, enhance and improve maturing marriages not destroy them. Hope this helps. Suzy.

I also wanted to watch my wife..and she arranged for it to happen with her g/fs husband on my was fantastic...loved every second..could not have lasted long enough was everything I ever imagined...its just sex..thats all...after my wife said it was the biggest turn on she ever had..

It was her choice, not yours

well maybe you will be lucky enough to get to watch it again...was his bigger than yours...that is what makes it fun to watch

believe me when i say has nothing to do with love...he loves you...he wants to know that what he has is so good that even if you enjoy someone will still love HIM..he also thinks that you are so hot that to watch you with someone else would confirm are very visual...and we cant see up close the movement downstairs...he wants to see what you look like giving oral to the isnt to demean you and it doesnt suggest that there is anything wrong with is called voyouerism ( SP? ) ...he doent have any hidden motives...just to enjoy you in a different way...this i must say...if you dont want to do this....DONT DO IT...if you think that you might want to try it...then enjoy...

Thanks for the different perspective. I don't want to do it and don't believe I will but what you have said does give me a different way to look at his request. You may have the best understanding of it yet as he tried to explain it, but I have been so upset I couldn't hear him. I was simply shut down, turned off and upset by it. Thanks for taking the time to share :) It is very much appreciated.

Love is about mutual respect.<br />
<br />
Ask him why he need you to have sex with other men. Is it because he is gay? bisexual? or just gets his jollies watching you.<br />
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Then tell him your honest feeling. If love (not dominance) is there, a solution is possible.<br />
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If you ask the question, you must be prepared for the consequence which may help or destroy the relationship. But, is not honesty the best way for a relationship to succeed!

get his jollies ....what kind of comment is know there are all kind of different problems that people have that are not necessarily their fault...there are lots of sexual traits that you may not understand...voyuerism (SP?) must be one of them... most people can not help the way they feel...sometimes they were raped as a child...or were forced to watch someone else...if you were lucky enough to be perfect,...good for you....and even better for you mate...but in the real world most people have issues that involve more than just jollies...

Watching you partner have sex with others is about totall dominance and totally about self pleasure, not your partners pleasure.

@shadrackjones ; very well said. You hit the nail on the head.

There is a woman on here and I wish I could find her again. She ended up marrying the man that her husband kept "loaning" her out to. Largely because he fell in love with her and told her he'd never loan her out.<br />
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You're right COS, it's about ego, it's about self-gratification too. I have the same fantasies and I struggle with them. There is something alluring about watching your wife have sex. She is so beautiful and sexy and you want to just be free to watch her in all her glory, literally, glory. <br />
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What it's taken me a while to really "get" is that while sex is just sex for men, sex is the ultimate, outward sign of emotional intimacy for women. Most men could have sex with a woman they care nothing about, it's just sex. Most women need that emotional bond to truly enjoy sex with a man. Men need sex to form the emotional bond, women need the emotional bond to enjoy sex. Most men will say they understand that but most of us truly don't "get" it. I now do.<br />
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Yes, I could share my wife sexually... but I could never, ever share her emotions, her heart with anyone. I want all of her love. I would be devastated to lose her love. <br />
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Therefore, we keep this all as a fantasy. A very hot fantasy for both of us but a fantasy it shall stay. You could try doing the compromise that my wife and I settled on. I bought her a very realistic fake penis from It was actually molded from a cast taken of some **** star's penis. This thing feels so much like a d!ck that I get wierded out holding it. But this way we get to safely enjoy the fantasy. She gets to feel another man's d!ck inside her, I get to see another man's d!ck inside her but now there is no risk of emotional attachment, STD's, etc. <br />
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Best of luck to you and your husband.

Wow! So nice to read your response. You do get it because you explain it perfectly. I have had meaningless one night stands in the past that were just sex...but I was single and not in a relationship at the time. I really love my husband and don't have any interest in other men because he meets my every need and want. I get that he has this fantasy...I just don't know how to make him understand that while I may have played along in conversation with the "fantasy" at times....I have no interest in taking it to the reality level. I think it would diminish the intimacy between us and he thinks it would increase it. So true that men and women just think differently. We actually have a vibrator that sounds exactly like the one you describe - amazing how real it feels. I wish that was enough for him. Hopefully he will get it like you did - I will keep the faith. Thanks so much for sharing your experience with me - it really gave me hope :)

Hi there,<br />
<br />
We are in the same situation. I am married to a wonderful wife and my biggest fantasy is to share her with another man. Even though there might be a selfish component on my end, I agree that it is also related to her being very desirable and being "mine". She doesn't understand it either but I tell her that it is the ultimate confirmation of her attractiveness if she's desired by another guy. Some kind of bragging?<br />
I know it is hard to understand but believe me it is true that the fact that I totally love her adds to the situation. We talk about it sometimes and she points out the risks, mainly what about her falling in love?<br />
I am aware and always tell her that I would be heartbroken to lose her which is the indicator for me that I do love her indeed. Pitty that she can't read my mind since she still doesn't believe me. <br />
I know all this sounds weird and is hard to understand but at least in my case it is true. <br />
<br />
This is a silly comparison but somehow it's like having this Ferrari that everyone desires; if you give it to someone for a test ride just to witness the even bigger grin of their face when they return it, it really confirms that you have something wonderful. Risk though that that someone never returns it or crashes it :(<br />
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Let me know whether this makes any sense at all..<br />
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Good luck!

I get that it is an ego boost to have another appreciate the attractiveness of your other half. I have always gotten plenty of looks from other men and am glad he just smiles and doesn't get all worked up about it...but women are not posessions to be loaned out like fancy cars. What if the next time you drive the car it has a used feeling you didn't expect and don't like? What if she decides she really likes it and all of a sudden it isn't that much fun for you? I love my beautiful things too...but part of what makes them special is they are mine and not everyone can have something so great and when others admire them - yes it feels good but it doesn't make me want to pass my stuff around for everyone else to wear or try out. Maybe I was the selfish kid on the play ground...You do confirm my feeling that it is more about his ego than his wanting me to be happy.

Thanks for sharing by the way. I do appreciate the input and perspective...I just continue to not get it :-/