My Husband Wants To Watch Me **** Other Men And I Don't Get It

My husband wants to watch me with other men and I don't get it. I am angry and hurt and while he says it is because he loves me so much - I think it is all about him and his ego and not about me at all. I am a jealous person - I love him more than anything and get annoyed when a woman even looks at him when I am present as I feel it is disrespectful. I don't know how he can "love" me so much and not be jealous. I have said I am not interested and he continues to pressure me and brings it up constantly.

What am I supposed to do? Advice is welcome as I am at a true loss on how to handle this.

Thanks all for any help.
COSunshine COSunshine
31-35, F
10 Responses May 18, 2012

He seems to want you to cuckold him. It could be that he feels that he is unable to please you as well as you need physically and he knows that there are other men out there who could please you far better than him. He isnt thinking of himself he is thinking of you. What you should do is if you dont feel comfy with this is tell him that he is all you need and reassure him of this fact.

Sunshine,
My opinion may vary from others but let me offer it anyhow:
I've been married to the same woman now for over 38 years. In that time, I have never found it necessary to compromise the integrity or sexual exclusivity of our marriage; not for titlation, sexual gratification or for any other reason. I love and committed to my wife my sexual nature when we got married, just as she did. What good is a relationship without faithfulness and trust? For me, it'd be incomprehensible to even consider having another person intrude in that most special and intimate part of our relationship. If there are problems in the bedroom or with the relationship, it's time to evaluate (or re-evaluate) WHY you are both there and deal with that. Many times it's spiritual in nature and the problem may be from a deeper source.
Even if my wife decided to do other men and followed through with it, why would I then compromise my own integrity and do something similar when I know better?
If your gut tells you it's wrong and not good for you and your relationship, DON'T do it, even if refusing to do so will mark the end of your husband's interest in you and your relationship as you've known it. There are many men who treasure good and faithful women, who build on that foundation for successful marriage and an equally successful life.
Remember, following through with infidelity is like firing a bullet from a gun; once it's discharged, there's no calling it back. Go with your gut on this and be true to yourself. Best of luck.

As a man who is living this lifestyle I can tell you that I never would have asked for it. My wife started having affairs and it went from there. I don't think it's the normal case for a husband to ask his wife to cheat. I suspect that he may not like this fantasy in reality.

With you on this one fell in to this life as my wife would cheat all the time but have learned to love it and not sure if I'd be happy without it now

It is never fun if one of the couple does not agree and convinced that the marriage is very solid for such experience. From other couples stories, once the wife agrees it is very exciting experience.

<p>&nbsp;<p>Sunshine, you don't actually have to go all the way with another guy to play along with your husband's fantasy. Why not try to meet him half way with this? There are lots of stories in this forum about husbands and, wive's going into a bar acting like they don't know eachother so the husband can sit back and watch his wife flirt and tease and maybe go a little further with a good looking guy. It's all about turning you on even if that means you soft playing with another man. Just try dressing really sexy when you go out. If you really want to rock his world, you take the lead. Tell him you're into meeting him half way with his fantasy as you dress to go out. Then tell him sit back and watch. All the while, you're checking to see how he's handling you flirting with a guy and dancing with them as you try to get the guy turned on. Get it in your head to just be naughty this one time to see how it goes. Chances are, your husband will get really turned on and you two will make the best love of your lives when you get home.</p><p></p>

All I can tell you is how I feel about my wife, we have been together since she was 15 and I was 18 now 55 and 52, I was the first guy she had ****** for me I had a couple before her and a few since that she dose not know about, I feel that she should at least have the chance to know what it is like to **** another man, I love her so much I would be happy for her to have this expericance and it is only fair

No! This is not a common male fantasy. Basicly Stupid, an odd mind thing. Why do only a few little white men think this stuff? Why does the wife have to be trained / begged or told how much more the hubby will love her and he will be more turned on? The term hotwife - slutwife - etc.. is used to discribe what is refered as a lifestyle? The men that your hubby gets to **** you are called Bulls, we I talk with other guys, they think these husbands are. Real sick *** pusses, but they tell the hubbys how cool they are for sharing their wifes. The hubby also complaines that their love making is boring and it needs spicing up by adding more men to **** you. Well if he was really doing his job in the first place. ? IT WOULD NOT BE BORING, DUGH!!!!!! Got to see most all of the basic to total freek stuff from my stepmom / dad and their friends. There are always consequences to our actions. Think & go with your heart. Goodluck

Thanks for confirming my thoughts. It helps to know I am not the only one that thinks so. He of course thinks I am uptight. How can that be when we go to nude beaches on vacation and watch **** together and I am basically willing to try anything that only includes the two of us? Otherwise he is a really great guy - if he wasn't - this wouldn't tear me up so bad. I am afraid an otherwise wonderful marriage will end because of it. I really do appreciate the input and well wishes - Thank you!

I have been wondering why it is that some guys start letting the thoughts of wrong sex things formulate in their mind. It is not normal, they fight wirhin theirself the anger - jealousy - rage - hurt - and in a stupid way get sexually aroused, then they want to watch? WTF!!! or be the clean up man after everybody is finished. Yuck! It will usually grow from a man - man - wife combo, to more and more men, then to men with bigger and larger *****, then to men with different skin color, Sad? The husband seems to be getting off more on getting his wife to change clothing, to more reveiling so as to entice other men to flirt/ feel up/ proposition her , than the actual sex it's self wit just him and her. It seems that most guys are additicted to the **** stuff and that will change one's preceiption of what is real. Most of tbe time it will bring disrespect towards the way men look at a woman. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulder, think through the whole process. ? There is a book you might consider "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Myers, check it out.

Thanks again - I like Joyce Myers but haven't read any of her books. I will check it out.

COS,
You sound like a real sweetheart! You are doing much more than most women do to please there husbands. But please, stand firm on this one. Go with your gut, it is telling you the right things. This IS a common male fantasy but you will have to help him make sure he keeps it at that. Tough love and all that.

1 More Response

I really do not know what to say! I am finding myself in the same situation that is how I found this site. Personally I have issues with body image that prevent me from really thinking about his request. I have never equated sex and feelings unlike him! I have also always been a very sexual person. I really have mixed feelings like I said my issues are more about esteem. Reading all of the post I really am starting to see this is a common male fanstcy. With that being said I am too insecure, with my self not really my marriage, to share him so if there is some sharing to be done I think I prefer it to be me! I guess it comes down to how you will feel after the fact. I can't say with out a doubt that I would not feel dirty.

I understand where you are coming from with the body image issues. I am not a supermodel either. I also know I would feel dirty both during and after. I think part of the problem is they are losing the fact that fantasy and reality are very different. We can all watch a **** flick and fantasize about different situations...it doesn't mean that experiencing it in real life is going to be the way we fantasize it. Reality brings so many other issues like real feelings and having to live with the shame and disgust we lay on ourselves for having no morals after the fact. I can fantasize with the best of them but underlying all that - was brought up Baptist so can't imagine being able to live with myself if I follwed through with anything of this nature...the self judgement would never end. I just don't know how to get it through to him - he keeps telling me I am just shy and insecure but my brain can't relax on the subject - even the thought of all the diseases that could be caught participating in this kind of activity with strangers who may have been living this kind of life for many years and exposing themselves to so much risk. Seems like sexual suicide to me and I am smarter than that. My fear is we will end up drawing a line in the sand and getting a divorce over this because he won't let it go and it is changing how I view him. He is handsome and sweet and we never fight about anything - except this.... I am so stressed over it all the time these days I can't stand it. I was hoping to find some clarity or perhaps a new way of looking at it through other people sharing their thoughts on this but I haven't. Thanks for sharing your situation and good luck. My only advice is be true to yourself. You have to live with your choices for a long time coming.

Dump his ***, what a sick-O,

Tread lightly... I would think long and hard before I would give in to such a request. It IS alll about him, and if he respected you as he should, he would listen to you when you tell him no. He may think he wants to engage in this now, but what happens if you give in and suddenly now you become dirty or a tramp in his eyes, and also, what about the opportunity for him to throw in your face that you've broken your wedding vows... a lot of things can go wrong very quickly. I had a friend that allowed her husband to tape them having sex - even though she repeatedly said she didn't want to. He also kept pressuring her, and finally she gave in. Fast forward a few years to a messy divorce and the tape. Threats were made to post it on the internet, along with copies shared with family members, work employers, etc. It was an ugly court battle to get all copies destroyed. Things go wrong. Listen to your gut instinct and do what you want to do.