Stretched Way Too Thin

I have 3 boys, ages are 10, 5, and 4 and I have a 3 month old baby girl. I feel so overwhelmed, i have an abundance of patience for my daughter, but the boys are driving me insane. Especially my oldest, that boy can make me have to go into another room and have to just breathe for a few minutes. He is completely careless, totally disrespectful, and utterly annoying at times. He has played so carelessly with his younger brothers that I have to constantly remind him to be more careful. I ground him from his games and the computer and he constantly still asks to play the games or use the internet. I hate saying this, but he makes me dread getting out of bed, and somedays i hate the sound of the bus bringing him home. My 5 year old will not listen most of the time, my 4 year old makes pretty good decisions most of the time and is the most helpful, but he does this screaming thing when its bed time that I compare to a broken lawnmower. I feel like I cant talk about my stress, no one really wants to hear it, and I just keep going day after day feeling like its never going to change, it is what it is. I am working from home as well, so i am pulled in so many different directions. My fiance works 60 hrs a week and we barely have any alone time, and I dont feel like he understands how trapped i feel sometimes. I need a break,, i am never out of this house. I hate this house, I am constantly cleaning the same messes over and over. I am good mother and I hate feeling judged, I hate when people make assumptions, like if youre so stressed whyd you have 4 kids, well the first one wasnt planned, and wasnt prevented, the next one was planned, the 3rd was a fluke (IUD and all) and my daughter was planned, my fiance is the stepfather to my 3 boys and had no children of his own, so we decided to have one more together, and i love them all, but i need a break. Ineed the boys to just shut the heck up sometimes, and clean up your own damn mess you know.
chalyn10 chalyn10
26-30, F
Jan 5, 2013